OK so I will try to keep this shorrt.

My boyfriend is a christian and we been together for 1 year. We're best friends, really close, do everything together, etc, etc. the only problem is that he had a bad relatinship w/ a girl before me... they had sex and it was a bad experience, bad decision for him. This made him really scared of being intimate w/ me but he got over it for the most part. Because he's a christian, he didn't know what he thought about sex, like about saving it for being married and all that. We talked about it and he said he doesn't want to do it because he is not 100% sure that I wouldn't break his heart/leave him afterwards. It hurts my feelings that he feels like he doesn't want to take that risk w/ me, especially when he tells me that I am perfect for him, that he feels comfortable w/ me, etc.

I know this sounds terrible, but since he doesn't want to have sex w/ me, I feel like I am not attracted to him at all anymore, because I feel so unwanted. I would never pressure him to do it but this is becoming a huge deal.
I know he was hurt in the past, but doesn't he need to move on from it? They broke up 3 yrs ago.

PS, I am 21 and he is 22.

Please move on, he deserves someone that will love and respect him for his beleifs. Having sex is not maing you feel wanted, attention and sharing feelings do that. If your values are so greatly different, you may not be a good match

Hi, sorry I didn't make this clear... I am a christian also, and the main reason he is hesitant is not because of his faith but mostly because of not being 100% sure I wouldn't hurt him afterwards like his ex did.
In terms of dealingw w/ the faith issue. We had long talks about the spirit of the words in the bible-- sex is not to be taken lightly, serious commitment, etc, etc. I know that's not everyone's interpretatin. We have talked about getting married sometime, although it wouldn't be possible for another 5 yrs or so for complex reasons I won't get into.

If you're not willing to wait, PATIENTLY, and with UNDERSTANDING until he is ready, then you may as well break up now.

Sounds like more of a self-esteem problem or a communication problem to me. Get over it! Sex is not what makes a relationship work! Yes, it's important, but not essential. Communication--that's essential. Trust is essential. Respect is essential.

Sex is just whipped cream compared to that stuff. If you really need sex to feel attractive, then your problem isn't that he doesn't want to have sex with you. Your problem is that you don't value yourself high enough.

PS--1 year isn't all THAT long a commitment. I would have given you VERY different advice if you'd been together for FIVE years. As far as waiting for 5 years to get married--that's just stupid. Either get married or don't. Unless it has something to do with life or death (like getting married would make you lose your parents' insurance which is paying for your kidney dialasis every month), then you're more concerned about the WEDDING than about the MARRIAGE.

I am sorry, but there is more to a relationship than just sex. The fact that your not attracted to him because you are not having sex is worrying as you should be attracted to him for his personality, kindness, values and respect.

Although as Zeeniee said there is more to a relationship than just sex, sex is a part of a relationship and a healthy relationship needs all elements.

Assure him that if he never takes a risk then he risks never being loved and enjoying life. A bed ex is so common as we are all aware but we wouldn't be the people we are today if we hadn't have been the places and done the things we have.

My last ex broke my heart and I never thought I would feel the same about another person again but now I am in a loving committed relationship and thank that my ex left me as it lead me to my current boyfriend.

Sit down with him and tell him that although you understand his reasons and are willing to take things slow with him that you are not going to break his heart and that the intimacey will bring you closer and show him how much you love him.

Until then try and show him this love in other ways to restore his faith in womankind!

Sex isn't the be all and end all, if he's not ready you shouldn't pressurise him into doing anything he doesn't want to do until he's 100% ready.
With just coming out of a relationship myself I can understand slightly his way of thinking as I'm going to find it hard to be intimate with anyone for a long time yet.
If your not willing to be patient, understanding and respectful about this then you may as well leave it there, old wounds take a long time to heal he needs your kindness and understanding right now.

You've got to be patient and wait, he's explained to you in great detail why he doesn't feel comfortable with this. For whatever reason he is not comfortable that means no sex until he is. Learn to wait or leave.
Also stop making about you because it is not these are his issues to get over and not it is not about your attractiveness or openness or anything else.

I'm on your side, moonbounce7, I couldn't stay in a sexless relationship no matter how attractive and perfect the woman is.

If I was in your situation, I would feel like any guy could be in my shoes and it wouldn't make a difference to my girl. In other words, she didn't put in the time in selecting me as I did with her. This stems from the way I am with others; I can hang out, get dinner, go see a movie and ice cream with anyone. I can also carry on a decent conversation and have a genuine good time, but I only have sex with women I actually like because when I have sex with someone, that person has a part of me.

Those who don't respect the true value of sex are the ones with self-esteem issues, they'll sleep with anyone.

On the other hand, I can see where he's coming from too, because sex does make things ultra-complicated, and it's as simple as him not wanting to risk it or he's not ready (which at 22 would amaze me). Once sex is involved, it brings on a whole new dimension to the relationship.

It sucks to hear, but it just sounds like, at least at the moment, you guys don't make a good match.

He has some serious conviction staying celibate for a year.

Either work with your partner, or leave him alone. If you can't wait for him to be ready, then your with the wrong guy.

I would just like to point out that if this was a GUY asking about how to get a GIRL into bed before she was ready, then people would be shocked and horrified.

Why should it be different if the genders are reversed?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Synnen

I would just like to point out that if this was a GUY asking about how to get a GIRL into bed before she was ready, then people would be shocked and horrified.

Why should it be different if the genders are reversed?

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You're right, there is no difference. People that react that way are afraid to say what they mean.

God forbid if you do speak the truth, your post will be deleted.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

You're right, there is no difference. People that react that way are afraid to say what they mean.

God forbid if you do speak the truth, your post will be deleted.

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No... deleted posts have NOTHING to do with the truth. Deleted posts have to do with the fact that you either stated your "truth" in an offensive manner, or you were off topic, or many other things.

Simply telling the truth is not enough to get a post deleted.