I have been best friends with a guy for almost 6 years. He lived in the same state as me but then he moved out of town to go to college. I only see him maybe twice a year but recently we admitted to being in love with one another and have talked about possibly marriage.
We have phone sex on a constant basis but have never actually had sex with one another.
I am flying to see him next month.
We have talked continiously about having sex when I visit.
I am nervous and concerned that we have such high expectations about our first time.
What if it is horrible? What if he doesn't enjoy it at all?
Am I being irrational or should we not talk about it so much so its not as big of a deal?

Help!

I think the fact that you have known each other for a good amount of time will make it that much better and exciting.

You are aware you have expectations that are not likely realistic as phone sex is kind of a shared fantasy world. So long as you realize that there may be some adjustment disappointment, I am sure you will adjust and find a satisfying physical relationship.

A suggestion would be to turn the lights low the first time and be as vocal as you are on the phone since you are both used to each other voice as being an erotic trigger. So if you combine the best of your phone sex with the physical presence of each other you may be in for an very enjoyable time.

Remember your sex life has largely occurred in both of your minds and with your voices, visual distractions in the beginning may take away the focus. So like I said earlier, try to create a semi-dark atmosphere where there are minimal visual distractions and explore with touch while talking more than exploring through your eyes.

You will have more than enough time to adjust to the visual over time, but it is my opinion and experience to keep it at a minimum in your first encounter. However if during your first encounter you are both drawn to the visual by all means go for it, but remember both of you are in the habit of being satisfied a certain way; so just remember those elements are important and don't get upset if both of you are disappointed because you forgot to include those elements and thought just the sight of naked bodies would be enough.

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Originally Posted by asdfghjkl98

I have been best friends with a guy for almost 6 years. He lived in the same state as me but then he moved out of town to go to college. I only see him maybe twice a year but recently we admitted to being in love with one another and have talked about possibly marriage.
we have phone sex on a constant basis but have never actually had sex with one another.
I am flying to see him next month.
We have talked continiously about having sex when i visit.
i am nervous and concerned that we have such high expectations about our first time.
What if it is horrible? what if he doesnt enjoy it at all?
am i being irrational or should we not talk about it so much so its not as big of a deal?

help!?

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He's probably just as nervous as you are hon if not more, because *cough* at least as a woman, you have the backup of being able to fake it to a degree. ;)

He's been waiting 6 years to have sex with someone he loves very much, he's probably got ants in his pants, he's going to LOVE it, don't worry about it. :D

Perhaps before you do it on the night have a reealy relaxing night, don't go out all dolled up and wining and dining and get all worked up. :S Just have a quiet night in, hopefully it's cold so you can wrap up in a blanket with him. Watch a movie and talk, just stay close to him and let him make the first move, you just have to go with it and let it happen naturally from there, so long as you do that, it'll be great!

Let us know how it went! (minus too many details.) :)

I think it is a bad sign that the sexual part of your relationship started as phone sex. I can see why you are nervous. You have had a fantasy life as a "sex worker"(phone sex operative) with him, not as sharing real feelings.

My opinion is that this situation can never work out well for you. Your old friend is not above using and manipulating you... people change a lot throughout life, specially in college.

IF I were you, I woundn't go.


Best wishes to you going forward, :)