Ask Me Help Desk - Full custody when his father has an underage girlfriend

My husband and I split in August. He went and sought a lawyer and had a divorce decree drawn up. It states that we have joint legal and physical custody of my 4 year old son, But he has primary physical custody. I didn't have money to get a lawyer and make too much for financial assistance. Here's the problem. Since then my soon to be ex has gotten a girlfriend, she's 18 and he always has her over. While she is over she is drinking. So I know that he is letting her drink in front of my son. I have pictures that they took to prove that. No I didn't steal them. She posted them on her myspace. So I don't know what else he is letting her do around him. I know I can go have a dna test done on him, but am not sure of the process on getting that started. And in the mean time I don't want my son around her. His behavior has changed since she's been in his fathers life. Please help. I don't want my son around a bipolar teen, when his "father" thinks its good for him.

1. She isn't underage... she's 18. Legally an adult.
2. Not sure why you want a dna test done on him... are you unsure that he is his son?

You must not have put up much of a fight for a father to get physical custody.

You need to go back to court and ask for the custody agreement to be changed. If you go up against his attorney without one of your own, you will probably lose again.

How did you come to learn that your ex's girlfriend is bi-polar? Or is that an assumption on your part?

As ISneezeFunny pointed out, this girl is a legal adult. She's not underage; I'm not sure why you posted that she is. Her having an occasional drink with your son present really isn't as big of an issue as you're making it out to be; it may even be legal in your state as some states have the legal drinking age set at 18. Unless she's getting completely drunk and verbally, emotionally or physically causing harm, there's nothing to complain about.

As ISneezeFunny also pointed out, why are you thinking about a DNA test? Some states have a SOL on contesting paternity; with your son being 4 already, you may not have a leg to stand on.

Unless you can prove that your husband is somehow endangering your son, this is going to be a pointless battle.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mobilbrat07

My husband and I split in August. He went and sought a lawyer and had a divorce decree drawn up. It states that we have joint legal and physical custody of my 4 year old son, But he has primary physical custody. I didnt have money to get a lawyer and make to much for financial assistance. Heres the problem. Since then my soon to be ex has gotten a girlfriend, shes 18 and he always has her over. While she is over she is drinking. So I know that he is letting her drink infront of my son. I have pictures that they took to prove that. No I didnt steal them. She posted them on her myspace. So i dont know what else he is letting her do around him. I know i can go have a dna test done on him, but am not sure of the process on getting that started. And in the mean time i dont want my son around her. His behavior has changed since shes been in his fathers life. Please help. I dont want my son around a bipolar teen, when his "father" thinks its good for him.

I'll parrot what everyone else has said. Why a DNA test unless you don't think he's the father. If that's what you think, that should have been your argument when you (apparently) lost physical custody. The word father in parenthesis makes me wonder about paternity.

Otherwise - if you have PROOF that your child is in danger then go back to Court with your proof (and changed behavior in a 4 year old is really not substantial proof) and attempt to get physical custody.

The fact (if it is a fact) that the girlfriend is bipolar means nothing - lots of bipolar people take their medication and are good parents and productive people. She is 18. How old is your "ex"?

It is fairly difficult to get custody away from the mother. I appreciate there was a Court battle, he had an Attorney and you did not but why did you lose custody?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

The word father in parenthesis makes me wonder about paternity.

I took it to be an insult against her ex(i.e.: using parentheses because to her, he's not a good father).

Okay first off it is illegal in the state of Maryland for someone under 21 to drink and just as much so to buy alcohol for someone under 21. Second he may not be the father of my son. I wasn't saying anything bad about her being bi-polar in a bad way. I know her father and he is too. She doesn't take medication for it like she should. It scares me that she may do something to him. My ex. Is 28 years old and she is 18. We did not go to court. He went and seen a mediator and had the papers drawn up. I didn't have much of a choice in the matter of signing them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mobilbrat07

We did not go to court. He went and seen a mediator and had the papers drawn up. I didnt have much of a choice in the matter of signing them.

Yes you did have a choice.

The rest has already been answered.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mobilbrat07

Okay first off it is illegal in the state of Maryland for someone under 21 to drink and just as much so to buy alcohol for someone under 21. Second he may not be the father of my son. I wasnt saying anything bad about her being bi-polar in a bad way. I know her father and he is too. She doesnt take medication for it like she should. It scares me that she may do something to him. My ex. is 28 years old and she is 18. We did not go to court. He went and seen a mediator and had the papers drawn up. I didnt have much of a choice in the matter of signing them.

Why didn't you have a choice when it came to signing the custody papers? Somehow referring to someone as bipolar in the fashion you did doesn't seem like a compliment.

Legal age varies from State to State so no one had any way of knowing you were in Maryland - unless I missed something, which I possibly did.

So go back to Court and prove he's unfit.

Agree with Scott & Judy; nobody forced you to sign anything. Also, you don't need to get an attitude with anyone. You never stated originally which state you were in, so it's impossible to even know if what the girlfriend was doing is illegal or not. Not to mention that you refer to her as "underage," which she clearly isn't.

As I already stated, some states have a SOL(Statute of limitation) on contesting paternity; if your son is 4 years old already, you may not even be allowed a paternity test.

What makes you think she's going to harm your son? What symptoms of bi-polar disorder is she exhibiting? I don't see how you can say you didn't "mean it in a bad way" and then turn around and claim that you think her disorder will make her hurt your child.

Divorce is very intimidating and although no one forced you into signing anything you most deffinatly felt pressure. I am in a similar situation in Indiana with my ex wife and her boyfriend who is 8 years her senior. I know you are looking out for the welfare of your son in not wanting her around him. I to do not want my daughter around this man her mother choose to be with, but as my lawyer told me today, you can't tell the court the statistics about what happens to kids after a new relationship develops you have to wait until they become a statistic themselves. The fact is this girl he is with has not given you a reason to trust her and you shouldn't you need to ask your 4 year old what its like at his daddy's house and keep a great relationship with your son so he will tell you if something is going on that shouldn't be. Right now you are probably overreacting because you are his mother and nobody should try to take your place and it is totally understandable like I said I am in the same boat. But what you need to do is keep in your child's life and not miss a schedualed visitation and offer to take him as much as possible, while you are doing that you need to save enough money for an attorney and have him help you but I say don't miss a visitation with your son a judge will probably decide that you should get joint physical custody if you show that that is what you want, and you may get more custody than him, try to stay away from the mud slinging though it will just take more time and money focus on why your son is better off with you and what you can provide him with (religion, education, no drinking or drugs, morals, ethics, etc.) good luck its probably going to be an uphill battle but if you truly are the better parent the court will see it, also if you need financial assistance get involved with a good church and ask for help, if all they can do is pray for you it's more than you got now.