Ask Me Help Desk - How can I heal my wound?

Hi all of you

Before posting this I read some of the older posts here in this forum and I really found myself.I'm just going over the same situation.ill just summarize my story.

I am 24.I left my country 7 months ago. And there I left the person I loved more in my life and to be honest I still love even though she hurt me so much.I had 3 years with her.I was the first guy for her.I was her first kiss and her first love.Before I left my country I gave her a ring and promised her that I would come back soon.she just had to wait 9 months.To be honest I treated her as a princess, and I let her know how much I loved her and how much I cared for her.in a few words I gave her my heart and she just threw it away.I would really make her the most happy woman in this world but she didn't want to.1 month before after a discussion in the cell phone I offended her because she really made me nervous.(I didn't offend her so bad) I knew I made a mistake. I called her back to apologize to her but she didn't answer.I called her the next day.she answered and said me "i dont love you anymore".I couldn't believe my ears.it was a rainy day and I was feeling so upset that day because I was lonely far from my family, far from my friends, far from her. Living alone. Everything was going so bad for me in this new country and besides all of these, she dumped me. I really couldn't believe what she said. I called her back. I said her not to joke or provoke me because its not a game. She said she wasn't joking. She just didn't love me anymore. I tried again to call her because I was feeling unexplained, Lastly we spoke 1 month ago and I didn't call her back from that day.that day I phoned her and asked her if she loved another guy.and she said me "i just like another guy. i dont love him". I still didn't believe what she was saying but that time I had to accept the answer.I knew that nobody could help me. I begged her in God that I would never call her again for the rest of my life. And I will do so. My last words that I said to that girl were "Never leave someone you love for someone you like".2 weeks before I took another shock when I saw a photo of her with another guy in hi5.she seemed so happy on that photo like she never cared for me.I can't say that he is her new boyfriend, but I can say that photo shocked me so much. I couldn't see my princess near another guy. I'm just nervous, angry, confused,I'm just eating once a day. I don't know what I'm doing.every morning I wake up with a heart ache and hopeless.I really don't want to wake up but I know I have to.I don't wish that this thing happens to anyone, even to my worst enemy.I curse on the day I knew her, I curse on the day I loved her. I know that if I was in my country at the time this happened I would really hurt her for what she did me.somehow God protected me.

Sorry if I annoyed you with my story.I just wanted to express myself.I am really having a bad time.I described you my story,and I just want to have some opinions.what should I do?? should I move on and find another girl right now or should I wait some more time and than move on?? I don't really want to get in another relation because I don't want to break any heart if my princess comes back to me soon. But I can't stand this situation anymore.I think that maybe another girl can help me heal my wounds. I'm going crazy. Just put yourself in my situation. Tell me what would you do? Thank you so much.

Hi, _Someone_!

What country are you in and what country is she in, please?

Thanks!

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Makes me wonder if we ever knew these people! I would just leave her to do her own thing. It will be hard. But what I have learned is that if someone really does love you then they would never EVER want to hurt you.

She has just proven that there was no love on her side. I'm sorry. I hope you do find that person who can truly be your princess.

Try to move on, leave that hurtful person behind, it will be very hard, I know. I'm doing it now.

I don't think moving on to another girl so soon is a good idea, help yourself first.

Ask god to give you strength.

Good luck

Time... time... and more time. Did I mention time? :)

Welcome to AMHD. It is a life saver for guys like us. It is very painful to go through, but you are in a company of thousands in your same position.

Best thing to do, honestly, is let the emotions run through you for awhile, enough to where eventually you get tired of thinking about it. After that, work on yourself. I am sure you are in another country for better opportunity, so realize that you have so many other goals to attain and have a lot to live for. Keep looking up!

Good luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by kctiger

Time...time...and more time. Did I mention time? :)

Welcome to AMHD. It is a life saver for guys like us. It is very painful to go through, but you are in a company of thousands in your same position.

Best thing to do, honestly, is let the emotions run through you for awhile, enough to where eventually you get tired of thinking about it. After that, work on yourself. I am sure you are in another country for better opportunity, so realize that you have so many other goals to attain and have a lot to live for. Keep looking up!

Good luck!

Your advice is right. kctigers always spot on:)

I feel for you, and as bad as it seems, it will get better if you leave her alone, as you learn to cope with your loss.

Obviously she couldn't, or wouldn't wait those 9 months, and has gone in a different direction than the one you want. Her feelings were not as strong as you thought, and that happens.

Its up to you to give yourself a chance to heal, and regroup, and as KC said so well, let time do its thing.

Sorry for your loss but accept your freedom, and make your life happy without her.

Read the stickies here and know that No Contact, is the way to go!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clough

Hi, _Someone_!

What country are you in and what country is she in, please?

Thanks!

Hi Clough
I don't think that the country is so important in my situation.what if I tell you the country? Sorry man I don't mean to offend you but I would like to have an answer to my question ,not another question... sorry

Quote:

Originally Posted by MiSSsy111222

im sorry for what you are going through. makes me wonder if we ever knew these people! i would just leave her to do her own thing. it will be hard. but what i have learned is that if someone really does love you then they would never EVER want to hurt you.

she has just proven that there was no love on her side. im sorry. i hope you do find that person who can truley be your princess.

try to move on, leave that hurtful person behind, it will be very hard, i know. im doing it now.

i dont think moving on to another girl so soon is a good idea, help yourself first.

Ask god to give you strength.

good luck

Thank you for your answer

I think that she really doesn't care for me.Like you said she would never hurt me if she loved me.But I'm still not ready to accept it. She really found the right moment to do that.The moment I am all alone and I don't have anyone near to help me.I know everything was planned before I left my country because love can not disappear so surprisingly like it never existed.I really believe in God and I have always done. Whatever His decision is ill respect it.
Im so sorry for you too.But you see ,you are not alone

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clough
Hi, _Someone_!

What country are you in and what country is she in, please?

Thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by _Someone_

Hi Clough
I don't think that the country is so important in my situation.what if I tell you the country? Sorry man I don't mean to offend you but I would like to have an answer to my question ,not another question... sorry

Hi again, _Someone_!

The reason that I asked the question, was in order to get some idea as to the distance between the two of you, because if you're really far apart from one another, it could affect how those coming along to answer your question might answer your question. I was just trying to set up the question for the answers to be most beneficial to you.

Thanks!

Thank you friends.

I know the right thing is time. Time is the best medicine for every problem.I really agree with you. I'm just having a hard time now because I also miss my family and my friends.
I don't understand why some girls have to be so stupid. She had everything she wanted in me, and she was my little princess.couldnt she realize that I was a good person, and I really would care for her forever.I would give her even my last breath. Is it so hard to understand these simple words girls??
She is so stupid that she posts photos of her sitting in another guy's lap and smiling.I don't know what she wants to achieve with this!! Does she want me to show her my bad side.she is just making things worse for herself because I'm going back to my country and I will degenerate her and I'm not going to have mercy on her.I hope ill change my mind about this but she deserves it. She dumped me when I needed her more.I never did this and I would never do it.
I feel I'm forgetting her everyday more and more and regretting every single day I spent with her.im just waiting for that special morning when ill feel better and be ready to go out and find my real princess...

Thank you so much
I appreciate your help

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clough

Hi again, _Someone_!

The reason that I asked the question, was in order to get some idea as to the distance between the two of you, because if you're really far apart from one another, it could affect how those coming along to answer your question might answer your question. I was just trying to set up the question for the answers to be most beneficial to you.

Thanks!

OK Clough

I live in US and she lives in Europe right now.we are 10 hours by plane away from each other.too far away.still its not a reason to explain the fact that she found another guy.sorry for my first answer.I know you just want to help.thank you.

She had a void to fill, and the relationship was not as strong as you thought. It happens.

It's not really worth thinking about. That is her coping mechanism, and she used it. Her reactions to the break up and how she handled herself don't really have any relevant point on your life...

The more you wonder about the "why" of her reactions, the less you heal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by _Someone_

Thank you for your answer

I think that she really doesnt care for me.Like you said she would never hurt me if she loved me.But im still not ready to accept it. She really found the right moment to do that.The moment i am all alone and i dont have anyone near to help me.I know everything was planned before i left my country because love can not disappear so surprisingly like it never existed.I really believe in God and i have always done. Whatever His decision is ill respect it.
Im so sorry for you too.But you see ,you are not alone

Reality hurts I know,
In time you will accept what has happened and you will feel many emotions. It is truly a horrible thing to go through.

Your not alone now you have us and we have all been through similier problems

Remember everything happens for a reason,

[QUOTE=_Someone_;1481887]Thank you friends.

I don't understand why some girls have to be so stupid. She had everything she wanted in me, and she was my little princess.couldnt she realize that I was a good person, and I really would care for her forever.I would give her even my last breath. Is it so hard to understand these simple words girls??

Ill feel better and be ready to go out and find my real princess...

Some people are blind, they never realize what they have got. Stupid people! She has lost a good man. HER LOSS

Maybe she has done you a favour? You can now go out and find that person who appreciates your love,

Forget the princess, go and find your QUEEN.

2 threads merged

Hello everyone
It has been about 50 days that I didn't have contact with my girlfriend at all. She dumped me when I was alone immigrant in another country, and there were no friends or family to help me pass this break up. I have been with her for 3 years. I gave her all my love and I was getting prepared to get engaged with her very soon(and she was the one that wanted us to get engaged and I accepted because I loved her).she seemed happy about everything.I really didn't notice anything strange in her behaviour that could make me doubt at her.she didn't have to wait too much to see me again. I would have come back to my country very soon. I was very surprised!! Really I could never imagine this to happen because I never did anything to hurt her.I couldn't imagine she could do this to me anytime, but it happened and everyday I'm getting used more and more to this idea,that she wasn't meant to be with me.this love story ended up with these words "i dont love you anymore, i like another guy". It was hard very hard for me to accept these words. They were like a knife in my heart and every time I remember them I start trembling from anger. I can't hold my anger. I continued hitting the gym harder and harder every single day. It makes me feel better and make me relax for some hours. But still when the morning comes again, as soon as I wake up and open my eyes I feel overloaded with anger.she could have dumped me for any other reason but not for another guy. I feel like I want to kill her.dumping me for another guy, really offended my personality.sometimes I think:how can a person be so heartless? if she didn't love me why did she have to wait 3 years to say it to me?in this time I could have found a girl that really loved me. Do these dumpers have to pass things so easy, just break a heart and leave like nothing happened? No way I think. What do you think.is this phase I'm going through normal? will it pass? I don't want to do anything bad but I can see that I can't really manage my anger. Just the idea makes me nervous, imagine when ill see her.what do you recommend me to do?

Get help.

There is also a book called the "4 Agreements" which teach you four basic principles to live by, one of them being, do not take anything personally, as it destroys your inner soul (You could read up on the 7 deadly sins as well). It is all right to be angry, but to waste your anger towards physical violence, or the thought of it, is when it becomes a problem.

Working out isn't enough to channel your anger, so you must find other ways of doing this. It is good motivation, and NOTHING more. Don't let it destroy you.

I would also like to point out that this is a "phase." There are four stages of grief, with anger being one of them, so I would Google it if I were you, as it is a typical step in the grieving process.

As from KBC the five stages of grief are:denial and isolation,
Anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

You have to know and learned that some people don't care. They don't care about you or your feeling they only car about themselve. And some people don't have a conscience.

You need to get over your ex and don't worry about why she did what she did because she only knows why. She wasn't a match for you so move on and let her go because you don't deserve her. You deserve better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by liz28

As from KBC the five stages of grief are:denial and isolation,
anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

You have to know and learned that some people don't care. They don't care about you or your feeling they only car about themselve. And some people don't have a conscience.

You need to get over your ex and don't worry about why she did what she did because she only knows why. She wasn't a match for you so move on and let her go because you don't deserve her. You deserve better.

So you are saying I have 2 more stages to go through until I reach acceptance. :eek: ouuuu no. terrible. Thank you for your answer.