I have been dating this guy for 9 months now. On our first date he paid and that is where it has stopped.

From DATE#2 we have always split the bill. Even though he may order beers and I don't.. I still get sucked into paying 1/2.

I have a job as does he but what really ticks me off is he will call me at work and say he wants to take me out for dinner and then when the bill comes he tells me how much my 1/2 is.

I buy his 2 kids clothes and stuff when they need it and I get no thanks. When he asks me to pick stuff up for him.. he ends up throwing the bill in the garbage as if he bought it. I have mentioned to him several times that he is cheap and he just says he can't provide with the lifestyle he wants to give me!

He is usually at my house every weekend.. eating my food. When we go anywhere.. I drive using my gas. His mother mentioned one time that it must be nice having a boyfriend who always takes me out... so I blurted out.. and let her know that when her so called lovely boy takes me out we split the bill.

He has money to go play poker with his buddies or go play hockey but when it comes to me I am crapped on.

Now whe we go out to eat I make sure I have lots of small bills and change because once when I threw a $20 on the table for my $15 contribution he took the $20 and put it with his $12 and said the waitress was good and that she deserved a big tip!! First of all he didn't pay his 1/2 and then he gave her $5 of my moneyas a tip. The bill was $26 and I thought we were paying $15 a piece including a tip.

We have discussed him moving in but I am really concerned. I love him but this kind of treatment I get is really starting to tick me off.

Any suggestions what I can do or should I break up with him. I really can't live like this for the rest of my life thinking he is getting a free ride on my wallet!! :rolleyes:

Having him moving in with you will be a bad idea. Do you really want him to move in with you or do you want him to move in with you out of convience. And he won't just be moving in with you but with your kids also.

Express your concerns to him and if nothing changes then you've some tough decisions to make but hold back on him moving in with you just yet.

Liz is right. You need to talk to him. In the meantime, if he's ordering beers, order something expensive for yourself, whether it's a girly drink, or some dessert so that your meal and his meal cost about the same. Maybe then he'll get the hint.

STEP back and ask yourself, if this was happening to say your best friend your advice to her would be kick him to the curb.
KICK HIM TO THE CURB! Things will only get much worse if he was to move in or even continue. Next he will be wanting you to pay for his dry cleaning because you got lipstick on his collar LOL. There is no talking to someone like this because he won't change. You need someone generous in your life. Friends can be cheap, you can accept that, But coming from your potential sole mate? This will make you nuts down the road and will at some point cause you embarrassment.:cool:

I have never known a tight wad who changed and suddenly became generous.

I am 54 so I have seen a lot of tight people.He is not only tight but he is greedy.He has no problem spending your money,what a one way this guy is.

Don't move in!! You will be carrying this guy for life!

You need to tell him how his selfishness is a very unattractive trait and I would be concerned that his selfish attitude would spill over into other aspects of his life.Clearly ,as evidenced by his not thanking you for his kids gifts ,he is also an ingrate.

Its not just about money,he is just plain selfish.

Will he change?

Perhaps with some great motivation and a complete understanding of how his behavior is affecting your relationship and if he understands why he is so selfish, but that is a lot to work on.

Fighting over money is one of the major reasons for divorce.Right up there with cheating.Its a huge deal and you need to get this worked out before you consider putting yourself up as his sugar mama for the long term.

I would not let him move in with you- he will just take and take from you and eventually totally disrespect you. He is v selfish and a selfcentered person- I doubt v much he will change.

Sounds like your not happy with paying more than your share-rightly so! I am sorry to say this, but I don't think this man appreciates you as much as he should be. He is taking you for granted. Your doing all the giving and he is doing all the taking- that is not fair at all.

You know what, next time when you go for a meal, why don't you leave your wallet at home! Just make sure you have enough to get a cab home for yourself! Let him pay THE WHOLE BILL and see what he says!

Stop doing things for him- and start doing things for you- start buying things for you! More importantly, go out with your friends and eat out with them- at least you will pay for what you ate fairly.

Wow this guy seems like a dream.. NOT!!

That would be enough of a deal breaker for me.

I dated a guy that NEVER took me out to eat. He felt that cooking at home was the best thing to do. One time I asked if we could go to a movie and he said "I think it's better to stay home and watch one here, and it's cheaper"

The only time we did go out to dinner was when he had a gift certificate for Red Lobster, the gift certificate was for 50 dollars and guess what? I had to pay for the rest myself! ARG!!

Tightwads make me so angry.. RUN RUN FAR AWAY!! This behavior will not change, and will get worse with age..

Great now I got myself all worked up

Just curious, why do you let him get away with his behavior??

PUH- LEEZ DON'T SAY ITS LOVE!!

Good sex I will understand, but not the love excuse, because there just ain't that much love in the world to turn a responsible female stup... er... crazy, is there??

Sorry to be harsh. Trying to be REAL here!

Why stay with someone who treats you badly? It's just as bad as if he yells at you, beats you, or something like that. There's no excuse, so either A). Tell him it's not attractive and see if he changes or B). Drop him faster than a bad habit.

I agree with art lady, people who are cheap don't change! And at least he could be fair, right, so when you go out... if you have to pay for your own meal and your own drinks and what not... at least you can pay for the stuff you consume!

And him moving in is a really really BAD idea! That was the advice, if you want to keep the guy...

But seriously, isn't life a little too short to keep wasting it on some guy who would be impossible and aggravating to live with. If you are unhappy about his greedy bottom now, well its not going to get better with time. You frustration will only grow and he will just gnaw at you.

I'm sorry to say, that even though you might love him... you either need to tell him to straighten out his greedy and cheap behavior or you need to get him out of your life.

I think you need to sit down and make a list of things that your not happy with- trust me you will be surprised with yourself with what you put down!

You need to think well, as the money issue is just the tip of the iceberg- you really need to look at his character, personality, and how is he there for you when you have a bad day- questions like this will give you a better feel for what your relationship is truly like!

SO when is your next meal?

UPDATE on my b'friend and I.

Well I sat him down and really told him how I felt. He said he hadn't realized he was doing what he was and was quite upset when I went through every time he had me pay for stuff without even a word.

I gave him an ultimatum and told him that I couldn't give him a specific time frame as to him changing his ways but that he was on probation now and that if he didn't change I would be gone.

I am happy to report that he has totally done a 360 and now takes me out for dinner, pays for a coffee or a drink and won't let me put my hand in my pocket.

He also brings me little treats when he comes over and has a romantic weekend away planned for me this weekend.

I told him that this was something he has to keep up with and although I don't expect him to pay for everything all the time.. when he asks me to go out for dinner THEN I EXPECT HIM TO PAY, not wait for me.

So far I am happy with the changes he has made... but right now the plans for moving in with me are on hold... until I feel things are good and that he really has changed.

Thanks for everyone's advice... it really helped and I guess a leopard can really change his spots!! LOL

Glad to hear everything has worked out and you stick to your guns on this issue. Doesn't it feels glad?

Leave him for good. He is taking advantage of you. Tell him to be fair about the 50% 50% rule. 50% is 50%, no more, no less. A man is to promote, provide and protect a woman. A man's money is to spent on a woman among other things, if he did not spend on you, he will spend it on some other woman. You can find a better man. There are way too many better men out there. I dated so many guys before and most of them never let me pay for anything even if I tried. I also dated cheap guys before, but the first date was always the last one. Don't even waste your time on them, not even a minute. They do not deserve you. If a man loves you, he will do anything for you, just like if we love a man, we would do the same.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by bonniewu

Leave him for good. He is taking advantage of you. Tell him to be fair about the 50% 50% rule. 50% is 50%, no more, no less. A man is to promote, provide and protect a woman. A man's money is to spent on a woman among other things, if he did not spend on you, he will spend it on some other woman. You can find a better man. There are way too many better men out there. I dated so many guys before and most of them never let me pay for anything even if I tried. I also dated cheap guys before, but the first date was always the last one. Don't even waste your time on them, not even a minute. They do not deserve you. If a man loves you, he will do anything for you, just like if we love a man, we would do the same.

---

Please read the entire post before you respond.


That is wonderful that the chat worked, TotallyTicked. Good luck, hope it continues on the right path.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Totallyticked

UPDATE on my b'friend and I.

Well I sat him down and really told him how I felt. He said he hadn't realized he was doing what he was and was quite upset when I went through everytime he had me pay for stuff without even a word.

I gave him an ultimatum and told him that I couldn't give him a specific time frame as to him changing his ways but that he was on probation now and that if he didn't change I would be gone.

I am happy to report that he has totally done a 360 and now takes me out for dinner, pays for a coffee or a drink and won't let me put my hand in my pocket.

He also brings me little treats when he comes over and has a romantic weekend away planned for me this weekend.

I told him that this was something he has to keep up with and although I don't expect him to pay for everything all the time .. when he asks me to go out for dinner THEN I EXPECT HIM TO PAY, not wait for me.

So far I am happy with the changes he has made ... but right now the plans for moving in with me are on hold .... until I feel things are good and that he really has changed.

Thanks for everyone's advice... it really helped and I guess a leopard can really change his spots!!! LOL

---

Glad to hear that.. I hope its not just a *get back in your good graces* gesture on his part.You are wise to proceed slowly... Glad to hear it is working so far! ;)