Hi everyone. I just recently (5 months) started dating this guy. He is wonderful and makes me so happy. We both have been through a divorce (my husband had a gambling problem and his wife couldn't keep her legs closed). I personally do not have children, but he has 2 from his ex wife. The kids are great, the ex is a headache. She constantly calls at all hours of the night. She makes confusing remarks to the kids like, "mommy can't come home anymore." She even has tried to break us up and get him back when we first started dating. She texts him late at night things like, " we love you daddy"- his kids are 5 &7 years old. The kids are incredibly smart and we (kids, boyfriend and I) all discuss certain concerns they have. But she is driving me CRAZY! Every time she calls I get this frustrated feeling in my gut. He constantly reassures me that they are only friends and that he loves me. He says that he just needs to remain friends for the kids. I KNOW this is true, but I am having such a hard time with it. Every time we "bump" into each other it is extremely awkward and frustrating because she doesn't even acknowledge my presence. How can I made the situation more comfortable for us all? How can I get over the chip on my shoulder?

That is one of the prices paid for dating someone with kids, and you have to decide whether you can deal with it.
They need to be on a friendly bases because of the kids, but he also needs to let her know her place. If you two are going to be a couple, she needs to respect that and it is up to him to make sure she does. If he does not have the stomach for that, this situation will not get better so you have to decide if HE is worth the headache.

How long were they separated before you two started dating? It does not sound like there was ample time to set boundaries between the two of them before he moved on with his life.

She is going to continue to have issues with this and your new boyfriend needs to set boundaries as well as he can now, but there are going to be things he can't fix with this situation, you can only hope that she continues on with her life in a health way and stops clinging to his.

They have been divorced for 2 years. Ample time for her to let go. Not to mention she lives with her boyfriend. I know I just need to GET OVER IT, but am having a little trouble with it. Does anyone have any words of advise on how I can "reset" my mind frame?

In that case, my advise was inaccurate. I have an ex that hasn't let go and we have been separated since 2002. It is a control issue and it affects my relationship all of the time.

The best advice is ensure that he is setting his boundaries, he doesn't need to be her "friend" at all, they just need to have a conjenial relationship with her. Leave all outside of the children relationship matters outside of communication. Request for communication to be done through email only, no text messages. As many boundaries as he can set he should, she is trying to continue to control him by using the children.

Good luck to you.

I agree with Justwantfair.
HE has to set boundaries, this is not something you have to change or IMO reset your frame of mine.
If he has not/does not set boundaries, things are not likely to change.
You have to decide if you want to deal with this drama, if this guy is worth it. .

That all is very true. He has told hr that she can't just stop over and can't call at all hours of the night, but he also has stated that he is still her friend. I don't feel it is my choice to stop that, but it kind of hurts when I hear him talking on the phone with her. He sounds so happy to hear from her. I know that he is talking to her by the tone he uses. Is that crazy? I know that what they had is over. I just have a hard time with his close friendship with her. I don't want to seem controlling and tell him how he can and can't talk to her, but I worry that eventually it will be the route of all our problems.

He has not set boundaries, because if she disregards you and he does not put a stop to it, there is no boundary. If you two are a couple, their friendship should not overshadow your relationship. It sounds to me like this is the way things will be because this is what he allows.
Again, you have to ask yourself if it is worth it. There is no reason you should have to compete with his ex. If it bothers you, move on and do it soon.

OMG I am in almost the same situation except the baby is inside her stomah still. She desperately wants him back and is so annoying and disrespectful towards our relationship. I really want my boyfriend to end all communications with her but he can't cause she's the mother of his child.

Here's what conclusion I've come to... I'm just going to have to accept and deal with this woman if I want to be with him. I guess she's just the baggage that comes along with my man.

There's no getting rid of her. Any attention you show her is just fueling her. Eventually hopefully she will chill out.

If my bf's ex wasn't pregnant with his baby I'd have him go over there and threaten her to butt out of our relationship unless she wants a restraining order. Don't let him tell you he and her have to be friends for their children because honestly they do not. Hus children already understand mommy and daddy aren't together so they will understand if mommy and daddy don't talk too.

He needs to take the upper hand and get rid of his baggage. Its not fair to you. Don't feel bad for wanting him completely to yourself. You don't have to put up with her.

You best believe when my mans ex has that baby I'm going straight to her house to set her right!

Good luck!

Who's man was he when the girl got pregnant?
He is still going to have to deal with her and that new baby.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Who's man was he when the girl got pregnant?
He is still going to have to deal with her and that new baby.

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He was no ones man. They have been broken up for about a year and a half but stupidly they were still sleeping together. He doesn't have to deal with her... That's not his girlfriend, wife or friend.

He is the father of the child he so carelessly made. She has some hold on him. He kept going back.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

He is the father of the child he so carelessly made. She has some hold on him. He kept going back.

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Going back to an ex for sex is very common. I'm positive he no longer wants invovlement with her relationship wise, when the baby gets here the only communicating they will be making will be over the phone and through email. And that's the way this should be.

You and I are obviously from different generations. I am not aware of going back to exes for sex being common and unprotected sex at that. That is irresponsible and IMO triffling
Is this guy not going to have any involvement in the life of this baby he has made? It is no longer about him and her. There is a child in the mix.
This is a really pitiful place for children nowadays.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You and I are obviously from different generations. I am not aware of going back to exes for sex being common and unprotected sex at that. That is irresponsible and IMO triffling
Is this guy not going to have any involvement in the life of this baby he has made? It is no longer about him and her. There is a child in the mix.
This is a really pitiful place for children nowadays.

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You and I are probably are not from different generations but probably very different lifestyles. If your in a relationship and the sex is good, when you get out of one the sex is still good and you'll probably still want it. I've gone back to ex's for sex. I think is very judgemental of you to call it trifling and irresponsible. Accidents happen and that's how most children created outside of marriage are made.

My boyfriend will take very good care for his child especially under my watch, but like I said he will have no real involvement with his ex. I won't tolerate it, and I shouldn't have to.

To pretend we still live in holy times where marriage before children was happening more then young people and people out there making mistakes making children then all your statements would makle sense and not just sound ignorant and closed minded. Try not to pretend you don't live in the current because you do unless your writing from 1952.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You and I are obviously from different generations. I am not aware of going back to exes for sex being common and unprotected sex at that. That is irresponsible and IMO triffling
Is this guy not going to have any involvement in the life of this baby he has made? It is no longer about him and her. There is a child in the mix.
This is a really pitiful place for children nowadays.

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Also any further questions or comments you have about my personal life should be addressed to me in a message. This is not my thread. Thank you.