Hi.. I had sex with my boyfriend before 3 weeks. We don't go out often.. we love each other so much.. we talk to each other so much on the phone and we had been in love like this for over the last 4 years.. I am from a country that doesn't allow relationships between men and women in sexually way so we go out to watch movies.. and just hang around when we want to meet.. and over the 4 years we only had gone to hotel room for 4 times to have sex (make love) and the last time was before 3 weeks.. we had sooooooooooooo much great time.. we did every thing we talked about over the phone that we want to do.. we had such a relief time.. I mean sexually.. emotionally.. every thing.. all I know is that I was laying on his chest for so much long time and so did he on me.. so it was all LOVE. But on that same day when we both got back to our normal lives his calls almost stopped! We talk every day but only out of the routine not bcoz we miss each other.. the last week I was sleepless thinking in a crazy way about what is going on the week before I had so many fights telling him what happened that he didn't like.. but he always kept saying nothing change.. until this day he keep saying that.. and it's driving me nuts the fact that every thing change.. it's like OK be4 4 week it was the day of my dreams.. but since that day I lost the man I was with! And it's only him not that is lightly in my life! But not the whole him! We don't share any thing. I got hurt.. today I talked to a friend of mine.. she told me that maybe he felt in that day he owns me.. and men don't like that no matter how much they say they do! So his head got bigger! And he got crazy about the idea he owns me so I am nothing in his life.. like I am a girl that doesn't matter to him as long as he GOT me! Maybe that what happened.. so today I spoke to him.. I told him (in a twisted way).. "that i dont like to have a routine with the man iam in love with.. so if one day u dont want to call me it's okay i won't be angry.. and if one day i have so many things to do and i can't reach the phone to talk to u i dont want u to be mad at me! and i told him the routine is killing the love we have to each other in our hearts. and that i love you and you are the only MAN i wanna talk to and communicate with about my normal life or my sex life and so.." so I did say all of that to spice our relations a bit.. this way he can miss me.. I can get the chance to miss him.. because for the last 3 weeks I just held the phone waiting for his 5 minutes call! So I really got frustrated! But what I want to REALLY know.. why all of this happened? Since we had a time of our life.. and of his life as well! So why his other face had to show! Specially after our biggest amazing day! I really want to know what happened.. because I don't want to move on with this relation trying to making it spicy and stuff with out understanding what happened specially after a day we both dreamed about it soooo much for so many times because our last time before this time (we go out as sex and making love) was before 2 years.. so we really wanted that day to come but what I can't understand what happened to him! I read over the internet that maybe he didn't like the way my body look (I have 33 pounds to lose) but he knows that I am going to lose them and I am on a diet! So was he in shock seeing me without my clothes on! Because to be hounest he didn't look shock in that hotel room.. for whole day he kept hugging me and kissing me and where ever I go I find him playing with my body parts :o so please who really knows what going on try to replay.. maybe all these questions will go out of my head and I will be ready to move on with him.. I mean really move on! :confused:

If your weight is his problem then he is shallow and not worth the time or trouble. If he was all touchy feely with you when you were naked in the hotel and now he won't hardly talk to you there must be something that is bothering him. Only way to know for sure is to ask. Maybe he just does not love you any more and wants out? Ask him what is going on and see how he responds.

It seems he has a huge problem with your weight, and he is using that to more or less end the relationship. He doesn't want to Marry you, so there is nothing really that you can do. Please move on.

You should not blame yourself for his thoughtless behavior.It is not about your weight.If he loved you he would love you no matter what you weighed.We love people for who they are on the inside,not their appearance.

Some men with very little or no morality will tell a girl what she wants to hear just to get what they want.And when they tire of it they move on to a new girl and new lies.

I think you need to respect yourself more and understand that you are a good person and he is the one who lost out here.
You took a big risk to be with him and he should have the decency to be honest with you.

Learn from this experience and learn to love yourself so no one else can use you this way in the future.

So far I've read that you 2 have had sex only 5 times in 4 years. This may be the problem. These days you just expect more out of a relationship. Do you 2 share the same culture and beliefs?

The wonderful sex night might only be wonderful in your mind and just not enough in his.

Hey guys.. thanks for the answers.. and chrissymarie yes we do share every thing.. same religion same country same believes.. we are so close so close that if any thing change or we try to be different people I just know it and he knows it too.. and sex in our country between two people who are not married is forbidden so neither him or I can have it too much! So every thing we had done together is our of love not sex and I am sure it's just pure love and he is not the kind of guy who have sex just out of sex! He always keeps telling me we only do it just bcoz it's pure love! Anyway I agree with you that when a person loves me he should be great full to have me in his life. Specially when I try to make every thing sound and be okay and I don't make big deals out of things and that's all what I had been.. but what really hurts me is that after every thing nice we had done he became a different person just the minute we got out of that hotel room! Why would any one do that! He even said it we had the best time of our lives! And until this day he just makes me feel like every thing is OK when it's not! He ignores me. He doesn't like to talk about his feelings with me any more.. all he does is talk about things.. show me that he is a good person.. and laugh and make me laugh but when I laugh too much for his jokes he gets upset.. like he doesn't want me any more or my laughter or any thing! But yet he still calls me and still wants my approval of him! I don't get it! Is this normal! Do guys in love do that? I am so angry at him but I don't show him that! I mean the same guy who gave me and himself the best moments of our lives is ruining every thing now! And today he even tried to have sex with me over the phone (we do that bcoz we can't keep seeing each other to make love bcoz of my country and rules of both of our families and lives) so when he talks about what happened in that day to try to turn me on I can feel it that he talk and talk then he stops at som point when he feels he actually did all of that with me! I think what is happening is that he doesn't want to believe he found the girl he wants! So in every way he just want to turn me off! Emotionally.. sexually.. every thing! But why would he do that? Please if any one knows why tell me! I had never been so confused in my life more than now!

I'm not sure you live in America where he can be influenced a lot by our culture.

Anyway, you are desperate and needy now because you sense that the relationship that you put so much hope into is going to be all over.
Men are really turned off by needy women. He has sent out signals that it is over, and he is letting you down "easy".

He knows you are desperate, so he still uses you to listen to his problems and shore up his ego.

What you have to do now is tell him you want to get married within 6 months, and ask him to discuss setting a date for the ceremony. If he declines to set a date and tell your parents, then, you have to break up with him and never talk or see him again. Cry your eyes out for now and over your dashed dreams, but you will get over it in a year or so as long as you move forward with your life.

So sorry for your heartbreak.

Best wishes going forward, :)

Oh seriously! :mad:
I think if people consider offering a harsh opinion, however misguided, they should at least attempt to approach it at a little sensitively. People asking these questions are in a very vunerable position, and possibly not feeling their most secure, they are at your mercy and relying on your advice and sensitivity. A little tact and care never hurt.

Well from the thread I read, it sounded like the LAST problem he had was with what you looked like. :rolleyes: Although I can understand that feeling insecure about the situation, the first thing you would assume is that it had something to do with you physically.
Like you say, he obviously didn't seem to have a problem so far as that's concerned.

Also -and I'm sure it's cool for me to give what is simply my alternative opinion without the danger of any possible misunderstanding that I am in any way speaking derogatoritively about anyone else's views- I'm no expert, but I would probably assume that demanding you get married in 6 months may seem a tad more needy than simply wanting to know why your boyfriend's behaviour towards you has changed so suddenly, especially after 4 years of such a close and loving relationship, you're entitled to question it, and the fact that you want to resolve it shows that you care.

How long has he been like this? Maybe it's just because you've been talking and fantisising about it for SO long, (it was a HUGE build up) and you've FINALLY done it, he's like "Ok so now what?" Maybe it's been a part of your lives for so long it's just left a conversational void, perhaps it's a bit more than that. But really, if he loves you, and he's shown his love for you so much over the past few years, he deserves the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you're over analysing a simple "shift" in the relationship, and that will enivitably happen over years of a relationship. The important thing is to try not to freak out about it, because that will not help anything.

Have you seen him in person since this happened? You'll only know for sure when you see him. The best you can do is be the person you always have been, that's the person he fell in love with and you know you've done nothing wrong. And yes, I think your friend has a point, don't let him think he owns you if that is the case and he's become complacent keep him on his toes, don't laugh at all his jokes, don't agree with everything he says, make him work a little for your approval. ;)

Hope it all works out for you hon, the BEST of luck. X

Hey guys.. thanks for the advice really helped.. some of the advices are so good but other I don't think so! Well like asking him to marry me! Simply bcoz that is no way going to happened! Specially with him treatment.. he needs to be avoid for a while and as my friend said and you too Nymph 101 he really needs to start working on getting my attention! I felt it.. he changed bcoz we talked about it too much for the last years and now it happened he did ask himself what now! And I felt also that he think he got me! Like it's OK for him to have me and do what ever to me! And that I am not going to give to him! Yesterday I even talked him I chatted with my ex (the ex maybe 6 years ago) but I brought it in a nice way.. like thank God I found love now and you and.. but still I showed him that still I can go and talk to other men.. this way he can actually open his eyes for real and look around and know that I am still not his wife of his own! And when the time that will happened (if so I will be his wife) I will love him with all my heart because I have in my mind when I get married I'll only do it because I want to start my own family.. not bcoz of the rings and the freedom of that! Because those sweet things will pass with the time.. but marriage is all about starting my own life and my own family.. and me and my boyfriend are both young to do that.. and since his behaviors after our best day I sure will not give him the happiness to think I want him or I have in and my agenda for the future! So yes I had been a lil' cold to him.. and not bcoz I am acting this way! But I am! Because now he has to let me really know he can take care of my heart and love and me as well so I can be so sweet with him again! I can't trust him now! He is not trustable! So I guess my problem will be healed only by time! Because we still talk love talk but only when he misses me! And for that I can't trust him on my heart and self! Again.. thanks for the answers.. really helped