Ask Me Help Desk - He broke my heart

Quote:

Originally Posted by libralove30

my heart is breaking my boyfreind
my boyfriend and i met when we was attented school together our relationship started out really fast in the begining.
(he's from ghana west africa and i am from guyana the Ilands )we have been together for ten years and share three kids together
and still not married yet ,every time i bring it up the subject about geting married he get so mad and ends the conversation.like am not good enough to be his wife
i always find it very hard to communicate with him he have ways of making me feel that my opinion and feeling isn't inportent ,but his opinion is very inportent and he can talk to me about anything .
in the past year and a half life wasn't so nice to us in the sense of when things get hard and rent and bills is due he say mean and hurtful thing to me like , THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT ,and he didn't plan on having a family now and complaing about his job and the kids not listening
but when i quote him on it he say that he's just joking
but recently he said we need time apart because he wants to get closer to god and get is life stright
the day after chrismas he beging saying that he he don't want me anymore!
with no emotion or anything.
but when i quote him on that he say that hes joking.
i feel hurt because he's puting me out there in the cold world with three kids and a part-time job to punish.

why those words hurt so much and why is it so easy for him to say it.

Broken Hearted,

You have every reason to feeling the way you do. I don't know where you live, but if you live in the United States you have some rights in regards his ability to just toss you out on the streets.

Also, depending on what state you live in you will also have what are called domestic rights as well as "common-law" rights, meaning you're pretty much considered married if you have three kids and lived with him for ten years you say.

Here's the hard part, you are in a an emotionally abusive relationship. It is mentally, spiritually, and physically taxing and hurts the whole family.

There is hope for you and your family. Often times people don't realize they are being emotinoally abusive because they are self-abusive. Meaning, they weren't treated so well growing up and may not know better.

Seeking professional help is necessary. I would recommend a family therapist so that you can begin to open the channels of communication with a third party to help negotiate the process until you and your husband find what works for the both of you.

If he insists on tossing you out on the streets I would look into a WOMEN LEGAL CENTER. Often times they have low cost to free legal advice for the thousands of women across the U.S. that are going through the same thing as I type.

If your husband was treated well, raised without much violence or abuse as a child and he is treating you this way, then most likely there may be some mental illness and you need to protect yourself..

First off, you must make sure you are safe and your children are safe physically and emotionally, sometimes that may mean to take a physical time out. I hope you may find what works best for you and your children.

Taking care of yourself first is of uttermost importance, if you continue to allow yourself to be subjected to such manners your depression will worsen and lead to bigger problems. This isn't going to to work well for you or your children, and even your husband. If your husband is sick, he will need you to be strong as you two work on communication and fixing your relationship.

As for your husband "whining" to you about "he didn't want this" PLEASE... He seriously needs to grow UP. Sounds like a child and he's emotionally abusing you because he cannot take responsibility for his own life. It takes TWO people to make one child, and if you two did it more than once? Your husband sounds like he may be extremely immature and may need seriously allow GOD into his life to allow him to have the heart to take care of his family the best he can.

I hope this helps, please use the internet to find local doctors, law clinics, and familly therapists. Often times churches have relationship counselors and or group settings.

This is a stretch, but you may also want to read up on sociopaths. There are literally thousands of sociopaths among us, they are our friends, our lovers, our co-workers, and our family members... They need love and support, but we also need to protect ourselves.

I wish the best to you.