Ask Me Help Desk - Why Is My Son Turned Evil

Sorry for the title but at this time it seems my 5 year old son has turned from an angel into the devil!
Cameron's anger has become at times unbearable he lashes out at his two older sisters kicking then in the private area and hitting them and screaming at them. When I scold him he head buts walls - doors etc.
The teacher he has at school has stopped me a few times to comment on how naughty he is in class i.e. - not listening and not doing as asked.
He was in big trouble this week at school for strangeling another boy who had to be sent home with bruising around his throat.
I have now been asked to go into school next Thursday to discuss what to do.
The head teacher is advising someone come in to monitor him in the classroom!
This sounds a little extreme to me and I do become very offensive in regards to my children but what mother would not.
I separate from Cameron's and the two girls dad over 2 years ago after a sever domestic violence marriage , although they never witnessed any physical contact of course this was always apparent.I was always depressed etc.
I now have a new partner who Cameron idolises and who has built up a fantastic relationship with.We also have a baby who Cameron smoothers with affection - no signs of jelousy whatsoever.
He sees his real dad weekly even if just for a few hours I am at my wits end
Any advice?

Quote:

Originally Posted by mum2five

Sorry for the title but at this time it seems my 5 year old son has turned from an angel into the devil!
Cameron's anger has become at times unbearable he lashes out at his two older sisters kicking then in the private area and hitting them and screaming at them. When I scold him he head buts walls - doors etc.
The teacher he has at school has stopped me a few times to comment on how naughty he is in class ie - not listening and not doing as asked.
He was in big trouble this week at school for strangeling another boy who had to be sent home with bruising around his throat.
I have now been asked to go into school next Thursday to discuss what to do.
The head teacher is advising someone come in to monitor him in the classroom!
This sounds a little extreme to me and I do become very offensive in regards to my children but what mother would not.
I seperate from Cameron's and the two girls dad over 2 years ago after a sever domestic violence marriage , although they never witnessed any physical contact of course this was always apparant.I was always depressed etc.
I now have a new partner who Cameron idolises and who has built up a fantastic relationship with.We also have a baby who Cameron smoothers with affection - no signs of jelousy whatsoever.
He sees his real dad weekly even if just for a few hours I am at my wits end
Any advice?

I think you need professional help. Attempting to strangle somebody is certainly not a matter of misbehaving.

As far as defending this behavior - I don't see it to be extreme to ask for a monitor if he attempted to strangle somebody. Next time there may not be an adult around to break up the confrontation.

Frankly, I'm surprised he's still allowed in the school. In my area (where everyone is lawsuit crazy) you and the School District would probably have already been put on notice by an Attorney.

I assume a Physician has examined him and determined the behavior is not caused by a physical problem. Then your next step is counselling, possibly for all of you.

You have to find out what's going on here, particularly if it's a total change in behavior.

After I left the children's father all three children received counseling and all were assessed . It was me who pressed for more help but was told my kids showed no signs of what happened to have anyway traumatised them.
Cameron can 90% of the time be an adorable cuddly polite little boy who has always been very popular and outgoing. The times when he does loose his temper are usually over frustration when he can not do something or the usual tired etc.
His teacher from his former year at school is just as shocked as she never had any trouble with him and if anything he was her pet in the class room.
There is another child involved but I do not want to blame another child for his behavior as it is not in his nature to be naughty in this way and he def knows better.

Can I just state that the strangling incident occurred while the two friends were play fighting in the play ground - he did not just go towards a child and strangle him. I have spoken to the other child's mum who is a child protection officer and she even said it's just boys but it shocked me - I DO NOT want people thinking my children are allowed to behave this way.

Kids realize even if they do not see.
He most likely has anger issues.
Also watch what you feed him
Start writing everything down like a timed journal of good days bad days, what he ate, times he started acting up and then you can look for trigger patterns.

Also be consistent and make the punishment fit the crime. Don't keep trying different methods like this hasn't worked and I have been doing it for a month now because it will confuse him more. He needs to see consistency from you to learn to be consistent.
When you say NO don't change it or bargain with him.

If he has food allergies here are two good books

The Crazymakers by Carol Simontachhi
And Brain Allergies by Dr Philpott

Also some are linking lack of Omega fatty acid in kids to behavior and thinking

http://kidsaboutyou.blogspot.com/200...ids-brain.html

When you said this in your original post:

Cameron's anger has become at times unbearable he lashes out at his two older sisters kicking then in the private area and hitting them and screaming at them. When I scold him he head buts walls - doors etc.

I think that strangulating another child to the point of bruising, needing a monitor in the classroom, and a meeting to discuss his behaviour with you, pretty obviously means this child has problems, and his anger is aggressive both inside and outside the home.

He is physically assaulting his sisters, other children, and has self-inflicted injuries to himself with banging his head against a wall.

This is not 'boys being boys' behaviour. It is not an age-approprate response to an argument with a sibling, or a disagreement in the schoolyard. There is likely more going on at school than you realize.

Did this behaviour become worse after his visits to his father?

I agree with JudyKayTee that there is something serious going on here. It isn't easy facing teachers and administrators and having your child singled out, but nipping it in the bud early with whatever needs to be done will make everybody's life easier.

I do hope you let us know how you made out. Best of luck.

Mum2five:
Sorry to hear of your child's difficulties. I imagine this must be a scary time for you.

I have to agree with the other moms who have posted. You should take your child to your pediatrician, talk to him/her about the problems (don't sugar-coat it... they can't help if you minimize the severity of the problem) and have your son in for counseling again.

I know you said you've already had counseling for them BUT he wasn't exhibiting this behavior then.. somehow, something has changed.

I too am very defensive of my children.. my oldest started acting out violently at school (never at home) around 2nd grade. So, if you will permit me, I want to share a little advice based on my mistakes:

Before you meet w/ the school, take a deep breath, tell yourself you are going to listen to everything they have to say, think before you respond and remember that this meeting is not about you, your parenting skills or whether you are a good mother or not (even if somehow someone says something to make you feel that way). YOU control the meeting by always making it about what is best for your son, and how you all can help him.

(p.s. - I tried rewriting this, because I didn't want it so sound condescending. I hope it doesn't. I know how scary it is when your child starts to misbehave and you have no idea why or how to stop it. I made the mistake of staying in defensive mode for way too long before I finally got my son counseling. I wish I hadn't done that. )

Best wishes!

Quote:

Originally Posted by mum2five

He was in big trouble this week at school for strangeling another boy who had to be sent home with bruising around his throat.
I have now been asked to go into school next Thursday to discuss what to do.
The head teacher is advising someone come in to monitor him in the classroom!
This sounds a little extreme to me and I do become very offensive in regards to my children but what mother would not.

I agree with the others that this is not extreme at all. If you are defending him, or ''being very offensive in regards to your children'' then when they ARE in the wrong it gives them the go ahead that you are backing them up.
I have seen it time and time again when my kids were growing up. Some kid would pick a physical fight with my kids and my kid would punch back and the mother or the school would defend the other kid. The mother or teacher or bus driver wouldn't be there to see what happened and blame my kid because they didn't want to bother knowing the details. I would ask around and get to the bottom of it and very often it was the other kid. Supporting your kid when they do things like strangling is ONLY encouraging them to become the school bully.
Strangling AND leaving bruise marks around his throat is beyond a simple school fight, Your son needs to see that YOU take his behavior seriously.