Ask Me Help Desk - Do I have a disorder? Or am I just a jerk?

I'm 16 years old, and over the past 2-3 years I've had what would normally be a "traumatizing" home life. My father, who I was extremely close to my whole life, had a relapse (drugs[mostly painkillers] and alcohol), cheated on my mom (alot), was in a car accident, and went to jail (not very long).

All-in-all it should have been a huge slap in the face, a colossal shift from a loving father to "some guy" with drinking problems. But I never once cried, or shared any emotions with my mother or friends. I felt like I had a good idea of what was going on, and I didn't need to talk to anyone, people are always trying to reach out when they should just back off and look at their own weaknesses.

Several people have tried to comfort me with religion, but I couldn't see any evidence that God or some spirit was coming into play at all, or that Christianity was any more "correct" than any of the other religions mankind has invented in the thousands of years of existence, so that just bounced off too.

In fact, for the past several years, I've begun feeling extremely "distant" from people. My parents just seem like people, not "mom and dad", and I'm very analytical towards them, I feel like they could have done a lot better with me, and a lot better with their lives.

Last year when we moved, I didn't feel sad at all about leaving my friends I had known for years, many of which I know were pained to see me go. In fact, the last time I saw them, I almost forgot to say bye. It just bounced off me, I had about the same emotions running through my head as when you go to mail something at the post office, it was just part of what I did that day, nothing more, nothing less.

And it happens with all the people in my life, they just seem like people: friends, relatives, anyone that ever tries to get close to me gets shut down, it just strikes me as pathetic. I can always see right through what they're trying to do, and it doesn't seem genuine when you know what's going on. Nothing strikes me as "tragic" or even sad, deaths in the family, problems with my mother and father, or anything else, I see it, and then I just look at something else, it doesn't even phase me. I can never comfort anyone either, other peoples emotions always seem awkward and trivial, I'll put up with them, but I just want to get away as soon as I can.

Any help?

Your parents have let you down and have hurt you a great deal. Because of that, you've decided emotions are not worth having and have detached yourself from everyone who could bring out any feelings in you. If you can't feel, you can't hurt. If you can't hurt, you won't cry. If you don't cry, everything must be okay.

Does that make sense?

You are definitely suffering from some type of issues, and I would recommend you go tell your school councelor everything you stated here and ask how to get help. Or, talk to your parents and tell them you need to see a Pshchiatrist. It's not as scary as it seems... you just go in and be honest about what you are feeling and they will determine what needs to be done. Have an open mind and realize that it's OK to ask for help

I guess that makes sense, I really do not like the school counselor... I really don't want to go either, sitting down and telling some stranger my feeling so he can judge me sounds like torture :/

You seem to be like an intelligent individual, I can tell by your writing.

Like wondergirl stated, you have emotionally detached your feelings from people. That is your defense mechanisim to the pain that has been in your life.

Instead of feeling through it and working on the problems, you shoved it inside and ignored it.. it seems like it's not there, but let my tell you.. it is.. it's very deep inside your subconscious... you NEED to get it out or it will HARM you the more you let this go on..

Who knows maybe one day one little small thing happens and you just explode in a fit of rage.. how else is your anger, resentment, pain, hurt and sadness going to manifest itself?

You NEED to get help with this.. It doesn't mean that you're weak by asking for help. it means you're strong and determined to improve you life.

I think Al-anon (Al-ateen for youths) would be the perfect place for you. Al-anon is a support group for families and loved ones who have been affected by an addict/alcoholic.

It is a safe place where you can go and work on your problems. That aren't just strangers there to judge you.. many people there are dealing with a lot of your same problems..

It won't be easy going to al-anon and working on yourself.. but the results will be unimaginably beneficital to your quality of life..

Go there and get back the loving relationships that you so crave.. please consider it!

I've tried al-ateen, but I didn't like it, everyone kept going around and sharing stories, I felt like they were making it some contest to see who had the most messed up life.

I never shared because I just felt like I was in a room of immature girls whining about their parents (I know that sounds mean). I started making excuses not to go and pretty soon my mom gave up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ultimate_user_name

I've tried al-ateen, but I didn't like it, everyone kept going around and sharing stories, I felt like they were making it some contest to see who had the most messed up life.

I never shared because I just felt like I was in a room of immature girls whining about their parents (I know that sounds mean). I started making excuses not to go and pretty soon my mom gave up.

How about Al-Anon? There'd be all ages and both genders there.

I went to a narcotics anonymous a couple times, they seemed mostly nice, and intelligent. I was by far (10 years at least) the youngest there though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ultimate_user_name

I'm 16 years old, and over the past 2-3 years I've had what would normally be a "traumatizing" home life. My father, who I was extremely close to my whole life, had a relapse (drugs[mostly painkillers] and alcohol), cheated on my mom (alot), was in a car accident, and went to jail (not very long).

All-in-all it should have been a huge slap in the face, a colossal shift from a loving father to "some guy" with drinking problems. But I never once cried, or shared any emotions with my mother or friends. I felt like I had a good idea of what was going on, and I didn't need to talk to anyone, people are always trying to reach out when they should just back off and look at their own weaknesses.

Several people have tried to comfort me with religion, but I couldn't see any evidence that God or some spirit was coming into play at all, or that Christianity was any more "correct" than any of the other religions mankind has invented in the thousands of years of existence, so that just bounced off too.

In fact, for the past several years, I've begun feeling extremely "distant" from people. My parents just seem like people, not "mom and dad", and I'm very analytical towards them, I feel like they could have done a lot better with me, and a lot better with their lives.

Last year when we moved, I didn't feel sad at all about leaving my friends I had known for years, many of which I know were pained to see me go. In fact, the last time I saw them, I almost forgot to say bye. It just bounced off of me, I had about the same emotions running through my head as when you go to mail something at the post office, it was just part of what I did that day, nothing more, nothing less.

And it happens with all the people in my life, they just seem like people: friends, relatives, anyone that ever tries to get close to me gets shut down, it just strikes me as pathetic. I can always see right through what they're trying to do, and it doesn't seem genuine when you know what's going on. Nothing strikes me as "tragic" or even sad, deaths in the family, problems with my mother and father, or anything else, I see it, and then I just look at something else, it doesn't even phase me. I can never comfort anyone either, other peoples emotions always seem awkward and trivial, I'll put up with them, but I just want to get away as soon as I can.

Any help?

You are rather dissasociative but I don't think you're a sociopath or anything. I will venture into the idea that you are afraid to let your guard down because that HURTS, and you use the guise, "emotions are weakness." That is not true, it takes a strong person indeed to let out their feelings.

You can't really connect with people since you think it's weakness to have emotion, and so you distance yourself. You are aware of this and some part of you is trying to tell you something. But that is for you to discover.

If it makes you feel better, I've done a similar thing. I had bipolar for the last ten years of my life, and in high school I couldn't take things, because my emotions were all I knew. It's like some one controlling your body, and you can do nothing but watch. I'd be happy talkative some times, and fun, out going. Then I'd get really pi$$y with every one and everything till I finnaly just gave up and fought to keep myself alive, I'm referring to suicid.

The point is, my family couldn't handle it, my friends I cut myself off from, and closed everything off. I felt extreamly apathetic, when you don't feel one way or the other about anything. Then I met a girl and I was on a love high, but other then her I cut every one out.

You may want to talk to a Psychiatrist, psychologist to help you figure your behaviour out. To me it sounds like you fear opening up in case some one hurts you. And just so you know, it's OK to cry it lets people know you care. And its not easy to do.

Peace be with you.

Then go to NA. It's a 12-step program too and, if you like what you saw and heard there, were comfortable there, so why not??

I have to say, I really don't feel comfortable about sharing feeling, really any feelings at all... I can sometimes over the internet like this, but that's just because I know I won't have to look someone in the eye and answer some line of bull about my childhood.

I can always see their eyes, predict what they're going to say, I can tell they think they've got me figured out, and they think they know "exactly where I am" when they don't know jack. That smug look, the look that says they know exactly what's going on and I just can't understand, ugh, the only thing worse is the fake sympathy look.

I may start going to NA... but the only one close is the one my dad goes to occasionally...

Try telling yourself your story, pay attention to your thoughts, and write them down. You may need to write your story out so you can stop to write out your thoughts, because our thoughts have a huge impact on our feelings.

Though you sound very intelegent and strong and confident, you still have insecurities, fears, pain, suffering, and a voice in side your head that says hey that's not cool. Or you wouldn't care if you're a jerk or ill.

So my question is, why do you care?

Peace be with you.

Why do I care? I don't know...

I think you've given me something to think about for awhile...

Good night everyone...

Quote:

Originally Posted by ultimate_user_name

I have to say, I really don't feel comfortable about sharing feeling, really any feelings at all... I can sometimes over the internet like this, but that's just because I know I won't have to look someone in the eye and answer some line of bull about my childhood.

I can always see their eyes, predict what they're going to say, I can tell they think they've got me figured out, and they think they know "exactly where I am" when they don't know jack. That smug look, the look that says they know exactly what's going on and I just can't understand, ugh, the only thing worse is the fake sympathy look.

I may start going to NA..... the only one close is the one my dad goes to occasionally though...

Maybe they are not looking at you like they know you, but like they are trying to relate, understand so they can find some way to help you.

I may sound like I know you, but I'm only relating to you what I understand your expressions to mean.

If you don't want any one's help in the way of Psychiatrist, and Psychologist, then bare in mind you are not the only one in the world to suffer, be afraid, be angery, and confused. We all feel these things, at one time or another. Do you agree or disagree?

Another thing, the only reason one can not understand you is bacuase you refuse to let them in.

Last thing, Try looking up Cognitive Psychology, and do some heavy reading into it. This psychological approch is heavely dependent upon the individual recognizing their triggers, what they mean, the feelings/actions (or lack there of.), and breaking it all down so that you can manage things in a healthier way. You may like that better than any theropy, because it is all on you, you have to be strong enough, dilegent(work on your own) enough to face this on your own. Can you do it? Try looking up the book, yes self help, "talking to your self". Its' not about going crazy, it's about learning ot take control of your thoughts, and realising what you are doing to prompt your habits, behaviours, and feelings.

Peace be with you.

You're an excellent writer. (Anyone who can spell "colossal" correctly is okay in my book.) Start writing all this down in a notebook and store it in a safe place. Just do stream of consciousness, let it all go onto the pages. Make one of those pages a letter to your dad. Don't mail or give it to him, but tell him in the letter all the joys and sorrows you've experienced in being his child.

And being detached has its good points. Can you think of any?