I do not want to be a member of this world. Not in a depressed way, but this world is just so boring in the grand scheme of things. I am not attached to anyone or anything and everything makes too much sense. I do not believe that this is enlightenment because enlightened people usually know what is going on, especially with themselves and are generally happy to be a piece of the big picture. I feel that I have no heart and that my soul is bitter. Any ideas how I might be able to fix this or maybe even find out what it is?

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Originally Posted by malenymph13

I do not want to be a member of this world. Not in a depressed way, but this world is just so boring in the grand scheme of things. I am not attached to anyone or anything and everything makes too much sense. I do not believe that this is enlightenment because enlightened people usually know what is going on, especially with themselves and are generally happy to be a piece of the big picture. I feel that I have no heart and that my soul is bitter. Any ideas how I might be able to fix this or maybe even find out what it is?

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You have posted before that you are gay, which has caused you to have no friends and pretty much be ostracized.

At that time people gave you some good advice - look outside yourself. Volunteer, feel better about yourself.

Dear JudyKayTee,

I felt ostricized by other boys, not ostracized in general. I have plenty of friends and am loved. I do volunteer and look outside myself but I find myself not to care what happens to others. I try to care and I try to do good but I always find myself saying, "What's the point?" People just don't matter to me as nothing in this world does.

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Originally Posted by malenymph13

I do not want to be a member of this world. Not in a depressed way, but this world is just so boring in the grand scheme of things. I am not attached to anyone or anything and everything makes too much sense. I do not believe that this is enlightenment because enlightened people usually know what is going on, especially with themselves and are generally happy to be a piece of the big picture. I feel that I have no heart and that my soul is bitter. Any ideas how I might be able to fix this or maybe even find out what it is?

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You sound like you have the "it doesn't matter" type of depression. I know of which I speak. Depression doesn't always show its self as sadness or being blue. Or having crying jags. A VERY STRONG symptom of depression is boredom. You feel like "what's the use", nothing gives you pleasure, you feel you have nothing to look forward to. It's too much an effort to come out of your shell. Basically, you just want to sit and stare or sleep. How am I doing? I have felt the same as you at times in my life. Getting on anti-depressants is the best thing I've ever done. It is like a light came on in my head, and I had interest in joining this world again. PLEASE see a doctor about this. You don't have to feel this way. Do you feel like you are heavy hearted and lack energy and are just dragging your feet?

It is not enlightenment, because that is a feeling of freedom. Freedom from all the voices in your head. Freedom from your ego.

I wish you better days:)

I think the problem is that you feel the world doesn't have anything to offer you and you are bored with it.

The truth is what do you have to offer the world? We only receive when we give, if we take or expect things all our life nothing will fill that void.

You said that you are loved; but the trick in life is to love the people, places and things in your life. To see the positive, to count your blessings, to see the cup as half full rather than half empty.

I know you've been though a lot and don't feel you owe anything to anyone, but your own salvation into a happy life is what you put into others either through action or simple kind and loving thoughts.

Give of your heart, and it will fill beyond your wildest dreams. Expect your heart to be filled and it will always be empty.

You are worth it, learn to love your life and the people, places and things in it. You can start with an attitude of gratitude. Simply write down 5 things each day you are grateful for (even if you don't fully feel it). Remember WRITE THEM DOWN and do this for 3 weeks and I guarantee you feel a little better about your life; if not I will refund your misery ;)

I'd have to agree that it does sound a bit like some forms of depression. My wife told me an interesting story this morning: There was an old blind man who was being moved into a room at an assisted living facility. The nurse took him to the room and said, "Let me show you around."

But as he stepped across the doorway, he exclaimed, "I love it!!"

"Huh?" Asked the nurse. "How can you love it? You don't know anything about it yet, how big it is or where anything is, anything? So how can you love it?"

The man explained: "I love it because I choose to love it. I decided to this morning. I knew I would be coming here and I made up my mind that I would love it."

Anyway, you might find the book Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl to be helpful. Frankl talks about finding meaning, and the freedom to choose one's attitude, one's response, even if all other freedoms are taken away. He made up his theories while a prisoner in Auschwitz, so he has some street cred on subjects like suffering and meaninglessness and absurdity.

Your words also remind me of Chapter 20 of the Tao Te Ching (here's a link: Tao Te Ching - Lao Tzu - chapter 20).

Anyway, it couldn't hurt to talk to a good holistic counselor about this (ideally one who reads Frankl and Lao Tzu, or maybe Richard Bach!). Maybe it is depression that is keeping you from seeing the magic and delight of this multifaceted world. Or maybe you aren't a member of this world. What is the world that you are (or want to be) a member of? Can you tell us about it?

Blessings on your journey.

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Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

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- Abraham Lincoln