Hi, I am having a real hard time lately due to my constant thoughts all day and all night. I have been diagnosed as having anxiety, being bi-polar, and having ADHD. The one symptom of all these illnesses that I have the most trouble with is the fact that I cannot sleep without some sort of meds to calm my brain down. This may seem like a no brainer to most of you, your thinking so take some meds and get some sleep, right. Well, its not that easy. I have abused every med ever given to me even the ones the Dr. said were not addictive, that "do not have potential for abuse" well if you take enough of anything it's going to alter something in your body. I believe this abuse came about because since I was 15, 29 now I had been an alcoholic and constant drug user (pot, lsd, mescaline, pills etc.. ) with lots of alcohol. I never realized I had all these mental health issues because whenever I was down I partied, whenever I was happy I partied, there was never a bad excuse to party. Then five years ago I met a woman who turned my life around a little at a time. I married that woman, we have been married a little over a year now. Presently my use consists of an occasional beer or two maybe once a month, a joint here or there if someone is sharing, and my perscription meds whenever I can get them. The alcohol does not concern me, I can take it or leave it. The pot helps me sleep, helps me calm down and relax and really is the perfect solution for my problems except for the fact that I would always have to remain at home only with my wife and real close friends cause otherwise I'll have a panic attack and pass out if I go anywhere else or in public while I am stoned. Then there's the pills I can take them anywhere I can even keep them in my pocket and they are legal with my name on them and everything. I can take one and feel better or I can take a whole bunch and feel great, sleep all night then get up and do it all again. Until I run out. When I run out I get very depressed (not suicidal never have been) my emotions take over and I feel all the pain that I missed out on while I was high on meds. Well I'm out of pills going on three days now. I have not slept a whole night through, and the thoughts are racing faster than ever now. I have been through the crying spell and next comes the urge to get a refill. I have been able to refrain from doing so but regardless I eventually will have to or I will go insane from lack of sleep and listening to my own voice inside my head all day and night. I guess what I am asking is, Does anyone have this same problem and how did you overcome? Does anyone have any suggestions for me?
See, I created in myself a drug abuse problem and if I had known all along that there was an under lying mental problem I could have sought treatment before the alcohol and drugs took over, or was it the drugs and alcohol that created the mental problems. Either way I just feel like I really ed myself over. I'm not going to go to rehab or drug counceling I have done it all before. I don't see the point in seeking help to stop abusing the meds when any Dr. is going to perscribe them to me for my mental health it's a vicious circle. To me it sounds like trying to treat an alcoholic with alcohol. I'll take all your thoughts into concideration. Thanks for listening and sorry it's so long but I had to get it all out... maybe I should've been a writer

Well, if you know everything, why ask for help that you are going to refuse?

I say you go to a have a sleep study done,hopefully you have health insurance,its costly,but they can help determine your sleep pattern and that is a start,what have you got to lose.and if they suggest a different medicine try it and don't give up to soon on it.give it a chance( 6 weeks).

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Originally Posted by Choux

Well, if you know everything, why ask for help that you are going to refuse?

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The only thing I would refuse is rehab or drug counceling. I clearly stated that I did not think that would not work for me because even after I complete such programs the Dr. Will perscribe the very thing that that I am trying to quit. Kind of like putting a kid in front of a candy dish. Don't get me wrong I'm not refusing all help I'm simply asking for an alternative to meds or possibly a med that I can not abuse. Your assuming I am a hard who won't listen when really I'm just being realistic and true to myself in saying that I don't have the self control to take my meds as perscribed. I know that's my fault for the way I have lived my life but give me some credit I know what won't work for me and I am asking for some alternative solutions to my problem. You my friend have offered me nothing. I have not claimed to know everything nor have I said that I would refuse any help offered to me, but I did state what I would not do. If anyone honestly thinks someone in my position could complete a rehab treatment and then take perscription drugs without abusing them let me know. I am just trying to be realistic. Be honest if you think there's no hope tell me, but otherwise don't criticize me for my sincere plea for help. Your response offered me no help or advise at all give a guy a chance before you shoot him down. I'm sure you have some other idea other than the negative response you gave me.

The only thing that helps addicts is rehab and counseling. Rehab requires you to be honest about who you really are and accept what will help you live a clean and sober life----that includes getting new friends.

Otherwise, you are on the road to a very unhappy ending, my friend. One of my brothers had a problem similar to yours, and he finally had to commit suicide from the pain and misery of drug addiction and mental illness. A lot of his misery and suffering could have been avoided if he had quit illegal drugs and stuck to his regular meds... gone to Narcotics Anonymous and started to build a life for himself. Junkies don't want to quit their drugs, but it is the first step and the only way toward health.

So, good luck to you going forward. :)

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Originally Posted by Choux

The only thing that helps addicts is rehab and councelling. Rehab requires you to be honest about who you really are and accept what will help you live a clean and sober life----that includes getting new friends.

Otherwise, you are on the road to a very unhappy ending, my friend. One of my brothers had a problem similar to yours, and he finally had to commit suicide from the pain and misery of drug addiction and mental illness. A lot of his misery and suffering could have been avoided if he had quit illegal drugs and stuck to his regular meds...gone to Narcotics Anonymous and started to build a life for himself. Junkies don't want to quit their drugs, but it is the first step and the only way toward health.

So, good luck to you going forward. :)

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Thank you, I do understand what you are saying. I'm sorry to hear about your brother, it's hard to watch someone take that road. I have been watching my father slowly dying for my whole life, due to his drug and alcohol abuse mixed with mental health issues. Today he still drinks but has quit all drugs and he is dealing with his mental state with counceling and therapy. I still don't like the idea of rehab or counceling simply because I only abuse the mess perscribed to me and if I don't have them I don't go searching for them or try to obtain them illegaly. I guess what I'm saying is I don't feign for them but if I do have them I will abuse them. It has been about a week now and I have not refilled my prescription (this one is actually a pain pill cause I also suffer from chronic neck and shoulder pain, that also helps me sleep) I currently do not have a perscription for any psych meds and do not plan on getting any. I have been using over the counter sleep aids witch once I fall asleep help me stay asleep. I still have a hard time falling asleep sometimes two or three hours, sometimes I may not sleep at all until daytime for some reason it is easier to sleep when I'm not supposed to. So, I'm going to keep at this I'm clean and I feel generally good, tired but good...

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Originally Posted by truthxbextold

i say you go to a have a sleep study done,hopefully you have health insurance,its costly,but they can help determine your sleep pattern and that is a start,what have you got to lose.and if they suggest a different medicine try it and dont give up to soon on it.give it a chance( 6 weeks).

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Thank you

Havw you tried to treat one thing at a time? My boyfriend is bipolar and is on depakote and xyprexa and is doing very well with it. One of the reasons for the drug and alcohol abuse is the mental disorder. I have done a lot of research so that I can help my boyfriend , and have read over and over that when an illness such as bipolar is untreated your mind does not allow you to think clearly enough to make decisions, like to stop doing things like drugs and alcohol. There is no quick fix. It sounds like you have a lot to overcome, and when you decide it is time, you will face these issues and do something about it. Lots of luck...

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Originally Posted by jenn4094u

Havw you tried to treat one thing at a time? My boyfriend is bipolar and is on depakote and xyprexa and is doing very well with it. One of the reasons for the drug and alcohol abuse is the mental disorder. I have done alot of research so that I can help my boyfriend , and have read over and over that when an illness such as bipolar is untreated your mind does not allow you to think clearly enough to make decisions, like to stop doing things like drugs and alcohol. There is no quick fix. It sounds like you have alot to overcome, and when you decide it is time, you will face these issues and do something about it. lots of luck...

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Thank you, and just an update to everyone I still have not refilled my perscription. I am as sober as ever and I'm starting to feel like my old self. I still have my "mental moments" but I'd really like to try and overcome this on my own:)

[QcUOTE=;][/QUOTEchange your thinking. Say to yourself I rebuke these thoughst, I won't accept this thought./]Thoughts are very powerful. Thoughts create our world, and we have a choice on what thoughts we think on. There has been lots of books written about the power of positive thinking that are very good that can help you train yourself to
Think the right way. We do have a choice on what we thnk about. A good way to start changing your pattern of thinking is to say affirmations Here is a good one to start with... ' I AM HEALTHY, STRONG, YOUNG, POWERFUL, LOVING, HARMONIOUS, SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPY ''. When you say this think on each word and believe it for yourself. Write this down and repeat it often.Go to your library or book store and look up books that are on positive thinking. There still may be time to get your life straight, if you listen to what people are saying. Keep repeating that above affirmation, it is strong and powerful. It wouldn't hurt to rent some very funny movies and have some good belly laughs. You will find that very healing to your mind, body and soul. Wishing you the best.


Maggie 3

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Originally Posted by Maggie 3

[QcUOTE=;][/QUOTEchange your thinking. Say to yourself I rebuke these thoughst, I won't accept this thought./]Thoughts are very powerful. Thoughts create our world, and we have a choice on what thoughts we think on. There has been lots of books written about the power of positive thinking that are very good that can help you train yourself to
think the right way. We do have a choice on what we thnk about. A good way to start changing your pattern of thinking is to say affirmations Here is a good one to start with.... ' I AM HEALTHY, STRONG, YOUNG, POWERFUL, LOVING, HARMONIOUS, SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPY ''. When you say this think on each word and believe it for yourself. Write this down and repeat it often.Go to your library or book store and look up books that are on positive thinking. There still may be time to get your life straight, if you listen to what people are saying. Keep repeating that above affirmation, it is strong and powerful. It wouldn't hurt to rent some very funny movies and have some good belly laughs. You will find that very healing to your mind, body and soul. Wishing you the best.


Maggie 3

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Actually I have found that by not focusing on the overactive mind helps the most, the more I try not to think all day and night the worse it gets but if I tell myself to let it go I tend to slip out of the mental abuse I induce upon myself . Still no drugs

You're an addict... that's it. Kick the trashy habit and you'll sleep like a baby. Try herbal pills to sleep or plain old melatonin... works like a charm. You sound like you want to be an addict and that's sad. Be prepared to lose everything in your life... and everyone... including yourself. You said, "I dont see the point in seeking help to stop abusing the meds when any Dr. is going to perscribe them to me for my mental health its a vicious circle"... yeah well you are creating that circle and choose to be there. Grow up!

Dear Hyper-Anxious,
First, ignore some of the snotty replies. You don't need answers like, "just do it" Anyone who has had anykind of experience like you have has NO clue whatsoever of the turmoil you are going through. I believe you %100. I don't have a lot of answers. I certainly relate, and whether the chicken came before the egg, (addictive personality first or the result of using) doesn't solve anything really. Don't give up on outside help. Different structures work for different people. You cannot rely on your wife to get you through this, YOU have to do the work. Keep looking for help in the right places. It took me awhile to find what works for me. First my higher power who I call God and a group called "celebrate recovery". They are everywhere. Google it. Don't forget, NONE of us are perfect and even the most well meaning person(s) can unintentionally let you down.

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Originally Posted by KellyAlexander

You're an addict...that's it. Kick the trashy habit and you'll sleep like a baby. Try herbal pills to sleep or plain old melatonin....works like a charm. You sound like you want to be an addict and that's sad. Be prepared to lose everything in your life...and everyone...including yourself. You said, "I dont see the point in seeking help to stop abusing the meds when any Dr. is going to perscribe them to me for my mental health its a vicious circle"...yeah well you are creating that circle and choose to be there. Grow up!

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I am an addict true enough. As far as losing everything I have, I'm not a ing crackhead. I know in my origonal post I stated my current drug use which consists of an occasional joint, and my perscription meds which I have not taken since my origonal post. It seems everybody only opens their ears to what they want to hear. "kick the trashy habit and you'll sleep like a baby" I can't sleep because my anxiety and bi-polar and hyperactivity cause my mind to race and the thoughts are neverending. I have probably re-lived every moment of my life that I can remember and some moments I have not lived yet. The meds perscribed by the Dr.s calm my thought process and my body physically. Unfortunately, I like to abuse these meds. (when I have them). I do not go seeking these meds illegaly, nor do I sell my possessions or manipulate my friends and family. I simply turn a 30 day supply into a 10 or 15 day supply and when they are gone they are gone. Being an addict I do not have the will power to take these drugs as perscribed. It is easier for me to go without them altogether, than to resist the urge to go to the medicine chest to pop another pill. I did create the circle but I do not choose to be there... still no meds

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Originally Posted by johnnyb08

Dear Hyper-Anxious,
First, ignore some of the snotty replies. You don't need answers like, "just do it" Anyone who has had anykind of experience like you have has NO clue whatsoever of the turmoil you are going through. I believe you %100. I don't have alot of answers. I certainly relate, and whether the chicken came before the egg, (addictive personality first or the result of using) doesn't solve anything really. Don't give up on outside help. Different structures work for different people. You cannot rely on your wife to get you through this, YOU have to do the work. Keep looking for help in the right places. It took me awhile to find what works for me. First my higher power who i call God and a group called "celebrate recovery". They are everywhere. Google it. Don't forget, NONE of us are perfect and even the most well meaning person(s) can unintentionally let you down.

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Thank you, Your right when people don't know what you are going through it's too easy to throw judgement around. So people if your not sure of how to answer a question, instead of using stereotypes to base your advice on how about a "good luck" or "don't give up"

I'm definitely not an expert, but isn't it dangerous to go off your medication when you are bipolar? I don't know how it is for you, just please be careful.

I read this through before, but didn't say anything because you said you were successfully off your medication. I will now though. I know you say that drug counseling and the like didn't work for you, but maybe you just didn't find the right person. Maybe try drug counseling and having your wife or someone distribute the medication to you, as needed, and keep the medication's location secret and/or locked, in case you go looking. Maybe talk to your doctor and see what they think about your situation. Just things to consider.

Congratulations on staying clean! Good luck and don't give up.:)

Hyper-anxious, I'm kind of confused about your use. You said pain meds. Is that what you mean when you say you use a 30 day supply in less than half the time? If there is anyway you can manage with the pain, try suboxone. I'm not a dr. by any stretch, but it is effective,it works, virtually no withdrawel. Anyway, Obviously if you are hoping to get an easy answer here, you won't. The general concencus here is find a program that works for you. Don't give on that. Hang in there, unless you are not even trying, you are making progress. God Bless.

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Originally Posted by give2me1lemons

I'm definitely not an expert, but isn't it dangerous to go off your medication when you are bipolar? I don't know how it is for you, just please be careful.

I read this through before, but didn't say anything because you said you were successfully off your medication. I will now though. I know you say that drug counseling and the like didn't work for you, but maybe you just didn't find the right person. Maybe try drug counseling and having your wife or someone distribute the medication to you, as needed, and keep the medication's location secret and/or locked, in case you go looking. Maybe talk to your doctor and see what they think about your situation. Just things to consider.

Congratulations on staying clean! Good luck and don't give up.:)

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I have had my wife keep my meds for me before and that was effective. But, I would like to go without them all together. I'm tired of being dependent on drugs as I have been my whole life. The pain is not so bad that I have to take the pills (sometimes it gets un-tolerable) and the only reason I have ever taken meds for my bi-polar, anxiety and adhd was so I could sleep at night and to calm me down. I'm not so far gone that I have to take them, they just help make some of the symptoms of those illness easier to deal with... still no meds

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Originally Posted by johnnyb08

hyper-anxious, I'm kind of confused about your use. You said pain meds. Is that what you mean when you say you use a 30 day supply in less than half the time? If there is anyway you can manage with the pain, try suboxone. I'm not a dr. by any stretch, but it is effective,it works, virtually no withdrawel. Anyway, Obviously if you are hoping to get an easy answer here, you won't. The general concencus here is find a program that works for you. Don't give on that. Hang in there, unless you are not even trying, you are making progress. God Bless.

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I was using my prescription pain killers for pain, anxiety, sleep and to get high on. A 30 day supply (90 pills) would only last me about 10 to 15 days. I was taking about 10 a day. I know there is no easy answere or miracle cure but every little bit of advise helps. It also helps me just writing about it, that way it stays fresh in my mind and keeps me going in the right direction. Almost like going to an AA or NA meeting right here in my own home. I am just going to do without the pain pills so there is no temptation there... still no meds

Hi Hyper-anxious... having read your situation and what you have been diagnosed with, reminds me of my son, who suffers amongst other things with... PURE O.. which is a severe eliment of.. OCD.. your symptoms are identical.. the way your mind is on constant alert day and night is a classic symptom and has like yourselve drove my son to despair.

He explains it as being on constant replay... always there... in the background... a noise that is constant no matter what he atempts to do,almost driving him to the point of destruction and in a totally consuming anxiety state with no where else to go.

OCD is cause by anxiety and anxiety is the cause of OCD a vicious circle which has to be broken.

His diagnoses came 4 years ago after 10 years of suffering and being perscibed all manner of pills because they had no idea what it was... he was referred to a psycyatrist, who never had a clue, eventually another psyciatrist who actually listened for a change did help.

Over 4 years like yourself various drugs were tried with very bad side effects... there was one that just took the edge off the depression which is what he takes now.

My son did a lot of investigation into the illness himself and would not accept some of the things that were perscibed and told to him knowing that most of the information that he was given was sheer guess work on the part of the health system.

In the end about 1 year ago now he said he couldn't go on in limbo like this he had to stop on this one drug that help just a little realizing and having been told that there is no cure for this illness, so he decided with the help of learning C B T which is trying too control your own mind when you go on a spell and a lot of understanding from the family... when he's in a bad spell, sometimes it's hard to take, but I know it will pass, until the next one.

This has worked up to a point but it does prevent him from leading a normal life, you never know when the switch is going to turn over to the bad him, so you can never make plans, this is very sad as he was a writer by trade having a university education and worked very hard.

He says at least now refusing anymore trial meds, it means that he can now accept his condition and learn to live with it, instead of maybe they will find a cure.

I know there are the ups and downs but at least he knows the score now and is better for it in his mind.

The drugs... SSRI AND TRICYCLETS are just not worth the side effects and in truth only created more problems.

PLease visit the U.K O C D WEBB SITE, STUCK IN A DOORWAY


PLease go back and see your doctor because I am sure that there is more that can be done, even if you only have a mild sleeping pill and your wife has to go and get one each day, I am sure if only you could get a few days decent sleep your mind would begin to recover which would make you less anxious and in turn stop your mind from the constant thinking... please go back and do some knagging if necessary.

Takecare

It will get better