Hello my husband of 38 years does not or ever ask me for sex he's not interested at all it must be 10 years since we had sex he says he's got erection problems so we discussed it and he went to the doctors he did not want to but he went because I was nattering him anyway the Viagra did not work but I must say he only took 4 then didn't bother trying anymore also when we did try to make love well he did not put any feeling in to it at all he just laid there never even tried really to explore my body or anything to put it blunt he laid there like well a sack of potatoes. It did not make me feel good at all . But he once went with a prostitute I found out don't know how many times he had been but he was caught with the police he kept that from me for 10 months until one day the police came knocking on the door with a summons also many years ago my son caught him in women's underclothes and I have found 2 bags of women's underclothes one in an out building we had and 1 in the boot of his car both times he denies they have belonged to him he says don't know where they have come from . But he looks at other women and he loves to put his arms round them we went to a funeral and he had not met his cousins wife he was watching her and he loved it when he was introduced to her he put his arms round her and his sister saw this see said oh look at him with the ladies he loves it he never puts his arm round me only when I go up to him he seems to get a kick out of complimenting other women as well its making me feel unloved un attractive and depressed please help me
Thank you I don't understand him at all he eyes women up all the time and love it if he gets a compliment thank you LINDA HE UNDER CLOTHES FOUND WAS ABOUT 17 YEARS AGO AND THE OTHER WITH The prostitute was 1989

Do you think you could convince your husband to get some marital/sexual counselling? It sounds like he has a lot of issues that he hasn't dealt with, or is struggling with. Do you think it's possible that he is cross dressing? That sounds like a definite possibility to me. It's either that, or he has a fetish with woman's under garments, and could possibly be collecting these items in order to satisfy himself. In either case, there are some serious issues going on.

How did you address the issue of him being with the prostitutes? Did it get swept under the rug, or was it something you discussed? He certainly has sexuality issues, and unless the two of you get some help, I don't see this problem getting solved.

If doesn't sound to me like your husband is respecting you. You shouldn't have to live in a loveless, sexless existence like this. Ten yrs. Is much too long for a husband and wife not to be intimate. In fact, it isn't physically or mentally healthy for you or for him! You've got a house mate... not a husband!

In my opinion, your husband is hiding things from you, and lying to both you and himself. Women's underwear doesn't just magically appear in the boot of your car. I would venture to say that he may have a secret life that you just aren't aware of. There seems to be a lack of communication between the two of you.

You need to discuss this with him for many reasons. A major one being your mental, emotional, and physical well being. He could still be seeing prostitutes, and could possibly give you a disease, to name just one thing! That's very serious! I think it's time for an intervention. Your husband needs to be truthful with you! You deserve that! Especially after 38 yrs of marriage! This is not fair to you, and you need to stand up for yourself!

If you can't convince him to go to into therapy with you, you should definitely go yourself. With or without him, I think that is the best thing you can do for your own sanity.

Good luck to you, and I hope you get these issues sorted out, so you get your needs met in your marriage.

I would guess he is keeping something from you, but even more telling is you letting this go on for so long. How old are you both?? What was his story when he was caught in female clothes???

While men change over time ( as do women ) communications is always supposed to be worked on, and either he tells you what the real deal is, or he sleeps in the boot of his car, where the underwear was found.

Yes you both could use some counseling, but you may have to go without him, as he seems intent on keeping his secrets.