Ask Me Help Desk - Is he using me for sex?

Is he using me for sex?

I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months now, I really do Love him.. but since we've started being sexually active, I started having loads of question marks bugging me in the head. He usually wants me to go around his house and have sex. He tells me that he's serious with me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I asked him why he is always into sex and that I am feeling like I'm being used. He was shocked, he said "sex is a way of showing your love. If you don't want to have sex with me I will not even touch you again if you're going to continue feeling used, but sex is what every guy needs I don't want to go sleeping around with other girls, I want you because I love you."

He doesn't let me go anywhere without him, he gets really annoyed when other boys look at me, he even gets jealous when his cousins talk to me!

Does he love me, or is he just lying and using me?
Please help! :confused:

So he says every guy needs it and he doesn't want to go sleeping around with other girls? Sounds like manipulation to me. If this is how he's going to treat you then you need to get rid of him. Sex shouldn't be anything but a mutual desire. If he wants it despite you telling him no than he doesn't respect you and would probably have sex with you even if you didn't want it. So in his eyes you are a sex object to him. Not much into caring how you feel, that would be a relationship.

I don't think that he is using you for sex, but have you tried talking to him about his jealousy issues?

The fact that he sounds a complete control jelouse freak sends alarm bells racing let alone the sex issue ! Sex is not something that makes or has to be in a relationship you need to have the relationship and the sex is then a bonus to that !

So this guy is saying that if you do not sleep with him then he is going to never touch you again and maybe start sleeping around... This would be a clear RED FLAG to walk away and leave his .

This guy sounds like he is not mature at all and basis his relationships on sex and nothing more.

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disagrees: I think you read the original post wrong...

Poseidon934 which part is wrong from reading this below?

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I asked him why he is always into sex and that I am feeling like I'm being used. He was shocked, he said "sex is a way of showing your love. If you don't want to have sex with me I will not even touch you again if you're going to continue feeling used, but sex is what every guy needs I don't want to go sleeping around with other girls, I want you because I love you."

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He doesn't let me go anywhere without him, he gets really annoyed when other boys look at me, he even gets jealous when his cousins talk to me!

Does he love me, or is he just lying and using me?

Already u hv lost verginity... wht next... go and sleep with him for ever...

What ages are you guys?

Were you both virgins before this?

Probably both r giving priority to sex than any thing...

I think he loves you. He's not using you. Its normal for him to want sex. He's a young healthy man right? Most young men have a strong sexual appetite. Be happy your man wants you and no one else.

Is the sex not good for you? Is that why your complaining?

There are other important things to a relationship besides sex and sex isn't the only way to show your approciation nor love towards your partner. It seems like he value sex above anything else.

Besides this the control he has over you is unhealty too. He's not your dad and shouldn't have to follow you around everywhere. He is very insecure. Getting upset becauae another guy looks at you proves it. Next he is going be telling you what to wear and isolating you from family and friends.

Don't settle, at least for this guy because things will only get worst before it gets good. I really don't think you can say or do anything to get through to him because of the issues he already has. And to be honest this relationship isn't healthy so pay attention to the red flags and don't ignore it and then decide what is in your best interest because I think your be bette off and can do better.

I do agree with ChrissyMarie, but live him for ever. Am I right ChrissyMarie

Dump him!

You deserve better.

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There are other important things to a relationship besides sex and sex isn't the only way to show your approciation nor love towards your partner. It seems like he value sex above anything else.

I agree fully this was my view to.

Yeah there really are other ways to show your love for each other other then sex! And appreciation.

If your gut is telling you that he is more interested in sex then you, since you started having sex, then maybe you should seriously consider to leave him.

That is not to say that he doesn't care about you, because he might. But to try to manipulate you by saying that;

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Originally Posted by rockchick93

If you don't want to have sex with me I will not even touch you again if you're going to continue feeling used, but sex is what every guy needs I don't want to go sleeping around with other girls, I want you because I love you."

I think on some lvl both males and females need sex, but the way he puts it is really extreme. One thing is to want to share something as intimate as sex (i.e. often it is a very intimate experience between two people who are in a relationship), but he brings it up to a whole other lvl by saying that every guy needs it....

He also seem to have issues involving jealousy and that he needs to control you, that is a very bad sign in and of it self and when you put the sex issue on top of it... is this really a relationship you want to be in? Can he change his behavior? And more important... is he willing to change?

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roxypox agrees: I agree as well, many red flags, and I don't think you read the op wrong

Thank you roxypox... I double read the post and was sure I had read it correct.

I don't think he is using you but it isn't something I would stay in. Does he take you out? Compliment you? Call you to see how your day is?
There is nothing wrong with a boyfriend wanting to sleep with his girlfriend (even a lot) but there has to be more to the relationship.

If he was just using you, I don't think the jealously would be an issue if he was getting what he wanted. In all honesty, if he was using you, he wouldn't care about anything else. But after only 9 months, I would red flag him as well because the jealousy will only get worse and could potentially turn very bad.

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Originally Posted by RLC1686

I dont think he is using you but it isn't something I would stay in. Does he take you out? Compliment you? Call you to see how your day is?
There is nothing wrong with a boyfriend wanting to sleep with his girlfriend (even a lot) but there has to be more to the relationship.

If he was just using you, I dont think the jealously would be an issue if he was getting what he wanted. In all honesty, if he was using you, he wouldn't care about anything else. But after only 9 months, I would red flag him as well because the jealousy will only get worse and could potentially turn very bad.

He takes me out every weekend and drops me home after school whenever he has time off work.. he does call and text me everyday to see how I'm doing... Recently he's been bugging me about meeting my parents.. do all these mean that he cares about me? :(

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Originally Posted by amichelle17

i don't think that he is using you for sex, but have you tried talking to him about his jealousy issues?

He just says that he's scared to lose me and he loves me too much, and that's why he is so jealous of everything I do!