Ask Me Help Desk - I think I cheated.

I have a boyfriend and have been in a relationship with him for about 5 months but before that he was my friend with benefits for about a year. Usually were happy but now all his issues are coming to light.
- He has a baby on the way with another girl who is due anyday
- his baby mama is evil and desperately wants him back
- he doesn't have job
- He never visits when I'm with my family (it's like he hides)
- he's been spending way too much time with his friends
- he is controlling
- he disrespects my profession but can't contribute financially to my life style.
- he's become very secretive
- lives with his parents still ( he's 22)

Because all his issues are coming to light we argue a lot now. But I still love him very much.

On Sunday I met another guy at a club. We had drinks and really hit it off. He's way more handsome then my boyfriend, he's a police officer, he's only 24, no kids, no crazy ex's, he has his own house and 2 cars. He's just so much better then my boyfriend except his personality is a little dull. I wasn't going to call the cop but recently I have just been so mad at my boyfriend and all he's doing is being his normal self. But now I just feel like his normal self SUCKS! Especially because he ditched me to smoke weed with his friends last night and I wasn't invited. So I called the cop last night and I went to his apt. we had drinks and he cuddled me and rubbed my belly all night because I told him I was cramping. I spent the night with him in the same bed. We didn't have sex or kiss but we did cuddle. As we were cuddling I pretended he was my boyfriend and everything just felt right until the morning. I rushed out of his place feeling extremely guilty.

Am I guilty of cheating... should I tell my boyfriend? I honestly feel like I deserved this little bit of intimacy with him. My boyfriend wasn;t there for me last night when I begged him to be. All my gf's say leave my boyfriend for the cop, but they just don't know my boyfriend like I do. He has so much potential to be successful. He's just not applying to the right oppurtunities.

What do I do? How guilty of cheating am I? Do I have to tell my boyfriend? What do I do about the cop? He's texting me as I type this. He wants to take me to lunch today...

There are many levels of cheating and on some level, yes, you cheated. There wasn't sex but you are mentally leaving your boyfriend for another man and would be just as hurt if the roles were reversed.

You sound like you have a lot of choices to make on your own about what you want and I would suggest you make these choices as a SINGLE person. Don't involve other people, i.e. the cop, into your own drama that you need to resolve.

Do not be with either of them, figure yourself out first.

Oh boy... this is what concerns me, the cop is so much better except for his personality. Isn't it personality that matters most? To me it is. It shouldn't matter if he has is own house or how many cars he has. Those are material things. I think you need to take step back and re-evaluate this whole situation. You and your boyfriend need to sit down and talk about things before you even think about a relationship with someone else.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Do not be with either of them, figure yourself out first.

If I leave both of them I'll just be lonely and unhappy. I will want my boyfriend back. I could easily stop talking to the cop if my boyfriend would just be there for me a little bit more and show me he;s going to make something of his life. Should I tell my boyfriend what I did?

You cheated, and you need to tell your boyfriend. You could have had sex with him, and to be honest, I don't think that would have made it any worse. You guys connected emotionally, which is much deeper than a one night stand, oops I slipped and fell into him, type of deal.

Your mode of thinking without someone with you, you would be lonely is your biggest problem. If you can't be happy with yourself, how will you ever be happy with someone else?

Break up with your boyfriend, and focus on yourself! Neither of them deserve to be treated like this, period. Quit looking for happiness within others, and find it within yourself.

YOur boyfriend has too many issues and he needs to get his life in order, I think your be better off without him. Don't stay with someone because your going be lonely and unhappy if your alone, this is called settling. And with all his issues you can do bad by yourself you don't need someone for that.

If you not attracted to the cop personality than leave him alone.

Again, there is nothing wrong with being alone and getting to know you. Being with someone just because isn't good for that other person and especially you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

- He has a baby on the way with another girl who is due anyday
- his baby mama is evil and desperately wants him back
- he doesn't have job
- He never visits when I'm with my family (it's like he hides)
- he's been spending way too much time with his friends
- he is controlling
- he disrespects my profession but can't contribute financially to my life style.
- he's become very secretive
- lives with his parents still ( he's 22)

Another thing... what is it you actually like about your current boyfriend? I cannot see a single reason on this list as to why you are still with him... Compared to him, I would think any guy would look good in your eyes... according to the list

Oh honey. I know that the grass may seem better from the other side, but remember, weeds grow there too. If you can already tell that this guy is dull, that is not a good sign. The only suggestion I have is don't continue on this road. If your keep seeing the cop behing your bf's back 1. you will end up taking it further 2.You will end up hurting someone (either the BF, cop or both) 3. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT, you will end up driving yourself crazy with worry and confusion. Trust me, I've been there. What may be best is to call it off with both of them and find out who YOU are and what YOU want.

I want to be with my boyfriend. We used to be perfect together and I can't seem to let that go. I want him to go back to how he used to be. I don't want to leave him. I would miss him so much. I feel that would be a huge mistake.

But I don't really think things are up to me now. I'm pretty sure he'll leave me if I tell him what I did. I guess I'll just have to deal with consequences.

I'm going to tell him tonight in person.

UPDATE:

I told my boyfriend what happened. At first he was upset and then he wanted to know why. So I told him the truth and I let him know all the things that are bothering me about him. He didn't say much but he did forgive me. Over the weekend I noticed he was a lot nicer to me and called me at night to talk. He also didn't complain about me working this weekend and he took me and my family to dinner. He didn't say he was trying to work on the things that bother me but he did start trying to improve on all the things I said. He also started a new job on mon. with a promising future.

I feel like a very lucky girl, I'm happy I didn't let him go and I have not spoken to the cop.

Thanks everyone for you help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

If I leave both of them I'll just be lonely and unhappy. I will want my bf back. I could easily stop talking to the cop if my bf would just be there for me a little bit more and show me he;s gonna make something of his life. Should I tell my bf what I did?

If you NEED a man to not be lonely and unhappy, then whether you cheated is the LEAST of your concerns.

You have family close by, and I'm assuming you have friends. That should help with the loneliness.

And honey--the only person that can make you happy is YOU. Start today.

Omggg your so lucky.. he got a bit scared that's why he's working on his problems.. he doesn't want to lose you.. awwwwwwwww... too bad I was in your situation but he didn't change so I had to leave him.. UR A VERY LUCKY GRL AND IM TOTALLY JEALOUS.

My boyfriend was the same way with the job situation, but if you say you know he has poteinal then you should stay and try to work it out. I have been with my boyfreind for 3 years now... his baby momma just recently took his child to mexico. So know we have started to fight and have no doubt we will get him. As long as there is one person in the relationship willing to push the other in the right directions any thing can happen... keep positive thoughts and stay behind him 100%...

Well.. first of all dump your current boyfriend.. he's a loser and it seems like you can't even respect him... don't even worry about cheating... try it with the cop and see if you like his personality.. if not.. move on.. find someone else...