I have been on and off with my girlfriend for 16 months. We have broken up and gotten back together a lot. I always want to spend time with her, always. I do like my friend time but id rather spend most of it with her.

She doesn't like it that way, she would rather be with her friends more. We see each other maybe 3 evenings a week. And that's streching it. I know she's not cheating on me and I know she truly loves me. Do I figure out how to deal with her and wait and hope one day she wants to be with me more? Or do I leave and even though I love her so much and confused find someone who wants to be with me just as much?

Please help?

I can definitely relate to this problem and it's not a good sign at all... especially with the prior history of breaking up and getting back together. I would be very cautious with continuing to pursue this relationship as I don't think she is nearly as into you as you are her. Sorry, been down this road too and it's crushing.

You may just have fundementally different values and comfort zones as to what a relationship should constitute. After 16 months of dating you deserve to be with someone who wants to spend time on an equal playing field. She probably hates feeling guilty or having to explain her need for space just as much as you hate her distancing. You sound unhappy with the current state of affairs and I don't see it changing anytime soon. Can you be happy continuing to date under the current arrangement?

If you decide you want to continue under the current arrangement, you need to get out and develop your own interests, friends and hobbies and not rely on her so much as your sole source of enjoyment/entertainment. That's too much pressure for anyone to feel and she probably feels suffocated. Is it always you that's the one planning your next get together? Is she always the one that is turning down plans to get together?

Another big question to ask, is she wanting to spend less time with you than she has in the past?

Best of luck.

I can sort of relate to your situation. My EX-boyfriend and I barely ever spent time together, he almost always chose his friends over me. We were off and on breaks, that were his idea. He wasn't cheating on me, and I wasn't cheating on him. I loved him and thought he loved me too. He broke up with me after about 9 months, he said that I wasn't spontaneous, that wasn't my fault if we were never together. But my boyfriend now, we're with each other usually everyday, not all day long, but we see each other pretty much everyday. And we love each other very much, especially because we both experienced being with someone that you couldn't see whenever you wanted. I think you should take a break, to allow her and yourself to think about your relationship. If she doesn't make the effort to change for you, or prove that she treasures your relationship and how much you love her, you need to allow yourself to move on. The most important thing is to not make the first move. Hope this helps

I'm going to assume you're a guy by the way, so if you aren't, I'm sorry. It's just that your name threw me a little lol. By 16 months, one of the people in the relationship should be wanting a little more space. You're past the honeymoon period where you always want to spend time together, so now let her have a life outside of yours (plural). Relax, kick back, and arrange a guys' night out. Whens he's out with her friends, make plans to go out with your friends. That's the best way to keep yourself occupied.

Have you considered that maybe you're more into her then she is to you?

What were the break up, to make up stuff about?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

What were the break up, to make up stuff about?

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Awesome quotes! Very on-point.