I was wondering if anyone can tell me why addicts are so freaking selfish? My (soon to be ex) husband is a meth/coke crack addict (smokes it) and apparently a sex addict. I recently found out he was screwing around on me before we were even married a year. (and I had no clue as we worked opposite hours) Our electricity got cut off about 5 times in 18 months, and I had no access to the acct. We were always broke and I could never figure out why. Anyway, I left him, Why would a man that has only been married 2yrs 9 months, whole relationship 4 yrs. Want a 3some w/ me and my best-friend(before we were married 3 months) and another good friend, a few months later, AND wanted to watch another man screw me, HIS NEW WIFE. Please explain this INSANE crap?:(

Easy. He IS a selfish SOB and could care less about anyone or anything if it does not benefit or amuse him. Glad to hear you finally are waking up to his shennanigans and moving on. Also, if he was not selfish and self centered he probably would not be a drug addict and definitely not a sex addict either. You hit the nail on the head with your first sentence whether you realized it.

My brother in law might as well be your guys mentor.

His is a _ _ _ _ _ _addict. Fill in the blank with whatever you wish. Gambling. Drugs. Porn. Sex. video games. It doesn't matter. Drugs, gambling, and sex seem to be the most common.

Every time he gets his life together, settled, structured... he finds a way to screw it up again. And again. And again.

He is talented. Smart. Able. But makes terrible choices. Over and over.

If I described a problem or situation to you, chances are you might come up with a few possible responses... a, b, c... maybe a d or e... he always chooses "v"... the response so far removed and unbelievable that you just can't wrap your head around it.

Three years ago, after leaving him twice before, and then reconciling when he would "straighten" up, his wife said "enough"... went through an ugly, costly divorce, spending money neither had to spend and putting the kids through terrible noise.

Well, she never really wanted to be without him... and within a year they were back together. Now... more than 15 years into their marriage/relationship, its back to where it always goes... he is not reliable or dependable and will never be that guy for her.

Seems to be the way he is wired. Not saying she hasn't made some dumb decisions also... she certainly has, and sometimes plays the victim a little too well... but still... if he did his part, they would be fine.

He had some traumatic things happen to him when younger... and in some ways I think hers never dealt with these things. My wife, his sister, went through just as much herself, but she straightened her life out early on and is his opposite.

I know addicts who have turned the corner, made amends, done right. Addicts who have changed their life... sometimes in time to save relationships... sometimes after they've lost everything.

And then there's my brother in law. I don't think he will ever be satisfied. Not with stability. Not with the love of a woman. Not with self chosen chaos. Its really, really sad.

He is a totally lost soul, or as I call them under my breath, an effin a$$hole.

A woman has to be very discriminating about who she choses to get involved with. LIve and learn and get smarter, girl.

Best wishes in the future, :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Choux

He is a totally lost soul, or as I call them under my breath, an effin a$$hole.

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Do you have to choose? I think all the above is a reasonable option sometimes. ;)

A addict is just that, the thing they want is more important than anything or anybody. It controls their life.