Ask Me Help Desk - Parental rights

Parental rights

I am a Mother of 3 children from a previous marriage. I am trying to find a way to remove their father's visitation rights. Beginning 2 years ago he began abusing them physically and emotionally. My children have come home from his house crying and bruised. To start with I did call children services many times and they have spoke to my kids and him several times. Nothing ever seems to happen. The children tell them what's going on and he denies it so they close the case. This is only the beginning. Because the court says he has visitation I have to keep sending them and every time I have to provide the food they eat there and send old clothes because the father does not make them bathe or change, so they get ruined. We also provide all the transportation because he will not come get them, but tries to hold me in contempt when we don't bring them down. Plus half the time they do not even make it through the whole visit, he always calls and tells us to come get them. If they break something at his house we have to pay for it. He never pays his child support unless he has a job (which are few and far between) and they take it directly out of his check.
Let me also say that within the past year, my husband who is in the army has moved us away but we had a change in visitation rights done where they go back on breaks and in the summer. My children seem much happier now and tell me they don't want to go back! They will barely speak to him on the phone.
And now my middle child has been diagnosed with PTSD because of what happened to him. I am at a loss at what to do? Any advice would be appreciated!

Call the police EVERY SINGLE TIME there is an incident.

Does your visitation order say you are responsible for transportation both ways? If it doesn't mention it or says that the person gaining custody is responsible will dictate what to do about that. If it does not say, I *believe* that the parent gaining custody is responsible to pick them up. Verify that with the court.

You do not have to pay for what happens at his house. If he doesn't like it, too bad. They are his kids too. What happens at his house is his problem.

You do not have to provide food for them to eat there. If he fails, it is abuse and grounds for criminal action against him.

It doesn't seem as though your EX is interested in being a parent. Is your husband interested in adopting? If so, your ex might be willing in order to stop the child support.

That's the problem once he has them he doesn't do anything, but he would never sign his kids away, that would make me happy. I am not being vindictive, I only want what's best for my kids. They don't want to go. They don't want to talk to him on the phone. I can't force them.
My son has nightmares and flashbacks (not my words, the doctors) about what he did to him. My current husband loves them and would be more than willing to adopt them. Can it be done even if their real father refuses to sign?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mandy097

Thats the problem once he has them he doesn't do anything, but he would never sign his kids away, that would make me happy. I am not being vindictive, I only want what's best for my kids. They don't want to go. They don't want to talk to him on the phone. I can't force them.
My son has nightmares and flashbacks (not my words, the doctors) about what he did to him. My current husband loves them and would be more than willing to adopt them. Can it be done even if their real father refuses to sign?

Honestly, probably not. You can encourage him by trying to get Child Support Enforcement to go after him harder. And absolutely, call the police every single time he does anything harmful to the kids. Ultimately though, he is their father, for better or worse, and if he wants to remain their father, that is his choice.

Have you spoken to the court about his numerous CPS visits?

How old are the kids?

First, CALL AN ATTORNEY. The next time they come back with a bruise on them, go immediately to your local clerk of court's office and file for an emergency protective order. Make sure you have pictures and testimony from the doctor who is treating the PTSD. Immediately file for a change in custody and emergency custody. Depending on local laws, you will have to immediately file for a permanent protective order. He will not be allowed around your children until a judge hears your case and decides what is best for your situation.

I have a friend who was told by CPS that if he allowed his 2 yr old son to go with the mother, they would take the child from him because he was putting him at risk, knowing full well of the dangers in his mothers care. (btw... I live in PA) I would get a lawyer asap. Contact someone. And police reports should have been filed along with police photos of the children's bruises/scars. I do know also how uncaring and unprofessional CPS is! I've called a number of times because the father of my children is mentally abusive and disregards hygiene. That is not enough basis for any concern on their part though. Thanks for the help when we need it most!

Yes, why are you not reporting him to CPS, why are you not going back to court to get his visits restricted to supervised ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by self_lnflicted_hell

I have a friend who was told by CPS that if he allowed his 2 yr old son to go with the mother, they would take the child from him because he was putting him at risk, knowing full well of the dangers in his mothers care. (btw...I live in PA) I would get a lawyer asap. Contact someone. And police reports should have been filed along with police photos of the childrens bruises/scars. I do know also how uncaring and unprofessional CPS is! I've called a number of times because the father of my children is mentally abusive and disregards hygiene. That is not enough basis for any concern on their part though. Thanks for the help when we need it most!

Have you filed a Motion with the Court, citing your evidence, in order to discontinue his visitation?

Take your kids to a psychologist, get the psychologist to attest that they will be harmed by forcing them to be with their father. Then take that to family court and ask that visitation be either suspended or supervised.