I met this guy online who lives in my town and who checks out as a genuine person. We know some of the same people, we like doing the same things for fun, have simliar senses of humor, etc. My problem is I was in a relationship with a guy who put me down a lot because he had low self-esteem. Among other criticisms, he'd put me down because of the fact that I wasn't very well-endowed on top. He'd comment on my weight (knowing I had a history of an eating disorder) or tell me I should tone up, even though I always watch what I eat and I stay active. It was like nothing I ever did was good enough. We never had a lot of sex while we were together, and I never felt attractive because he'd constantly check out girls and tell me how hot they were and how they should be with a guy like him. I know I'm not bad at it, every guy I've made out with since has told me I'm a great kisser, or that I'm beautiful.

I stayed single for three years, I got my confidence back, and I cut all ties with him. I saw a psychologist, got my sh*t together, and realized he had an entire mess of problems that made him the way he was. Now I've finally met a guy who I have everything in common with, who treats me like a person, however... I'm keeping him in the friend zone because I'm scared of getting hurt again. I know this guy is like a lot of guys, he's attracted to a girl with a large rack, but I don't have that. And because I'm so inexperienced sexually, I'm scared of being in a relationship again. I shy away from dating because I'm more confident that way. When I meet someone new who shows interest, I back off because I don't want to be judged or put down the way I was before.

This guy is starting to flirt with me more, joke around to take things to the next level, but I'm scared. I have friends who are bigger than I am with bigger chests and guys never put them down for their bodies, but I don't want to put myself in a position to ever be hurt like that again. I'd be comfortable performing oral over time with the new guy because that's the only thing my ex didn't complain about. But when it comes to knowing how to have sex or what to do to get a guy turned on... I'm at a loss.

Any words of wisdom... please... help. I'm 22 and don't want to feel like this the rest of my life..

You have to try and move beyond your insecurities about your body image. If this guy likes you, you really need to take it for what it is. If he likes you, and you like him, why not see where it goes. Not all guys are the same. There are many nice, non-a-hole guys out there. You know what, most of them probably don't have girlfriends.

Why?

For some reason women go for jerks, not the nice guy. You need to not compare this guy with your ex. He was obviously a d*ck who doesn't know how to treat a lady.

If you want my opinion on women's "racks"... a handful is good enough for me. I don't really care for monsters. Sometimes bigger is not always better. :)

Trust me boobs are not everything to a real man. There are other things about women that are attractive. Heck, if Paris Hilton walked into the room, I would defiantly look. It's when they open their mouth that the true attractiveness shows... She is not attractive to me at all BTW.

No, not all guys are cruel and judgemental, just the ones that have a problem with themselves and they like to take it out on other people. Pay no mind to the worthless opinion of others. You love you for you, and if someone can't do the same, then it is their problem, not yours.

KC, again you're 100% correct. I think your came across better than mine.

Thanks guys... its just really hard sometimes because I'm not sure what I'm doing in the bedroom, nor do I know "tricks" as my ex use to call 'em. I'm considered "the nice girl" but it would be helpful to be better with men and sex. I respect myself, I wouldn't feel comfortable going out and sleeping with a guy just for the sake of getting more experience. This guy is more experienced, and seems to think I'll judge him for rational things such as his avid love of r/c racing or the fact that at 24 he still plays video games from time to time with the guys. I didn't judge him because I'm an open person who knows everyone has their niche, but my experience just has me scared sh*tless that I'll wow him in every way... except in the bedroom.

How do you get better at starting with foreplay too? It starts to feel so repetitive after awhile, and I hate admitting this but my ex use to just lay there while I did everything so it feels foreign to me to be with someone who isn't like a dead fish.

Its good that you respect yourself and your body. I think if more women did that, there would not be some many domestic/relationship problems in the world.

To answer your question about foreplay...

Start with lots of sensual touching and kissing. Then just move on from that.

If he is much more experienced, he should just start anyway. But either way, touching, feeling and kissing is how it usually starts. Then just go with what feels good.

Plus, it won't be repetitive for him or you. You guys are both "new" with each other and still getting to know each others likes and dislikes. Just go with how you feel. I'm sure it will turn out great for the both of you.

Yea, dead fish = no fun.

Not all guys are a holes. I am currently dating a girl who is soon to be my fiancé or so I hope. Anyway, when we met she had got out of a relationship like you were in and always being put down. Then she met me and didn't realize guys like me existed. I took her a long time to trust me and she kept me in the friend zone for the longest time. Then after time she realized I wasn't like some of the other guys she had dated. It has bee great from the beginning and hopefully will continue. As far as the sex goes, she wasn't that experienced either compared to me either. I didn't mind that at all. Guys will appriciate that a lot more than you know. Then they can teach you things that you like. Ya, never know. Somehow just the other day we accidentally came across a new position I had never heard of and it was amazing. Has to be my Favorite. Foreplay shoulr start with kissing and then rubbing each other. Just feeling each others bodies. Even non sexual parts feel good. Just being able to be so close to the person you love and be intimate with them is what makes a world of difference. You can always ask him what turns him on and you can tell him what turns you on.

You seem to be putting a lot of focus on your breast size. It sounds to me as if you are very self conscious about this, and it probably holds you back. It sure didn't help you self image when your ex criticized you about your size! I'm sure he wouldn't have put up with that if you would have done the same with him right? ;)

First, get to know this guy well enough as a friend, in order to feel more comfortable with him. Talk to him more in private and just get to know him. I guess what I'm trying to say, is get to know him well enough, that you will not end up in the same situation that you were in before, where you feel like you are a body part, and not a whole person. Once you get to know him better, you should be able to notice the things that he finds important to him, and just how he treats women in general.

If he passes the first "test", then I would start doing little romantic things to begin with. Don't go from the bar to the bedroom! There is so much more to foreplay that happens long before you see the bed, floor, table, backyard,. etcetera, etcetera, etcetera! I don't think there is a man alive that doesn't like the "leading up" to the moment, as much as the actual moment! Once you've done that, the rest is a piece of cake, really!

I wouldn't even stress about the oral on him for now. It's about you too you know! Don't focus so much on pleasing him. Focus on pleasing both of you! If he doesn't return the same energy, then I would think twice before getting involved with him.

How about leaving what you don't know alone, and staying within YOUR own boundaries. Dating is for fun, and gives you a chance to be comfortable with a person before you start a relationship.

There is no expectation of sex, or even kissing on a date. Just have fun, and see who is cool, and who isn't.

That stuff your talking about comes much later, and at YOUR pace, and with one of your choice you trust and are comfortable with. The ones who try, and pressure you beyond your boundaries, you drop them like a hot potato.

There is no hurry, and don't be rushed, by those that don't respect you enough, to do things at your pace.

Hey young guys with raging hormones have been around forever, and by being careful who you let close to you, your insecurities, and fears can be replaced with self esteem, and confidence. And then you can enjoy the experience of dating.

As for turning a guy on, most guys are already turned on any way. Just blow in there ear and they will follow you anywhere.

I caution you though, sex complicates things, and makes it hard to see the reality of things, and makes those intense feelings even more intense, and bewildering, so don't just have the idea of doing it, and expect it to keep people around for more, that's lust, and it fades after a while.

Hey guys, question for those of you familiar to Internet Dating...

I've been talking to a guy on there for about a month and we send each other fairly decent length messages; however, he's 24, works full time doing taxes and just bought his own house so his responses take about 3-5 days. Its also tax season, so I completely understand him being held up a lot of the time. He's a local guy, we have friends in common so I know he's a genuine person. Here's the thing: I'm 22, I'm not looking to play games, but I also don't want to make myself too available. I've been waiting a couple of hours to respond after reading his messages (which usually include an apology for taking a little longer to reply or just makes up for it in length of response/asks questions about my interests etc), but should I be waiting longer? Is there an etiquette to it if your only form of communication is e-mailing through the site?

Local, chating for a month, why has it not moved to phonne calls by now.

No matter how busy, 3 to 5 days is not respectful, A brief note every day if he was interested does not seem out of line. At leat a fast hello.

Seems time to broaden the communication, if your email pal is willing. Maybe he is happy with the way things are, and doesn't want more as you do. So have you thought of that possibility? Have you asked him?

Matt and I met on a music site , we spoke on msn hotmail , this turned into a daily then hourly thing. We spoke about everything no secrets. We swapped phone numbers and for six months in total had an internet only relationship.We met up half way and shared a hotel room.As a result of our one night meet up 6 weeks later I found out I was pregnant.Matt packed up left his job family and friends and moved in with me 3 weeks later.We have been together 2 years now and our second baby is due in 16 weeks time.We have both found our soul mates! So yes you see you can meet the man of your dreams online.
As for how long do you wait before replying we could not wairt to check our emails after coming home from work I worked days he worked nights so often had to wait forever for a reply = but the flirty texts in between helped x

Perhaps its my naivety that gives people the benefit of the doubt, but I'd been talking to this guy on a dating website for over a month. I held back a little and deciding to play this one close to the chest; he continued to ask questions, which I answered and asked about him in return. He comments more than once that we seem to have everything in common, even starts sending hearts & the overall tone was fine. I'm thinking okay, don't put all your eggs into one basket, see what happens. So I reply to his email where he'd asked a few more questions, and now its been 2 weeks without a reply.

I'm an understanding person, he's a tax accountant, he just bought a new house, he's apologized twice in the past for taking a bit of time to reply (stating work and getting settled in as his reasons, understandable) and his replies are usually a decent length... but if there's one thing I've learned on here it's that a guy should never be too busy to make time for you. I get that we weren't dating, just in the "talking" stage... but any advice how to proceed from here?

I myself am an accountant, and can tell you that from December 15th until the end of April are HELL! I know others are going to come on here and say, "If he can't find the time...blah," but I can assure you there are very few jobs that require the kind of hours like accounting jobs, especially this time of year.

There is of course the possibility that he didn't like one of your replies, or someone else caught his interest, but hey, this is an Internet dating site, so don't get overworked anyway. I wouldn't expect anything, and that way, if something does arise, then you can deal with it. I can say, with certainty, that if he is a tax accountant, he has his hands full with work.

Good luck, and remember, don't over analyze anything. If he does, or doesn't reply, deal with it, as it isn't really a big deal.

Your already way to involved, when you start assuming, and presuming without facts to back you up. I would advise you to be doing other things for yourself, and don't jump to conclusions.

That's one problem we all have, when we don't get input from people, we start thinking the worse, and our mind plays tricks on us.

Way to much thinking for an online friend, don't you think?? Or do you just need some attention???

Keep it in perspective, and don't over think it.

Just food for thought!