I am an 18 year old male and lately I have been having some trouble with staying hard during sex. Me and my girlfriend just recently started having sex and I lost my virginity to her. I guess I take a long time to peak because she always mentions when she is down on me, are you almost there, my jaw hurts? After like 5 minutes and it turns me off. I think that during sex I focus on trying to reach orgasm too much and trying to please her because going in to the encounter I don't really get a full hard on and am focused on losing it, and when I start I lose my erection after like 3 minutes. I don't know what it could be. Maybe me dwelling on the fact that I could lose my erection doesn't help but I don't know what it could be. I don't have problems masturbating and do it frequently while I'm away at college. Does anybody have any suggestions or ideas of what it could be?

Maybe you should lessen the masturbating. That might be the problem.

And you are right about thinking about your erection while having sex. Just relax and have fun. :)

The most blunt answer is that your body is not used to sex.

You can't just delve into the world of intimate relations. It takes time both physically and emotionally.

But with the cooperation of you and your partner you will be having long satisfying sex in no time. Just dare I say "practice"

Your sex partner sounds like a whore talking to a john... dude, you don't know enough about good sex to continue this dreary relationship.

You don't have to draw out fellatio or stroking while you are a beginner... that is a real passion killer. Don't model your sexual behavior on the antics of porn stars... and neither should a female.

You are going to kill passion if you continue on this sexual road. Too mechanical. Think passion, heavy breathing passion.

Also, you need a woman not a girl to teach you about sensuality, Exquisite sensuality.

I think you should stop having bad sex. :) You are only 18... find a better sex partner or resume your sex like in a year or so.

Very best wishes to you, :)

I disagree Choux. Everyone starts without experience, finding an older women to "teach" him is usually left for the movies.

You two are just starting, and sex is largely mental. If you are constantly thinking about losing your erection, well, you're not in the moment, not enjoying the act itself, I'm not surprised that you aren't maintaining an erection.

Stop thinking so much, just let yourself go, feel every touch, every kiss, hear every whisper and moan. Be in the moment. I hate to say it but "practice makes perfect".

Have fun and good luck. Also, remember, safe sex, condoms, the pill, no exceptions ever! :)

I don't think someone should abandon an "inexperienced" lover just because the person doesn't know left from right.

After all... if we told all persons to leave "poor" or "inexperienced" lovers for those with more knowledge... sex becomes an exercise in technique... execution... does this mean all young girls should date older men and all young men should date older women? Nah.

Half the fun of learning about sex is the mystery, the mistakes, and the honest discovery.

So... I'm middle ground here.

Good relationships sometimes fall into sexual ruts. I don't think you should necessarily dump an otherwise "good girl" because she isn't lock in step with you sexually... just so you can get off with the first "cougar" who is able to seal the deal.

Likewise... having spent way too much time on a "good girl" who was wrong for me in many ways, including sexually... you also have to know when to say "when"...

Two of the most important things that can help young men with ED issues are exercise and removing mental blocks.

So... attack these two areas first...

If you aren't active, getting enough sleep, enough exercise... you have the ability to control and change this...

Likewise... its really a hard line to find... but there are times when you find yourself with a partner who is otherwise "great" but perhaps sexually incompatible...

Much of great sex, whether male or female, depends on your ability to release, to be in the moment... if your partner has you on a "stop watch"... well... its not going to end well most of the time.

So you need to figure out how to get yourself mentally and physically primed for the moment.

For me... this means I like few distractions. I want private space. No interruptions. I want to be clean and my lover to be clean. The room should be inviting and comfortable. While I like some voyeur and some "exhibitionest" play (like sex outdoors and sometimes in public places) its better usually to ensure privacy and the ability to act as I want, without worrying about being "caught"...

So... for you... I really think your lover is too damn impatient. She is demanding a response from you too soon, and that is playing into a feedback loop that makes it harder for you to release, let go, hit climax.

I don't know.

I don't like putting a time on anything sexual... but if I'm trying to get my love off, id better be willing to give her anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour... and that doesn't mean intercourse... it means sensual touch, the slow escalation of tension, and eventually sex.

While a guy might be able to get off in short time by self stim, if she's all about getting it done and over... she's really missing the point.

Sex isn't all about getting to the Big O... though that's not a bad thing to seek... if she isn't connecting with you... if she just wants it over and done... she is completely missing the point.

Too bad for her. Bad for you too... but really... too damn bad for her. Sex is just a finish line for her that she can't reach fast enough.

Ick to that noise.

I think what you have is generally referred to as *performance anxiety*. You are so hung up on what is happening in your brain you are forgetting to just feel and enjoy the experience.

By the way.. not all men like oral sex.Some men find it too light of a stimulation, more like a caress than a means to an end.

If you are primarily used to orgasm via masturbation it may take some time for you to get used to sex with a partner,where you are not in control of every stroke or feeling you get.

Be honest with your partner,tell her what feels good and what doesn't.If you are comfortable enough to have sex you should be comfortable enough to discuss it.

Honest open communication is very important in all aspects of a relationship.