How can I do no contact in this situation?
It was a 6 year relationship. She ended it one month ago. We still have bills together, obligations, a trip paid for coming up in may and three dogs we share responsibility for. I never contact her first, but she sends texts every day. I still see her a few times a week in short bursts (to pick up the dogs or pay something off, or pick up packages I had coming to her house, maybe get a drink once or twice or lunch).
She's a very sensitive person and when I tried to do NC at all she responded very hurt and I felt horrible. It didn't change her mind because she's afraid to face anything and its impossible to not every respond to her. She of course says "please just be my friend, i need it right now" and other similar things. She won't take me back (yet, if ever) but can't handle no contact at all.
I feel too bad for her to not respond. What do I do?
It's been exactly one month since the 6 year relationship ended.
*2 threads merged *
We were together for 6 years, never spent a day apart during this time until she broke it off during the holidays. The first month was a blur and every day still pretty much is. I can't even comprehend when I did what and with who at this point.
She broke up with me, then said lets take it slow and consider it "dating." Obviously that didn't work in the state I was in and then it quickly degraded into being "friends." In the beginning I couldn't stop crying around her and she just said it made her feel too guilty. Sometimes she'd cry too saying something like "i always saw you in my future, you were always there... then one day i couldn't see you there anymore." I never called her first, never texted her first (and I still dont) but she knows I'm leaving for about a month out of town and wants to see me before I leave.
I had dinner at her house last night because I had some promises to her mother (which is a great woman I couldn't let down) to fix some things I had started to before the breakup. She broke down and cried and told me she loved me and didn't want me to go and didn't know what she'd do without me those few weeks. I didn't give in but told her I love her too (in more of a love-you-as-a-friend tone). She hugged me and I left.
Before I got home she sent a text "it was really good to see you and im very glad you came over. Want to go jogging tomorrow?" As much as I've tried not to keep in contact with her (well at least very LOW contact), I agreed. I felt a little power in the fact that she knew I was leaving for awhile and cried knowing she'd miss me so much.
Then like an idiot I answered a phone call from her later when I wasn't in the best of moods. She said "you seem like you're not here, out of it or angry" I told her I was just very stressed with work and that's all (which really was 50% of it).
Her and her mom invited me to dinner again tonight (I really miss her moms cooking!) and even though its probably a mistake, I'm sure I'll go. Since I'll be gone for awhile I feel that those 3-5 weeks would be the start of the little-to-no contact (and I definitely won't be able to see her).
I felt OK with the situation for a couple days but after the phone call last night, I felt a bit worse (still not as bad as the first month).
The hardest part of this all is she is so damn understanding of it all. She allows me to make my mistakes knowing the stress I'm under because of this. And I won't lie: I was 75% of the cause of the breakup. I became so stressed out from the situation I was living in (work, bills, no life, etc) that I took her for granted and mistreated her.
It's hard to blame someone when you know you're more at fault then she was (not that she didn't have her faults too!). She stopped seeing me in her future because I had done some things to her (didn't show up to her birthday dinner, walked out during every argument, put her down etc).
I was just so stressed about my life I couldn't of handled a girlfriend anyway. She was very much in love with me in the beginning but the things I did, the mistreating, lead her to have to end it. I can't really blame her.
Now that I've started to work on myself, all the other stresses are easing and I'm feeling more like myself. What sucks is that if I could have done this before, I never would have mistreated her. I try not to dwell on what-ifs though.
She tells me things like "don't lose hope" and "every day i stop myself from taking you back" and "im mostly doing this to work on myself and let you work on yourself too"
The hardest part is not being friends with her... it's almost like I owe it to her for all the crap I put her through. Now that my head is cleared and I've started to take control of my own life, I am becoming exactly what she wanted me to be... and that realization just basically sucks since this has happened.
Anyway, sorry for the long post. Maybe I just needed to get that out there.
