About a month ago I met a man and we began dating. He told me from the start he had an 8 year old girl from a previous marriage. The first week was amazing because for some reason his child was at his mother's house all week and we spent every night that week together, dining, going to the movies, talking, basically getting to know each other. After the fourth date, he told me he wanted to be exclusive and would only date me if I agreed to that. After that, he always seems to have his daughter with him (the mother is not very hands on so he has her most of the time). Supposedly he has her 2 weekends a month (fridays, saturdays and sundays) and on tuesdays and thursdays. However, I have noticed he has her every weekend for some reason. Therefore, the only days he has available to go on dates with me are mondays and wednesdays. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I feel scammed. I feel as though he put his best effort the first week and after he made sure I was exclusive with him he showed how it's really going to be. I really like him and I don't want to come across as needy or anything like that but I feel like if we are going to be in an exclusive relationship I need more time with him than that. Help!

Remember this as it is extremely important. HIS FIRST PRIORITY IS TO HIS CHILD!
If it is not his first priority then he is not the man you think he is. I would think that you should be happy he is wanting to spend time with you and is still devoted to his children. You knew up front that he had an 8 year old. Maybe if you really like this guy it is time that you get to know this girl too. Because the bottom line is, if you were to marry this guy you would be getting an instant family too, so make up your mind soon before you hurt a lot of people.

You're dating a Daddy. That's the first thing you need to accept. If you cannot accept that, then he is not for you.

Of course he wanted to see where your relationship would go before he would involve his daughter in it... he's protecting her.

Don't penalize him for being a good Dad.

Sometimes when someone has a child there isn't no time for anything. You have no time to go out, no time to yourself, etc. Your time is schedule around your child and this is what's happening to you.

I know your use to going out to dinner, movies, etc when your felt like it but now that have changed and he can no longer do that.

I think he ask you to be exclusive too eariler and has he introduce you to his daughter? If so, I think it was too eariler to. My fiancé didn't met my daughter until months into our relationship because I wanted to be sure we were going last and I don't introduce my daughter to every one guy I date.

You need to think if this is what you want because if he's has a child there is going be a lot of compromise. Be sure your ready for this before his daughter get use to you and before his feeling deepen for you.

On the flipside, this tells you a lot about his character. He is doing something that most men run away from. So realize the what you have in this man because if you want to stay and make it work, remember where there a will there is a way.

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Originally Posted by liz28

Sometimes when someone has a child there isn't no time for anything. You have no time to go out, no time to yourself, etc. Your time is schedule around your child and this is what's happening to you.

I know your use to going out to dinner, movies, etc when your felt like it but now that have changed and he can no longer do that.

I think he ask you to be exclusive too eariler and has he introduce you to his daughter? If so, I think it was too eariler to. My fiance didn't met my daughter until months into our relationship because I wanted to be sure we was going last and I don't introduce my daughter to every one guy I date.

You need to think if this is what you want because if he's has a child there is going be alot of compromise. Be sure your ready for this before his daughter get use to you and before his feeling deepen for you.

On the flipside, this tells you alot about his character. He is doing something that most men run away from. So realize the what you have in this man because if you want to stay and make it work, remember where there a will there is a way.

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Hi! Thanks for your answer. To answer your question he has not introduced me to his daughter because we both agreed it would be best to wait until we know this is going somewhere and will last. Thanks again.

Until the relationship is more solid, interact with him by phone, chat, email, cute cards via snail mail. Back in my day, I would have killed for all the electronic communication devices available today!

And what's wrong with Mondays and Wednesdays? Be creative when the two of you get together. Go to your public library for ideas on fun and even free/low-cost places to visit that are in your area.

You will never be as important as his daughter, that's the way it should be. You can't expect him to give up time with her to spend it with you, especially because you haven't been together that long.

When the time is right, if the relationship progresses, then he'll introduce you to his daughter and then you two can see each other when she's around. But, his daughter still comes first.

This is the way it is when dating someone with a child.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Until the relationship is more solid, interact with him by phone, chat, email, cute cards via snail mail. Back in my day, I would have killed for all the electronic communication devices available today!

And what's wrong with Mondays and Wednesdays? Be creative when the two of you get together. Go to your public library for ideas on fun and even free/low-cost places to visit that are in your area.

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Thanks for your answer. I would love to interact with him via phone, email etc... the problem is he HATES the phone... don't get me wrong he usually calls me twice a day but the calls are under 2 minutes... sometimes under a minute! I respect that he doesn't like to talk on the phone (and still makes the effort to call) and naturally I never call him... I have emailed him twice, but just to send him some pictures he wanted to see once and today I forwarded an article he had asked about. He is busy during the day... But yes, in other circumstances those options of communication would be great, so I appreciate the suggestions.

I am in a similar situation. It's an adjustment to accept having to be second to his child. My guy is not very good at making me feel good after the child. He's tired and wants to stay home all the time.

I think you should reconsider meeting the child. I love my boyfriend's child. Sometimes I love his child more than him. Lol True! Kids of divorced parents enjoy the time spent with a parent and a BF or GF. Kids are flexible and accepting. I think in the end both the child and you will benefit greatly. I waited a long time to meet my BF's son -- and when I did finally meet him, I regretted waiting so long.

But most of all, how a man is with his children is a great look at this man and how he treats his child. It's not a glimpse into how he treats his GF. That's what I've had to come to terms with. Just because he's a neat Dad doesn't mean he's a great BF. A Dad who's always there for his kids is great. A BF who is never romantic, wants to only eat at home and never makes an effort to "date" leaves a lot to be desired.

Good luck! Life's complicated. Dating makes it even worse!

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Originally Posted by Wondering Woman

I am in a similar situation. It's an adjustment to accept having to be second to his child. My guy is not very good at making me feel good after the child. He's tired and wants to stay home all the time.

I think you should reconsider meeting the child. I love my boyfriend's child. Sometimes I love his child more than him. lol True! Kids of divorced parents enjoy the time spent with a parent and a BF or GF. Kids are flexible and accepting. I think in the end both the child and you will benefit greatly. I waited a long time to meet my BF's son -- and when I did finally meet him, I regretted waiting so long.

But most of all, how a man is with his children is a great look at this man and how he treats his child. It's not a glimpse into how he treats his GF. That's what I've had to come to terms with. Just because he's a neat Dad doesn't mean he's a great BF. A Dad who's always there for his kids is great. A BF who is never romantic, wants to only eat at home and never makes an effort to "date" leaves a lot to be desired.

Good luck! Life's complicated. Dating makes it even worse!

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Love your answer! Finally someone gets it! We have been dating for a month... how long do you think it should be before I meet his daughter? I am thinking that maybe it is better not to wait too long but I don't want to be the one that suggests it, you know... any ideas? Thanks!!

I waited three months to meet his child, and when I met him, we immediately started doing so many more things together. I also got included in things like his son's Christmas concert and holiday get-togethers. I wish I'd met his son a month after we were dating. Interesting, but his son kept asking me why I didn't spend the night with them. I thought it made a poor example for his child, but his son said it would be more fun if I didn't have to leave. It would be more like a family. Surprised me.

Now when I look back on it, if we hadn't been doing things with his son, we'd hardly have been doing anything at all. Lol My guy's not a dater at all. Sad, but true. I hope you have a better BF than I do. I'm hanging around for now. I'd miss his son if I broke up with him. Lol

We're both dating Dads. It's not the best situation for dating. But it's life and the journey is on!

WW

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Originally Posted by Wondering Woman

I waited three months to meet his child, and when I met him, we immediately started doing so many more things together. I also got included in things like his son's Christmas concert and holiday get-togethers. I wish I'd met his son a month after we were dating. Interesting, but his son kept asking me why I didn't spend the night with them. I thought it made a poor example for his child, but his son said it would be more fun if I didn't have to leave. It would be more like a family. Surprised me.

Now when I look back on it, if we hadn't been doing things with his son, we'd hardly have been doing anything at all. lol My guy's not a dater at all. Sad, but true. I hope you have a better BF than I do. I'm hanging around for now. I'd miss his son if I broke up with him. lol

We're both dating Dads. It's not the best situation for dating. But it's life and the journey is on!

WW

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So, it's been a month, maybe I should meet her now? I just don't want to be the one that brings it up... I suppose I will wait until he says it's right... until then boring weekends for me, THIS SUCKS! Lol

I'd tell him you think you're ready to have a friendship with his daughter and would love to meet her. Then remember the basic rule: Be a friend. She already has a Mom and Dad. Being a friend is a fun role to play. Much easier than step-mom so just enjoy. And have fun with his daughter. Maybe you'll be like me and like him more because of his child. Good luck.

Well, when I started dating my wife she was a single mother of an 11 year old.

Her child was her priority. Her love. Her duty and her responsibility.

If you don't have it in you to share the time or have less time than you want... that's OK. Its not "wrong" to want more time... but you don't get to stay and punish him for being the man he needs to be.

And I don't think you are trying to punish him... I think you are in a tough situation. I'm the guy who dated the woman with the teen who hated me. Used to cover up all my pictures. Wrote magnetic hate poetry on the fridge ("not my father, must die")...

Well, a dozen years on now... having just seen my daughter married, I can tell you that the respect I gave to my wife and her daughters relationship was appropriate and needed.

It might be "easier" short term to date a man who neglects his responsibilities to his child, but for the long run... id take his efforts as pointing to the good in him, the morally directed.

Now... that doesn't mean he's is right for you... but were he to write in here about this conflict, most of us would tell him to keep his connection to his child solid... all the rest either fits into place, or is wrong for him.

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Originally Posted by kp2171

well, when i started dating my wife she was a single mother of an 11 year old.

her child was her priority. her love. her duty and her responsibility.

if you dont have it in you to share the time or have less time than you want... thats ok. its not "wrong" to want more time... but you dont get to stay and punish him for being the man he needs to be.

and i dont think you are trying to punish him... i think you are in a tough situation. im the guy who dated the woman with the teen who hated me. used to cover up all my pictures. wrote magnetic hate poetry on the fridge ("not my father, must die")...

well, a dozen years on now... having just seen my daughter married, i can tell you that the respect i gave to my wife and her daughters relationship was appropriate and needed.

it might be "easier" short term to date a man who neglects his responsibilities to his child, but for the long run... id take his efforts as pointing to the good in him, the morally directed.

now... that doesnt mean hes is right for you... but were he to write in here about this conflict, most of us would tell him to keep his connection to his child solid... all the rest either fits into place, or is wrong for him.

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Thanks. In the last couple of days I have come to accept the limited number of days he has to date and I think he is worth it.

Just read a great story about Kurt Warner, the football star, when he met his future wife. Wish I still had it to post, It makes you understand what true LOVE really is all about.

OK here is a link to the story
http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/k/kurtwarner.htm

Now, that is true LOVE!!

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Originally Posted by 450donn

Just read a great story about Kurt Warner, the football star, when he met his future wife. Wish I still had it to post, It makes you understand what true LOVE really is all about.

OK here is a link to the story
The love story of Kurt Warner and his wife Brenda-Truth! and Fiction!

Now, that is true LOVE!!!!

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Thanks for the story. Beautiful.