Ask Me Help Desk - How do I get sole custody?

I desperately need to find out how to get sole custody of my daughter who is going to be 1 year old next month. My husband has a history of alcohol and drug abuse, has been to jail over this, in and out of rehab, felony charges for this and other issues, arrested with a known prosititute in his car a couple of years back, etc, etc. He has left her in the car alone to go into a Speedway station to get a fountain drink... this was in January when it was freezing outside! I don't know if he left the car running with the keys inside, or locked it and left her in there with no heat at all! :mad: He is also very verbally/mentally abusive and has anger management issues. He has never been responsible for anything in his life, never owned his own home, always lived off other people. I didn't know a lot of this until after we were married. I have wanted to leave him for a while now but was told by an attorney that I would be 'stuck with visitation' before she really even knew the whole story. He has never really cared for our daughter, if she is not in a generally 'happy' mood he 'can't handle it' and gives her to me or has actually walked up/down our sidewalk looking for someone who was outside to take her. There is just no way I could feel comfortable with visitation for him to take her for the day or a weekend. I would be totally a mess until she was back with me! I just don't feel like I can leave him without knowing I would be able to get sole custody. Can anyone please help me on this? I desperately need to find out the answers on what to do.

Sorry there are no guarantees. The best I think you can hope for is supervised visitation.

Comments on this post
mic521 disagrees: There has to be some way to get sole custody in a situation like this...

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

You for our opinions on your chances of getting sole custody. I gave you my opinion based on my knowledsge of family court proceedings. Since this was an aopinion giving a negative comment was not appropriate.

Now, if you asked a different question about what you should do, I would have answered differently.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mic521

I desperately need to find out how to get sole custody of my daughter who is going to be 1 year old next month..

Hello mic:

It matters NOT how desperate you are. It only matters what a judge will say. Your desperation is NOT part of his decision making process...

In fact, when you view your situation through THAT process, I suggest that you'll NEVER get sole custody...

The MAIN reason is that most mothers who find themselves IN a situation where their child was in constant danger, as you say your daughter is, would have put an end to the DANGER by leaving... You haven't left yet.

The judge is going to wonder why. I do too. You only SAY that he's abusive, but you haven't DONE anything about it... If the abuse is as bad as you say, most mothers would have left. You didn't. That would make a judge think the abuse is only an excuse. In this case, your actions speak much louder than your words.

Next about the drug abuse... You're still there. What's up with that? A judge is going to want to know why.

Nope. I don't think you have a case AT ALL.

excon

Quote:

Originally Posted by excon

Hello mic:

It matters NOT how desperate you are. It only matters what a judge will say. Your desperation is NOT part of his decision making process...

In fact, when you view your situation through THAT process, I suggest that you'll NEVER get sole custody...

The MAIN reason is that most mothers who find themselves IN a situation where their child was in constant danger, as you say your daughter is, would have put an end to the DANGER by leaving.... You haven't left yet.

The judge is going to wonder why. I do too. You only SAY that he's abusive, but you haven't DONE anything about it... If the abuse is as bad as you say, most mothers would have left. You didn't. That would make a judge think the abuse is only an excuse. In this case, your actions speak much louder than your words.

Next about the drug abuse.... You're still there. What's up with that? A judge is gonna want to know why.

Nope. I don't think you have a case AT ALL.

excon

My husband was only emotionally abusive and as soon as he displayed that behavior in front of our infant son, I left. But even in a case where his mental instability (bipolar disorder) was documented, he got visitation. So even if you've shown that things are bad enough to walk away, you may still need to share visitation with the unstable parent. So unfortunately, even if she had left, he still would have ended up with some kind of visitation.

To the original poster:
Hopefully you can still push for supervised visitation. But I would strongly suggest that you not make it sound like you want to cut him out completely. Because if you make it sound like you would not foster a relationship between them (albeit a supervised and carefully monitored one) then you will not get sole legal and physical custody. And just from my minuscule experience in divorce, that is probably the best you can hope for in this situation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mic521

I desperately need to find out how to get sole custody of my daughter who is going to be 1 year old next month. My husband has a history of alcohol and drug abuse, has been to jail over this, in and out of rehab, felony charges for this and other issues, arrested with a known prosititute in his car a couple of years back, etc, etc. He has left her in the car alone to go into a Speedway station to get a fountain drink....this was in January when it was freezing outside! I don't know if he left the car running with the keys inside, or locked it and left her in there with no heat at all!! :mad: He is also very verbally/mentally abusive and has anger management issues. He has never been responsible for anything in his life, never owned his own home, always lived off of other people. I didn't know alot of this until after we were married. I have wanted to leave him for a while now but was told by an attorney that I would be 'stuck with visitation' before she really even knew the whole story. He has never really cared for our daughter, if she is not in a generally 'happy' mood he 'can't handle it' and gives her to me or has actually walked up/down our sidewalk looking for someone who was outside to take her. There is just no way I could feel comfortable with visitation for him to take her for the day or a weekend. I would be totally a mess until she was back with me! I just don't feel like I can leave him without knowing I would be able to get sole custody. Can anyone please help me on this?? I desperately need to find out the answers on what to do.

Sorry, chances of getting sole custody can't be guaranteed. It's all up to the judge.

My brother-in-law's ex-wife actually beat up their 11-year-old about 2 months ago; this poor kid had 2 black eyes, his face was swollen, etc. CPS took the kids, placed them with their dad for about a week, and back with Mommy they went. Nothing is guaranteed and it certainly isn't fair.