Ask Me Help Desk - I have a problem with lying

I admit I have a problem with lying. I feel the need to lie my way out of a situation because I can not handle the pressure. My dad says that I am a pathological liar, meaning I lie to make myself feel better about myself. Somewhat of this is true, I lie to make myself think I have done something good in order to boost myself of esteem. I have a girlfriend of 3 months, and I'm afraid if I do not take action this good bring the worse in our relationship. Could you please give me some advice on how to handle the situation? Thanks for taking the time to read this. :(

P.S. - I'm fairly new to this site so if you had any info for newbs, that would be great.

OK there's a very easy solution to this problem

TELL THE TRUTH!!!

On the surface it seems simple but there are many complex issues going on within your subconscious mind. There is part of your inner self that perceives you to be something other than who you are. Therefore you have a tendency to automatically create that person with a complete fabrication instead of recognizing your inner perception and trying hard to become that person. Tell me if I'm wrong but I think it goes something like this: A girl asks you if you are into sports and you say "oh yeah! Big time!! I even have some trophies". Or you make up some other story that projects your inner image. (fact: she may be asking because she doesn't like sport jocks) Think about that! I see the solution as you first taking a good look at yourself and then accepting who and what you are. After that you can try to decipher what you want to be and who you want to become. Not through fabrication but by becoming the real person. Be sure to set realistic goals for yourself that are within your physical and emotional capablities. I think you have taken the first positive step by writing in and recognizing your problem. I know you can do it!

I had a friend for years that rather tell a lie than be honest. He always defended the lies with more lies. It was like he wanted me to think he was someone he wasn't an like the other person told you about the sports item. You could mention anything and he knew about it not a lot but knew enough to hold a conversation on the subject. But when someone started asking questions he would avoid the question or change the subject to something he knew more about. It seemed like he wanted everyone to think he was something he wasn't. He sayed on the defence all the time and remember most of the things he said so it was really hard to prove him wrong and he would never admit he had lied or was wrong. Not looking someone in the eye was his greatest fault. I knew when he started talking and looked away he was not going to be telling the truth. I don't recall him every telling me an ourright lie while looking into my eyes. If you insist on lying to someone make sure it's a stranger. Because like your parents friends also know when your lying. I always heard since I was a child the truth never hurt anyone (not sure if that is correct) so if you can't tell the truth at least make it sound like you are and trying looking someone in the eye next time you start telling a lie! From what I understand it makes it harder to lie that way... To me its more like your pretending to be someone you aren't. If you want to be someone or something then go out an work for it and avoid lying for a few days and see if you feel worse or better about yourself as you are. Just wanted to add my thoughts on the subject of Lying.

Hi,
I think it's great that you and your Dad have talked about this.
I suggest he take you to a professional, who can help you.
You and your girlfriend are just the beginning; you are going to have problems with everyone else, unless you can get some professional help.
Things like this possibly can be solved without help, but then again, it might not.
Please don't put it off.
Best wishes,
fredg

I have a niece that lies a lot too. And it hurts me when I am open minded to her and she still lies. Some say that we are at fault because sometimes we know that she is lying and we don't set her straight at that moment.
Just know that the people who truly love and care about you.
Your not fooling them with your lies . You are hurting them.
The day will come that you will be a honest person. Eveybody has honesting hidden in their soul. And what a shame it will be .
Because of your lies no one will believe you when you are telling the truth.
Work on not saying a lie for 30 minutes then a hour then a day.
Then one day you will see that the honesty in your soul is who you really are.
And you will find it hard to tell another lie.

Well, I'm not sure what to say, but maybe if you knew how the people your lying to feel, my brothers girlfriend has the same issue. She always lies, even if it's about something small like what she had for lunch, my family and I get really tired of trying to find the hidden meaning within all these lies. I'd say, lying is a habit, like biting your finger nails, or twirling your hair, everybody has these, but some are more severe then others, like yours, I'd say you need to get psycological help, have you considered going to a shrink, even a school counciler may help, at first it may be embarrassing going to a school teacher for help, but after you feel more self secure, your lying should start to mellow down, I found that my brothers girlfriend is has a really low self esteem, so take some risks, have 'you' time, and do everything that You want to do, for yourself. Good luck and I hope you all th best.
<3 little miss vixen

I have a son who for the past six years has continuously lied to the point where I believe it is pathological. Through his incestant lying, he has hurt all of those closest to them, and has lost every opportunity he ever had. He lost opportunities for free college, a good Military career, and excellent civilian jobs. His longtime girlfriend recently left him after she could no longer take it. He has been kicked out of several homes he has lived in and lost all credability with everyone he has come into contact with. His future does not look good. For those of you who believe this is acceptable behaviour, you are sorely mistaken. All you do is cause unnecessary pain to yourself and those who (Once upon a time) may have cared about you. Do yourself a favor and get help, especially if you believe you do not have a problem. My son has destroyed any hope my wife and I ever had of him becoming a good honest individual we could love, and support as he goes though life. Don't let this happen to you. I am a seriously sad father. :( :( :(

Hello!

I know somebody that feels they need to lie. The reason I believe is that this person was always abused, emotionally and physically, one parent household. They were taught that the best thing to do when an issue comes up is ignore it. Avoid it and the only way to avoid confrontation is by lying. There must have been something in your upbringing that caused you to have low self esteem and now is the time to start being honest and explain how you feel to your loved ones and explain to them that you do have the habit of lying to avoid pressure or to face the truth of certain situations and that you do not want to do it anymore and you want help with it. Be open. Honesty will soon become natural.

Joe

Quote:

Originally Posted by xdr1016

I admit I have a problem with lying. I feel the need to lie my way out of a situation becuase I can not handle the pressure. My dad says that I am a pathological liar, meaning I lie to make myself feel better about myself. Somewhat of this is true, I lie to make myself think I have done something good in order to boost myself of esteem. I have a girlfriend of 3 months, and I'm afraid if I do not take action this good bring the worse in our relationship. Could you please give me some advice on how to handle the situation? Thanks for taking the time to read this. :(

P.S. - I'm fairly new to this site so if you had any info for newbs, that would be great. *

Welcome to the forum dear. You got some good advice from all of the previous posts and even some examples, so you know that you are not alone..
I might be wrong, but did you tell your first lie to prevent repercussion from one of your parents or another authority figure? Do you remember your first lie? Sometimes children start telling lies to get attention they thought they were not getting, whether it's positive or negative attention, so you might also have siblings that you feel had more attention than you got. Anything is possible, and since I don't know you or your background, it's hard to pinpoint your initial motives. But once you got the hang of it, and it became easier, it apparently was a way for you to escape. Now that you are a little older and wiser, you have realized this, but without professional assistance it will be a very difficult quagmire to get out of. You did however, take the first step which you can be proud of. You really need help in looking at the positive sides of your capabilities, and understand that nobody is 100 percent perfect. We all have our faults and when we 'fess' up to them, it will make the further steps you need a lot easier to take. Find something you can excel in and target on that to gain self-confidence in yourself, as you have felt inferior long enough. I wish you all the best in your goals in life and the steps you plan on changing your life-style as it will take a while, but I'm sure you'll get there.
Join a group and support each other, and/or use your 'fabrication expertise' to write a book or a new comic if you are a fan of literature. It's sometimes better to put your talents in this area to good use and not as a self-destructive tool. Think about it, maybe that's your calling, to put it to paper and make a lot of money doing so as many other authors. But again, you will need help in differentiating reality from fantasy. All the best to you, and keep us posted. I read somewhere a long time ago that neglected and/or abused children make some of our best authors, comedians, and actors, so there is hope, just vent it in the right place. As far as your girlfriend, if you feel the need to lie, try and warn her jokingly of this, and then tell her the truth, i.e.. "oh yeah, got lots of trophies, if you believe that, I've got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell, ha ha"... Get my meaning? Instead of getting angry, she might enjoy a joke or two.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by theotheo

I have a son who for the past six years has continuously lied to the point where I believe it is pathological. Through his incestant lying, he has hurt all of those closest to them, and has lost every opportunity he ever had. He lost opportunities for free college, a good Military career, and excellent civilian jobs. His longtime girlfriend recently left him after she could no longer take it. He has been kicked out of several homes he has lived in and lost all credability with everyone he has come into contact with. His future does not look good. For those of you who believe this is acceptable behaviour, you are sorely mistaken. All you do is cause unnecessary pain to yourself and those who (Once upon a time) may have cared about you. Do yourself a favor and get help, especially if you believe you do not have a problem. My son has destroyed any hope my wife and I ever had of him becoming a good honest individual we could love, and support as he goes though life. Don't let this happen to you. I am a seriously sad father. :( :( :(

This really sounds sad, and I hope you will think about it and not expect too much of your child, maybe you expected more than he thought he could deliver and used lies to try to please you more. Your phrase "destroyed any hope my wife and I ever had of him becoming a good honest individual we could love" would hurt anyone trying to please parents - to the point when they give up. Please don't give up on him and tell him you do love him now and then, please!
I never got any positive feedback from my mother all my life, and that hurt more than the beatings my ex-husband used to inflict on me and it took a long process to accept the fact that I am worth something..

I was a liar myself, and now that I think about it - it's true that I lied because I wanted people to see me as someone I wanted to be, and not as who I truly was. I wanted to be cool to everybody, wanted to be accepted and all...

I am now over it, and I believe the biggest thing that helped me deal with it is that I somehow stopped worrying about what people, who do not matter anything to me, think about me. I stopped wanting people to think of me as the coolest guy around. I got a lot of hobbies, I started learning stuff that I wanted to learn, I got very happy with the stuff I learned and was able to do... and I guess I got my self-esteem pretty much boosted. Not that I got cocky, but I'm just sure that I have some qualities that are very good and that I don't have to get other people to confirm those qualities. I'm happy now, I have a lot of activities I like, and I don't have the need to be admired by people. I believe that stopped me from lying.

Oh, another thing. I ruined a relationship with my parents and with one of my ex girls (partly) because of lying. My parents still have a hard time believing me most of things I say to them, and it's been about 3-4 years that I stopped lying to them. It's important to understand that you can only lose something if you lie.

Whenever you find yourself lying to a good friend... stop, take a breath, try to tell them you just lied to them. Tell them it's your issue, if you want to. I guess it's important that you, at least once, cross the line and manage to tell someone that you just lied to them. It might work miracles for you.