Ask Me Help Desk - How do you stop loving someone and let go?

How do you stop loving someone and let go?

I can't believe I am even asking this question, because I already know the answer. I am just hoping that if I see your responses in writing, somehow my heart might get it..

I have been with this man on and off for over 5 years... (more off, I think). I love him terribly. He has 3 daughters whom I loved also. Much drama happened during our relationship... things I can't discuss here concerning the children and their Grandfather (enough said) and the big drama issues of him always on porn sites, talking to other women, on the dateline, keeping his foot in the door of every x he ever had and in the new ones he would meet trolling. I would find this stuff and be devastated. He wouldn't care if I got upset and moved out... he would blow me off for a few weeks (while he is with the new girl) then start contacting me again. When we would break up he would bad mouth me to his family saying I am insecure and jealous, and them never knowing the truth of what was going on. We have been broken up for a year. He still tries to contact me periodically and of course... I try to blow him off, but I usually end up responding. When I finally respond, he says something mean... I am crazy to love this man or even give him the time of day. I have tried everything to get him out of my head but it doesn't work... now for the question... how do you stop loving someone?

How do you stop loving someone and let go?

By loving yourself more than you love them. By keeping them out of your life, and building one without them in it, and breaking the cycle of talking to them, and getting hurt by them, AGAIN!

If you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, you will never move on. That's insanity.

So... you are letting him contact you, and hurt you. Quit. Change your contact information if you have to, as you seem addicted to the pain he causes, and for whatever reason, yourself control is thrown out of the window with him.

How to move on:

1. Stop talking to him
2. Let time do the rest

I am not sure you can really stop loving someone, but you can move on with your life, and face facts and reality. With time, you will fall out of love with him, even if you still love him as a person, but keeping in contact will make it virtually impossible.

You move on, when you let yourself move on. I know, I know, it's not that simple. But when you get down to the bare bones of it all, that's the reality of the situation. You need to distance yourself and build a life without this person in it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

How do you stop loving someone and let go?

By loving yourself more than you love them. By keeping them out of your life, and building one without them in it, and breaking the cycle of talking to them, and getting hurt by them, AGAIN!!

If you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, you will never move on. Thats insanity.

I know you are 100% correct. It is so awful when you love someone and they don't love you back. Never REALLY did. I plan on deleting my "myspace" and email. What is the game he has been playing with me? He has sabataged me with his family because of his lies and always being the victim. I hate they think so awful of me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kctiger

So...you are letting him contact you, and hurt you. Quit. Change your contact information if you have to, as you seem addicted to the pain he causes, and for whatever reason, your self control is thrown out of the window with him.

How to move on:

1. Stop talking to him
2. Let time do the rest

I am not sure you can really stop loving someone, but you can move on with your life, and face facts and reality. With time, you will fall out of love with him, even if you still love him as a person, but keeping in contact will make it virtually impossible.

I know, I know... you are right. I hear you all talking... my dang heart just won't stop hurting and loving. Even with all of the pain I still find the love. Maybe I AM insane.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 411Help

You move on, when you let yourself move on. I know, I know, it's not that simple. But when you get down to the bare bones of it all, that's the reality of the situation. You need to distance yourself and build a life without this person in it.

I am in Florida and he is in Illinois. It has been a year since I have seen him. I have heard he has been with several women since I left. I wish I could be like him and just move right on down the road.

You aren't insane. Once you realize you have such a huge capacity to love, it makes you such a special person. It isn't easy to just get rid of those feelings. Someday, you will find someone that shares the same love for you, that you do for them. This just wasn't the right time, that's all. Nothing makes you more human, and more special than being able to genuinely love someone.

No you're not insane, just love him so much that you are blinded but what your mind is telling you. Listening to your mind is hard when the heart speaks so loud, things will get better but only after you cut off contact with him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christy luv

how do you stop loving someone?

Hello Christy:

You don't. You just move on... I still LOVE every chick I ever did love, and that includes Marno Eaton who I fell in love with in 4th grade.

excon

True. I still love Jennifer Anniston, but I realized quickly that her string of boyfriends probably had a lot more to offer than I do...

She is to old for me anyway! :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

No you're not insane, just love him so much that you are blinded but what your mind is telling you. Listening to your mind is hard when the heart speaks so loud, things will get better but only after you cut off contact with him.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write me. I know in my mind the truth. I KNOW THE TRUTH... I am just having a hard time accepting it. After a year I still love this man. To be honest, he only contacts me periodiaclly. I figure it is when he is not with someone. He treated me so bad, yet the whole relationship was my fault according to him and his family. They have never even spoken to ME about it... they only listented to him. I know I mustn't dwell. I just squirel cage in my mind all day long.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kctiger

True. I still love Jennifer Anniston, but I realized quickly that her string of boyfriends probably had a lot more to offer than I do...

She is to old for me anyway! :)

Well, personally I think I am a good woman and he isn't going to find anyone better than me. He will keep looking, though... and THIS I know for sure... he isn't going to treat any other woman any better than he did me.

Of course you are a good women, you just had the wrong man. Accept it and let him go, so you can regroup, and have a better chance at happiness.

Quote:

Originally Posted by excon

Hello Christy:

You don't. You just move on... I still LOVE every chick I ever did love, and that includes Marno Eaton who I fell in love with in 4th grade.

excon

I think there is a difference in loving someone and being "in love" with someone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Of course you are a good women, you just had the wrong man. Accept it and let him go, so you can regroup, and have a better chance at happiness.

Oh, if it were only THAT easy. I have been trying for a year. He is definitely moving on and doesn't think twice about me. Actually, still bad mouths me. Maybe I need some serious therapy... somehow think being treated so horrible is okay... Why would I allow this?

You need to put your heart to the side.. and use your head... look at the facts of the situation... what's your conclusion?. do what you know you should do even if your heart isn't going to benefit from it... life goes on, keep your chin up and be support yourself in making a wise decision... supporting yourself knowing that you are making this decision for the right reasons will help to ease the heartache.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christy luv

Oh, if it were only THAT easy......Maybe I need some serious therapy..... Why would I allow this?

Hello again luv:

Couple things.

Life ain't easy. Nobody here said it was. People are just saying what to DO, not how to feel about it... Some stuff hurts... Ok.

Now, if you want to beat yourself up about it, or if you want to find out "why" you did it, therapy would be the place to go.

But, if you simply don't want to do it again, then don't.

excon

It's very hard to let go, but once reality has set in, it becomes easier, little by little.

Quote:

I have been trying for a year.

Work harder to do better things for yourself. I know its not easy, nothing you want in life is.