Hi All - I'm new to this so please be gentle. To cut a long story short, when I found out I was pregnant, my ex ran - he then put me and my son through a DNA test - his son!! And he has since apologised. The problem is I love him, always have, always will - we initially split up when he lost his job, so he went back to his hometown 300 miles away, I got him another job, so he came back to me from May to October - I fell pregnant in September - told him, he ran off back home. It's become apparent that his mother did not like me, so therefore he didn't tell anyone where he was staying - so I've been a big secret. Obviously once the DNA results came in, everyone then knew and he came to see his son (and brought his mum) which went OK. Then last weekend it was my son's christening, he came to that, and I realised just how much I really do love him and want him back. HELP!!

You have a child. Do you want him to grow up without knowing his father? At the very least, try to make him a father in your child's life. If you want more than that, then you have different concerns.

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Originally Posted by NItEMArE129

You have a child. Do you want him to grow up without knowing his father? At the very least, try to make him a father in your child's life. If you want more than that, then you have different concerns.

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That's the main thing I want for him to be - and he tells me that's what he wants, he just has a very funny way of showing it - well up until he came up for the christening. His brother is also godfather so I know the family recognise our son.

I would just like for us to be a proper family if that makes sense, just not sure how to go about gradually re-starting that issue without causing undue stress for our son - he's 7mths at the moment.

This man can still be a father to your child even if the two of you are not together.

Being honest with you it does not sound good as this guy sounds very messed up with his actions. You need to keep moving forwards with your life and STOP trying to sort his out.

You may love this person very much but you can not make someone be with you if they do not want to be.

Live your life and move forwards - this guy needs to make his own choice -

I know - but he tells me he want's us back - he's just not doing anything to prove it to us - so we are getting on with our lives. I know his mother has a hold on him, and suspect he is frightened of her for some reason. I know we could be happy - maybe I need to speak to her directly?

You know if a man can't live his life without his mother interferring than I wouldn't want to be that person. It is okay to have a good solid relationship with your mom but they shouldn't have a hold on your life decisions. His mother wasn't there when he shared your bed with you. And if anyone have to keep a relationship a secret from their parent, again I wouldn't want to with that person.

It is obivious that this guy actions doesn't match his words so move past him' like you statednyou was, but don't interfere with the relationship between him and his son because every child needs a father figure in their life and it only benefits then in the future. However don't let him get over. Spending time with his child is good but it takes money to support/raise a child too. So if he nots providing finical support than it might be good to get a court order for child support.

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Originally Posted by galaxy2135

I know - but he tells me he want's us back - he's just not doing anything to prove it to us - so we are getting on with our lives. I know his mother has a hold on him, and suspect he is frightened of her for some reason. I know we could be happy - maybe I need to speak to her directly?

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What exactly do you plan on talking to the mother about? She isn't the problem, he is. He should have a mind of his own. I mean isn't he a n adult? An adult that now has a child. Talking to her might only create more problems, not only with her but the son. Alos, dating a moma's boy only creates problems in a relationship too. Think before you do things because for every action there is a reaction.

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maybe I need to speak to her directly?

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No you need to speak to him direct, lay your cards on the table and tell him where things stand - then let him make his choice -

Unless he does what he says, don't waste your time. As Liz said, make sure his actions match his words.

You owe it to yourself and your child to protect him from BS, daddy or not.