I think I am potentially smothering my girlfriend. We have been together for 3.5 years and have lived together for about 2.5, owning a condo together. About two weeks ago we had an (intoxicated) fight about me not feeling like I was getting enough attention. The same thing happened the next day as well. My girlfriend has always had friends with close boyfriends and husbands and recently made a good friend that is not in a committed relationship. Through conversation I have learned that she has felt bad doing things without me in the past and that has made her unhappy so now she is going to do those things. Also, that she feels that my life revolves around only her (also probably true) and that it puts a lot of stress on her to be the sole source of my hapiness. I believe that I have inadvertently made her feel that way and over the past two weeks have behaved irrationally as a result. I think it is on me to learn that being apart is good not bad. I just want us to be happy together; whatever that takes.

I do not want to ruin what we have built together because I cannot listen to what she wants and give it to her.
Does this sound like the definition of smothering?
Any advice on how to takes steps to make her feel better and more comfortable about girls time?

I have picked up league soccer again and have reconnected with some friends and begun to make plans with them as well. Are these good steps to take.

Thank you in advance for any help.

You are making the right steps. It is important to keep your individuality, especially in a relationship. Being dependent on someone else for happiness, and being a crying baby when you don't get "attention" isn't a very smart way to go about things.

Just keep doing what you are doing. Soccer league's and reconnecting with friends are a great way to do this. What you don't want is her to feel like she has to entertain you 24/7. That will end everything really quick. It is also unnattractive. I think you are making decent progress, so keep it up!

Carry on... :cool:

You can't depend on your girlfriend to make you happy, you can only share happiness. Depending on someone else to make you happy is unhealthy. Start hanging out with your friends once in a while, take up a new hobby, join a gym, etc. then when you're apart for a little while you guys will be able to miss each other. A bit of time apart sounds like it will definitely benefit you both

You both need to keep your lives balanced with other things that make you happy besides each other.

Your making some good first steps.

I agree with what has been said here. Any more advice is welcome. Thanks.

Emergency quick update - I have been doing the things I stated above. Lately she has attended an event held weekly on Wednesday nights with her girl friend. So I was asking around about what my friends were up to and have tentative plans with a friend. I just got a message the extent of which was, "I am not going tonight YAY, I am going to go to gym and a little shopping so I can be home early to see you and we can go shopping together Friday(plans we made yesterday). She will be out of town with friends Saturday through Monday. What do I do? Stand firm on my plans or reschedule or even just replan to be home earlier than I originally thought? Help!

That's your call because we don't know the extent of everything. You could always pull the "I'm going to go "enter activity" with "enter friend" but I will ring you when I get home, okay?"

I think you should keep your plans. I think that was my big mistake with my ex, revolving my life around him. It didn't turn out good. That's something I'll never do again. I'll keep hanging out with my friends and never stop going to the gym, I feel much better when I do. Good luck!

A few comments: when I broke up with my ex, things that she said during made me feel that I was smothering her. But looking back, I know it wasn't true at all. She was feeling smothered by her own confusion ("I don't want to lose you but I don't love you right now"). From this perspective, you shouldn't change your plans for Wednesday, unless there's more background story here. Tell her that you've already got plans, and you'll see if you can meet her.

But if you are, indeed, being too clingy and trying to change then you shouldn't change your plans either because this is something you have to do for yourself to show that you can do things alone even when she's available. And you can gauge your progress by the "how much I miss her" index when you are with your friends.

So either way, I wouldn't change my plans. Unless she says she REALLY wants you to be with her after you say you've got plans already. I mean, she's still your girlfriend, right?

OMG! Do you want a relationship??

See her. How ty would that be to ditch her before she leaves. She is getting home early, just to see you! And you are trying to play the cool guy...

If you were hindering her ability to see her friends, with your cling, then that would be a problem. But she wants to see you... that's a good thing.

I would talk to my g/f, and get the facts about her feelings, before a decision is made. Always be flexible for adjustments, especially if they request your presence.

First, let me say that I really appreciate all of the advice.

Update - So I called and told her that I had made plans with some friends and that I wanted her to be happy and be able to do the things she wants to do without feeling guilty about not being with me. She said she understood and would see me later and went to the mall with a girlfriend and then had dinner. We came home about the same time. I think it worked out and I had a good time. I did send her one message towards the end of the night that just said where I was and I missed her. When she is out with friends I usually get 1 or 2 of those and thought it might be reassuring for her but now I am not sure.

Was that a bad move?
Do you think I can talk to her about what is going on?
Should I wait to talk to her until she gets back from her trip so she has had a week without talking to me about it?

Please keep the insight coming.

Give it a rest, you make them smile, not think all the time. Your actions will do more than your words.