My relationship of 5 years isn't everything I want.
I have been with my boyfriend for five years, we've had a house together for 2 years. Before I could imagine us getting married and feeling happier than ever, but there's been times in the past he's just upped and left me with no explanation, and I've never even got a phone call from him. It happened a couple of times, I don't think he was cheating on me, it was more with the fat he was scared of commitment even though he is 5 years older than me. And to this day I can't forgive him for not being there when I needed him. I feel we are growing apart but I don't want us to, as we are settled in our home.
However, there has always been a guy I've liked since school which was around 6 years ago, I've never been able to look at him as another guy. My stomach does a back flip when I see him. We were going to start a relationship, but he said he wasn't ready at the time which was fair enough. And that's when I got with my boyfriend. This guy has come back on the scene and the chemistry is intense, I know that if I don't do anything about it I will regret it in time. I have not cheated on my boyfriend as I have told the other guy nothing can happen unless I am single. But what if I'm making a huge mistake, I don't feel like I can break my boyfriends heart, he will do anything and everything for me. But then I still feel my boyfriend leaving me down in the past, and not being there when I needed him, that the relationship hasn't been everything I've wanted from the start :( its been my only relationship and I'm 22 yrs old. I haven't a clue what to do as I think you only get one life and its better to regret the things you do not the thing you don't do. I think that my biggest problem is I've only had the one 5 year relationship and its all I've ever known, I've never had my own space going straight from living with my strict parents to living with him, and him wanting to know my every move. I just want to get up and do my own things sometimes without having to make sure if its OK with him.
Any answers are appreciated, my head is really in the shed. Thanks x