Ask Me Help Desk - Can you be to nice?

In my past 3 relationships the men in my life have ALL disregarded my birthday, by forgetting it preferring to go to the pub or not getting me a present.
My last boyfriend has managed to top it off and make me question my worth. We went away for the wkend for his mates wedding (I ended up paying for almost everything flights accom. Car rental), it was my birthday on the Monday and we were going to stay longer to spend time together as we had a long distance relationship. At the last minute he decided he couldn't afford to stay longer so as always he got his way and we didn't. During the trip he got weird and when we got back he didn't get me anything for my birthday then followed that up with not seeing me for almost a month, still no present. When I said something to him he just said it was his bad and as far as he was concerened that was it.
It was then xmas and he went away with his family, on xmas eve we spoke and I was upset and couldn't really talk he said he'd call me on xmas, all I got was a text message. The next thing I knew he was breaking up with me over the phone and telling me that he still wants to see me but I want too much out of the relationship. All I want is to love and be loved but he has a lot of issues over his nasty exwife and it made our life difficult.
Though I can't stop thinking about why I always end up presentless on my b'day and xmas he has really messed me up. I need to know what it is I do wrong to make everyone treat me like this. Its been 9yrs since I had a good b'day everyone says I'm too nice is that possible??

I'd just like to say that I'm really sorry that people have treated you in the past like that but unfortunately I've got some harsh news for you. You only get the behaviour you accept. You subconsciously tell a person that it is OK to treat you like this when you accept it.

You accepted it. You questioned your worth. No one can make you feel something. You allowed this to happen to you. Don't be a victim. Take control.

You are not too nice. You allow people to treat you like this. If you lay down on the floor with a 'welcome' sign taped to your forehead then you will be perceived as a doormat.

You get the type of guy you look for, and end up with the type you will accept. If you date guys that like to hang at the pub with mates, then that is the type of guy he is.

Sometimes you have to give a dog a bone... so... quit throwing bones to the dogs and move on from loser-ville. You deserve better, act like it. Along with nice you are naïve, gullible and way too easy to take advantage of, which attracts the "dogs."

I am sorry, but you don't deserve that, and you know it. Boost your standards, and be weary of who you date.

Carry on... :cool:

You shouldn't be focusing on why guys you date don't get you any presents but why do you date these guys in the first place?

Some people in general would take what they get from a person and suck them dry in the process. People know who they can get over on and who they can't.

While reading your post I couldn't understand why you was more focus on your ex not getting you a present when he showed you all the signs that he didn't care about you. I felt sad for you because you was needy and this is something that people, especially a guy, can see.

You need to work on you. Realize you deserve a better class of guys. Love you and build up your confidence. Don't be or settle with someone because you want someone and don't want to be alone. Therefore you grasp
The first guy that comes along who shows you some type of attention. Don't put out more and be fast to spend your money to keep a guy because that doesn't work.

The present things is something you should forget about and focus on the other issues at hands and it starts with you.

Get yourself a present and learn to love yourself and leave the guys alone until you do. Then you will not accept questionable, and bad behavior in the first place. You will also make better choices for yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

If you date guys that like to hang at the pub with mates, then that is the type of guy he is.

That was only the once he isn't that kind of person, my point was that things always happen on my b'day that was just one thing that has cut deep. And its not just boyfriends that do it everyone takes advantage of me which is frustrating because I'm always there for everyone but thtat is where it stops no one is there for me not even my family. What am I doing wrong to make everyone treat me like this?

You depend on them for happiness, instead of yourself.