How can I explain this... I'm 12. Which, to some people, is tiny. Well, it's not. I have a "official" boyfriend. Who's truly fantastic. I love him. Simple. But why don't my parents just understand that I'm growing up? What they try to do is get my to talk about it. All they know is that there's this guy who I like at school. Nothing else. Oh, and the fact the I'm doodling love hearts on my desk 24/7. What my parents keep telling me is that "the world is big. You don't know who you'll meet in the future." Please. I kissed him. And I love him... So there's not really much they can do. But why can't they just accept it and try and help me with all the future dramas that I'll meet instead of reminding me every 3 seconds that I'm 12 and is therefore, too young? Oh, and the fact that they keep reminding me that they both didn't date till UNIVERSITY doesn't help AT ALL. How can I just let them know that it's my OWN LIFE and I'm actually just growing up?

PS- I know. They're overprotective. And that they love me like heck.

PPS- It been 4 months since we were "official". Me and my boyfriend, I mean. Just thought you guys would want to know.

Your parents are telling you that because they remember being 12. I crushed on a guy from 3rd grade until 10th grade. Didn't marry him, never even told him. Maybe I'll work up the courage at our 25 High School reunion.

As you get older the things you want out of life change. I married at age 19 and wouldn't recommend it. We're still together, but we had a lot of hard times (emotionally) because we grew up a lot during the first 10 years of marriage.

Enjoy your relationship while it lasts. You may be a rare entity and stay together forever, or you might find that you want and need something else in a few months or years.

To be honest and turn a blind eye to your feelings, listen to your parents because they are right. You knew you would get this answer! But now that I have said that, I'll try to be more empathetic to your situation and provide some advice. Granted, when I was your age, twelve year old girls were still playing with dolls and believing in romantic fairy tales, while twelve year old boys were playing in the mud with G.I.Joe "action figures" and swearing off girls like they were the plague! It's a hard pill to swallow for parents, that youth today are MUCH more advanced than we were at the same age. It doesn't change the fact you are a 12 year old child, by anyone's standards.

My wife was 12, and I was 15 when we first met on the school bus. It was the 'love at first sight' story that fairy tales are made of. We were "boyfriend/girlfriend" all the way through high school. Even now, after SEVERAL years of marriage, we know that the best thing we ever did was focus FIRST on our education, and that included college. Focus on who and what you want to be as an adult, and everything else will fall into line.

Listen to your parents, if for no other reason than because they have what is in your best interest in their hearts. Right now, school is your top priority. Do not let this relationship effect that. If this relationship can weather through school, then you have a decent foundation for the future.

You have your entire adult life to focus on love. Use your youth to focus on education, because the older you get, the harder school gets.

Take it from me, my relationship with my wife is the kind of relationship that makes other people sick. We are huggy and kissy and lovey-dovey, super mushy with one another and have an awesome life together. We hold hands everywhere we go and I hold her doors open and pull her chairs out, the whole mushy fairytale IS our life. But if we had not focused on our education, and had not BOTH achieved successful careers as a result, WE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP THAT WE HAVE.

Focus on school. Hopefully your boyfriend has gotten the same advice that I am giving you.

P.S.

We have been together now for 18 years. After high school we both went off to college. We got married AFTER we established ourselves as successful adults and this year will only be our 8th wedding anniversary. We both agree, the best thing we ever did was not let our relationship take priority over our education. Now that we have our education out of the way and are set in our careers, we get to focus on US, all the time. We have ZERO regrets.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by cwong2

How can I explain this... I'm 12. Which, to some people, is tiny. Well, it's not. I have a "official" boyfriend. Who's truely fantastic. I love him. Simple. But why don't my parents just understand that I'm growing up? What they try to do is get my to talk about it. All they know is that there's this guy who I like at school. Nothing else. Oh, and the fact the I'm doodling love hearts on my desk 24/7. What my parents keep telling me is that "the world is big. You don't know who you'll meet in the future." Please. I kissed him. And I love him... So there's not really much they can do. But why can't they just accept it and try and help me with all the future dramas that I'll meet instead of reminding me every 3 seconds that I'm 12 and is therefore, too young? Oh, and the fact that they keep reminding me that they both didn't date till UNIVERSITY doesn't help AT ALL. How can I just let them know that it's my OWN LIFE and I'm actually just growing up?

PS- I know. They're overprotective. And that they love me like heck.

PPS- It been 4 months since we were "official". Me and my boyfriend, I mean. Just thought you guys would want to know.

---

How old is your boyfriend? That can make a HUGE difference in the advice you'll get here.

You are going to have SO many experiences in your life, it sounds like your parents just want to make sure you don't make a mistake with your future. You've reached "that age" where it can be awkward for parents to talk to their kids. Have they had the "sex, venereal disease, birth control" conversation with you yet?

They sound like they are trying to prevent some of the future dramas (pregnant teen-- probably top of the list) instead of waiting until you are in the situation. Maybe they just aren't ready to see you get your heart broken.

Why don't you want to talk about it to your parents? You wish they would accept that you are growing up, you need to act like it then and sit down and talk with them. Work with them to establish age appropriate "dating limits" such as:
* You only spend time with him when parents are supervising
* A drop in your grades means you don't see him until the grades improve
* NO SEX (or petting or hooking up)
Ber

Your parents are being very understanding and unobtrusive.

They are trying to let you be the person you are BECOMING (not are as this is a process people of all ages are going through but with particular turbulence through your teen years which you haven't hit yet!)

You haven't said that they said that you are too young, just to keep everything in perspective. Is this correct? If so, you are lucky because kids your age have much more protective and stunting parents than this.

You ask why your parents won't help you through the drama, but then you say they don't know anything about your "boyfriend". If you want them to help you you need to be more open to them.

You ask what's wrong with dating at 12. The answer is that you are still too young to understand all the issues involved. And your parent remember what it was like when they were 12.

On the other hand, kids are growing up earlier these days. Personally I think that's a shame that kids can't relax and enjoy their childhoods, but want to grow up so fast.

But one final word. If this is really love, it will stand the test of time. So don't worry about waiting until you are little older.

It's kind of hard to open up to them when all they open up to me is that they never dated till university. And he's 13. My boyfriend, I mean. But he's in the same classes as me. My parents are... Just... Overprotective. Cause his parents both know and they are all okay with it. Mum wouldn't even let me go down the elevator by myself until I turned 11. And now she still lectures me before I do. Go down, I mean. Mum hasn't said anything about the whole "sex lecture" yet... In their eyes, Im still a good little girl that gets perfect grades... But whenever we watch movies that has anything about it, they just give me the whole "those things (like teen sex) only work out in movies. in real life their more complicated. Don't do it." lecture... And I'm not that crazy. (PLEASE... With parents like mine, chances of me even spending the night at anyone's place before they know both the kids parents and phone numbers and exactly what I'm going to be doing= 0) I've only been to 3 sleepovers in my life so far. Oh, and what happened to all the "enjoy life while you can" stuff? Oh, and it doesn't really help that I'm living away from my home country. I'm in China. And that means that everyone that goes to our school are going to leave sooner or later. So I can't exactly "wait and see if it works out" when either of us might leave anytime.

PS- Is it true that "in those days" no one dated till university and didn't sleep with anyone till they got married? Because that's what my parents seem to show...

PPS- My grades are still literally perfect. Nothing below 85%.

First, perfect grades are all 100%. With some grades as low as 85% you are getting very good grades, but not perfect.

Second, You say you are living away from your home country in China. What is your home country. Your english is very good, by the way and a high level of maturity shows in your writing.

Third, as to the "enjoy life while you can", that advice is meant more for adults who can fully understand the consequences of their actions.

But the bottomline here is you need to talk to your parents. You need to show your parents how mature and level headed you are. When watching a move that includes teen sex, you pipe up first. Tell then how unrealistic the movie situation appears to be. Show them that you understand the consequences of sexual behavior. In otherwords, show them that you can be trusted to do the right thing.

I'm from Hong Kong. Which is still part of China, but it's "different".

It's kind of hard to believe that my parents will actually trust me to "do the right thing" when they don't even trust me to go to the grocery store across the street myself.

And, the only subject which I'm getting lower than 90% in is Chinese. Which is kind of weird because it's meant to be my first language and all that crap.