It's happening again. While back I dated one of the best manipulators and it took five years for me to get concrete proof that I was simply an object for his female collection. Even at the beginning, I FELT something was wrong, but did I listen? Ooohhhhh noooooo- I can get to the bottom of this because I'm different... blah blah blah

So why am I falling in the trap again now with someone else who is almost as good at playing people? Mosly women. I must be insane to expect a different result. I've tried to part ways with him twice and twice he has re-set the hooks. I got to get out. But I like him?

Did you have sex with the past manipulators, are you having sex with the current one?

What makes them manipulators?

We tend to lean towards the situation that feels familiar. Why is being with male manipulators familiar, and therefore comfortable for you.

What is scary about telling him no, no way, don't call me again? I'm not saying it isn't hard! Are the hooks he used painful, or did they land in scar tissue?

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Originally Posted by nike 1

Did you have sex with the past manipulators, are you having sex with the current one?

What makes them manipulators?

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Yes, to sex as the prior relationship lasted 4 years. I know, I know, what a dope I am. Perhaps I'm the nut job.

They manipulate anyone they can by playing games that cause certain reactions ( emotionally and pysiologically ) to... hell, I don't know- I guess to have control. For example, I took his car with one of his friends in order to get my motorcycle ( he had hidden my car keys ). He's a car dealer and has 1 tag for several vehicles and was not on the one I took. He calls a friend after I was out of the car and has him call the guy driving the car to tell him to park and someone will pick him up because no tag on the car. He wanted me to feel badly. He has a secret phone which he has used to text me posing as a woman talking to him. He was careless and answered a blocked call from me wiithout knowing I was there. I heard him. He continues to deny.

The guy sounds like a joke. I would hold out from having sex with these guys you are meeting until you get to know their character better. As far as the current one, dump that jerk. He has some serious esteem issues.

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Originally Posted by simoneaugie

We tend to lean towards the situation that feels familiar. Why is being with male manipulators familiar, and therefore comfortable for you.

What is scary about telling him no, no way, don't call me again? I'm not saying it isn't hard! Are the hooks he used painful, or did they land in scar tissue?

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I don't think being comfortable is the issue because it's anything but that. Sometimes I wonder if it's the challenge. I don't like guys that become all 'ga-ga' and 'oh, I love you, I love you' and here, stand on your pedistal.

I did tell him no but his continual pursuit weakens me and then I say, OK, I'll do this, but I'll have other relationships also. The hooks are not painful- just effective.

In my opinion, I think you feel that these guys you date are in high demand by other women. So, when you date them you feel like you have roped in some kind of wild stallion which in turn makes other women jealous of you, providing a major ego boost for you. But in the end, they just turn out to be douchebags. To women, guys like these are mysterious and exciting. You need to recalibrate your douchebag detector. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this guy sounds like a douche. Excuse my overuse of the word douche, but that's what this guy sounds like.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

You go girl, stay confident, and stay away from the immature momma's boys!

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Originally Posted by nike 1

The guy sounds like a joke. I would hold out from having sex with these guys you are meeting until you get to know their character better. As far as the current one, dump that jerk. He has some serious esteem issues.

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No doubt. I wonder if my esteem issues are on even a higher level. Do I want them because I can't have them? He even manipulates my friends (and his) by getting them to tell me things I want to hear. I am a complete idiot.

You have a higher esteem because you don't have to play their games. Those guys are more worried about keeping a girl than you are of getting other guys. Their behaviour is so pathetic! Your better than that. Like I said, hold the greatest part of yourself out for a guy that deserves it.

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Originally Posted by itried

In my opinion, I think you feel that these guys you date are in high demand by other women. So, when you date them you feel like you have roped in some kind of wild stallion which in turn makes other women jealous of you, providing a major ego boost for you. But in the end, they just turn out to be douchebags. To women, guys like these are mysterious and exciting. You need to recalibrate your douchebag detector. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this guy sounds like a douche. Excuse my overuse of the word douche, but that's what this guy sounds like.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

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He's a total vinegar head. Mysterious and exciting, yes. And I love that. About the other women? Naturally I think ' oh, yeah, he's never met anyone like me, and he'll like me enough to stop the nonsense and grow the f up. ( talk about arrested development) I don't think it has to do with my ego but maybe it does. I'll explore that.

It might have to do with the $ a bit also. I'm not a mortar whore but it would be cool to experience that lifestyle. I know, I'm pathetic.

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Originally Posted by dullath

he's a total vinegar head. Mysterious and exciting, yes. And I love that. About the other women? Naturally I think ' oh, yeah, he's never met anyone like me, and he'll like me enough to stop the nonsense and grow the f up. ( talk about arrested development) I don't think it has to do with my ego but maybe it does. I'll explore that.

It might have to do with the $ a bit also. I'm not a mortar whore but it would be cool to experience that lifestyle. I know, I'm pathetic.

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I don't know what to say. You guys sound perfect for each other. How old are you guys?

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Originally Posted by nike 1

You have a higher esteem because you don't have to play their games. Those guys are more worried about keeping a girl than you are of getting other guys. Their behaviour is so pathetic! Your better than that. Like I said, hold the greatest part of yourself out for a guy that deserves it.

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I worry that the greatest part of me is buried deep within my walls that are as thick as Great wall is long.

I know, they're losers. What does that make me? Dang.

It makes you human. People tend to believe what's on the surface until they really get to know someone for who they really are. So many relationships fail over time because some people are not who they play to be in the beginning. But the true person always comes out sooner or later.

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Originally Posted by itried

I don't know what to say. You guys sound perfect for each other. How old are you guys?

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Oh God!! Why would you say that? Ouch. I'm 43. He's me plus two.

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Originally Posted by dullath

Oh God !!! Why would you say that? Ouch. I'm 43. He's me plus two.

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I was being harsh. I know. So I apologize. It just seems that you get involved with these types of guys knowing full well of the consequences. Kind of self-destructive. Again, I'm sorry.

Hey dullath, think you could help me out with one of my questions? It's in the relationships section, "need womens advice for apologizing to girlfriend". Would love your input. Thanks

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Originally Posted by itried

I was being harsh. I know. So I apologize. It just seems that you get involved with these types of guys knowing full well of the consequences. Kind of self-destructive. Again, I'm sorry.

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No worries. Well that's my bloody question, isn't it? Duh. Self destructive... Why would I be self destructive. These guys do make my heart go pitter-patter. I can't do that on my own.

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Originally Posted by dullath

These guys do make my heart go pitter-patter. I can't do that on my own.

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That's the crux of your problem. You need to be able to look in the mirror and set your own heart racing instead of relying on someone else to do it for you. Once you have this type of self confidence the right type of men will start to pay more attention to you.

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Originally Posted by itried

That's the crux of your problem. You need to be able to look in the mirror and set your own heart racing instead of relying on someone else to do it for you. Once you have this type of self confidence the right type of men will start to pay more attention to you.

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I know you're right. I think I like myself. God, how does one acquire more confidance.