Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend cheating with other girls, over a long period.

Hey there guys and girls. Just registered on this forum, I really need some advice on this subject I have here.

My girlfriend and I are fairly young (16), and have been in a strong relationship now over approximately 9 months. Everything has been going well, until a drunken night came along and she decides to tell me a little bit of strange information. This night she told me that she had sexually interacted with her friend(s). Now, I left this for a little while because I really wasn't sure what to think - so I ignored it.

Lately however this has been on her mind, as her friend stayed over her house last night. I was thinking about it today also. I get home and she seems very paranoid that she is going to lose me, she keeps telling me she loves me and that how she just wants to keep telling me. I ask her if everything is OK, as this isn't what she is normally like (only on occasions). She replies "No". I then immediately come back to thinking what I was earlier on in this day, and perhaps that this may still be going on.

I confront her on MSN and ask her straight up if anything has been happening - "No". She replies again, she keeps asking me if I trust her and love her etc. I keep telling her I do and that she has nothing to worry about. Turns out, I ask the question again, 5-10 minutes later. She replies "Yes" this time.

Turns out I say to her, she obviously cannot continue unless she is absolutely sure of her sexual orientation, may it be bisexual, lesbian, or straight. I say to her right there and then, about how I feel - about feeling betrayed, how she has kept it behind my back. She tells me at this point that it has only happened once with two different girls.

She then signs out of MSN and roughly an hour later she turns up at my house with her friends Mum, and my girlfriends Mum. My parents have a chat with her parents, and apparently it was just 'practicing' and 'all kids do it', which I know isn't the truth.

My girlfriend then wants to see me about it, I just say to her - straight up tell me the truth. I want to know so I can put it behind us, I don't want to be finding out, months, years down the line as it would have been a complete waste of my time. I knew she wasn't telling the truth, I then just say to her. "Look, if you can't be honest with me I haven't got time for you, be straight up about it we can get it out the way". I then walk out the room and she walks back outside to her Mums car.

I then go outside again because I really didn't know what to do, I went out the front of my house and had a cigarette, midway through her Mum stops the car outside and I say "What's going on then? Are we not getting to the bottom of this". She gets out the car (my girlfriend) and is crying, saying "What do you want to know, I don't know what you want from me". Anyway, after some discussion about how telling the truth is the best thing to do it appears she is more scared of telling me the real truth because she is afraid that she will lose me. I just wanted to know the truth so I could move on. She then says, maybe 3 or 4 times with one girl and once with another. This then goes on, I still didn't think she was telling the truth - I felt she was jumping to conclusions to get out of it and just move on straight away.

I tell her again, that by telling the truth is the only way forward for us both. She then says that she had kissed two girls at a party when she was younger and that it was now 5 or 6 times with this other girl.

Now tell me, how can I believe what's been said here? When 5-10 minutes prior to this it was only 3 or 4. She never really came up with the full details about why it happened etc. But it all still seems very sketchy. We left it as we both need some time to think about things and perhaps talk about things another day as it was getting late.

Where do I go from here?

16 and already drinking, RED FLAG.
She is unsure of her sexual orientation, RED FLAG.
RUN as fast as you can away from this situation. Underage drinking can not lead to anything positive and throw in her sexual activity and I would not even consider a relationship with her.
Sorry.

She is still trying to assure me that her sexual orientation is men! I know this for a fact. But why mess about with other woman, like you said this eventually leads back to that she can't be sure. Yet she has stressed to me that 'it will never happen again'.

Perhaps she was experimenting you know clowning around not unusual for teenagers to do.
Or perhaps she maybe lied to make herselfe look much more sexual informed than she really is - or to impress you - don't guys like the thought of 2 girls ?
Just a thought x

Leave it alone as you don't have the knowledge or maturity to handle a bi-sexual female, or have any understanding of her feelings, at all.

Your in way over your head, and this quest for the truth is not only futile, but insensitive.

Leave her alone to work out her own issues, as you have no clue about them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mum2five

Perhaps she was experimenting you know clowning around not unusual for teenagers to do.
Or perhaps she maybe lied to make herselfe look much more sexual informed than she really is - or to impress you - don;t guys like the thought of 2 girls ?
Just a thought x

Perhaps she was experimenting but hiding it behind my back isn't really cool, even worse not being able to tell me the truth when it comes down to it. She hasn't lied about it, I know what she's said has been done, has been done I just am not sure about the details. I don't like the thought of two girls, especially when I'm told everyday that she loves me and she also realises how important this relationship is to the both of us after all we have been through in the past also.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Leave it alone as you don't have the knowledge or maturity to handle a bi-sexual female, or have any understanding of her feelings, at all.

Your in way over your head, and this quest for the truth is not only futile, but insensitive.

Leave her alone to work out her own issues, as you have no clue about them.

Well perhaps telling her boyfriend as well as a best friend, about her issues is a good place to start? I know that she thinks I am the only person (or so I'm told) that she only really wants to spend her time with. I understand if she has issues and will support her, she knows this, I've told her a lot. I think it's been more of a fling, girls just tempted to do silly things because they enjoy it together perhaps. But how am I meant to feel after 9 months of this possibly going on and STILL not knowing?

I do see that the quest for the truth is futile, and we probably won't get anywhere as I won't know at what point she is ACTUALLY being truthful. So what do you recommend I do, just leave her be and not talk to her? I know she still wants to be with me as she was very upset earlier on and kept telling me how she just wants it to work. But she can't have the 'best of both worlds', surely?

At the end of the day what has happened has happened you either deal with it get over it and move on or you can not deal with it and will bring it up and throw it in her face every argument you now have - the choice is yours. Only you know .