My wife, who is only 56, experienced early menopause, some time ago. Now she complains, sex hurts. The way she acts, you might think I shoved a hot poker in her. I haven’t been with her, now for over a year. Imaging how I’m feeling. I believe, if you don’t use it, you loose it. And she won’t go see the doctor, to address the problem, or talk to me about it. How can I get her to do something to fix the problem?

Menopause can greatly affect a woman's body; it's possible that she's extremely dry and that it does cause her a great deal of pain. Have you tried lubricants?

I would suggest buying a book by Suzanne Somers titled "The Sexy Years". This is well written and very informative about menopause symptoms and problems. The book explains how bio-identical hormone treatment can reverse the effects of menopause and restore not only sex drive and response, but also energy, clear mind and stop some of the physical effects of aging. If you buy and it's in the house, hopefully, she will read it and understand that what she is going through is normal but it doesn't have to be that way.

She needs to see her doctor. End of story.

She could have something MUCH more serious going on than just painful sex and menopause--and she needs to find out for sure.

I would like to point out, too, that the attitude of how YOU feel after a year of no sex doesn't make me sympathetic to you. Think of how SHE feels knowing that she's no longer young (since in a way, that's what menopause points out), no longer able to have children (which is a loss, even if you don't WANT any more), and has hormones messing with everythign from her body temperature (hot flashes) to her emotions (mood swings).

So... try some sympathy. Try some concern for her. Try to get her to her doctor so that she can find out whether she has a serious medical problem.

Contemplate getting into her HEAD instead of getting into her PANTS.