Without a lot of background - I don't date, don't want to date, haven't dated, still wear my wedding rings. At a "must go to" holiday party I met someone, a widower, was very clear to him that I am not interested, nothing to do with him, everything to do with me.

Well, he called me last night, fairly late (if it matters). I have no problem with phone sex if both parties agree. I've certainly had the "tell me what you're wearing" conversation.

BUT this guy is (as he put it) into feet and shoes/boots - particularly stilettos which I apparently was wearing when we met. He realizes I don't date but wondered if he could call me occasionally to talk feet/shoes/boots. He also wanted to know if he could have my old shoes/boots or if he could buy me shoes/boots which I would wear and then give to him. This guy is a Doctor so I can only assume he was drunk because he's got a reputation at stake here and I'm pretty much a stranger.

The answer all of his questions is no but it got me wondering.

How common are fetishes? I found the whole conversation to be most uncomfortable. I have no interest in this guy at all but would anyone else date someone with a fetish to this extent?

(I like to be there when I'm having sex and I get the feeling with this guy that that is not a necessity as long as my shoes have no other plans!)

Hello Judy:

Everybody has fetishes... Me, for example. When I take panties off the girl, I have to put them on my head in order to get off...

Ok, that's not true...

Don't you think there are women who are the counterpart of the shoe fetishee?? Maybe she gets off thinking about him getting off in her shoes... I don't know.

I think women have a lot of stuff going on with their shoes. I used to sell women's shoes. Boy, was that a GOOD job.

excon

Some very rich guys have foot/shoe fetishes. At least they can afford their fantasies. Very common, very common.

I would agree I think we all have some at some level.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by excon

Hello Judy:

Everybody has fetishes... Me, for example. When I take panties off the girl, I have to put them on my head in order to get off...

Ok, that's not true...

Don't you think there are women who are the counterpart of the shoe fetishee??? Maybe she gets off thinking about him getting off in her shoes... I dunno.

I think women have a lot of stuff going on with their shoes. I used to sell womens shoes. Boy, was that a GOOD job.

excon

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Oh, too funny - good thing, then, that I don't wear panties. Whoops - didn't mean to say that. And, yes, I didn't think of it in those terms but he is the fetishee and I am the fetishor. Or is it the other way around?

And, no, I don't know any women who get off thinking about men getting off in their shoes.

And, yes, I've heard the whole shoe sales/mirrors to try shoes on/women experience is very satisfying.

Perhaps you missed the part where he's calling me late at night, to discuss stiletto heels while breathing heavily? :)

Fetishes I think as others have said are very common, some people I guess are more open to things than others.

I guess it takes all sorts to make the world go round. I think if someone phoned me out of the blue like the call you had, I would be adding them to my caller block straight away.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Perhaps you missed the part where he's calling me late at night, to discuss stiletto heels while breathing heavily? :)

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Hello again, Jude:

And, you gave him your number why? Cause he's a doctor?? What kind? A podiatrist (snicker, snicker)?

Look, gimme your number and let me test this out. I'm willing to explore my sexuality. Who knows? I might discover something about myself (or your shoes).

Do they have reallllly high heels?? Spikey kinds?? Really? OMG! I'm a fetishee!

excon

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Perhaps you missed the part where he's calling me late at night, to discuss stiletto heels while breathing heavily? :)

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Now, I think that is a little weird. You just met him. He wants to smell the shoes you wear... that's what it sounds like.

Just a little weird. Something that would be more comfortable if you knew the person a little better :)

I agree Judy. I wouldn't be so worried about the fetish, although I don't know if I'd be comfortable with it. Or maybe I would, who knows! But I really would be uncomfortable with the fact that he only met you once, at a party, and called you late at night and gave it up right away. That is strange. You would think most people would kind of ease into a subject like that. Maybe it's just me, but it gives me the creeps. Like I said, not necessarily because of the fetish, but because he really doesn't even know you!

On the other hand, how long would he let you keep the shoes and boots after he bought them for you? You could tell him that you really want to get your scent on them, so you would have to wear them several times before he bought you the next pair! Tell him you like Manola Blonaks, and tell him to keep them coming! No pun intended! LOL!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by excon

Hello again, Jude:

And, you gave him your number why?? Cause he's a doctor??? What kind? A podiatrist (snicker, snicker)?

Look, gimme your number and lemme test this out. I'm willing to explore my sexuality. Who knows? I might discover something about myself (or your shoes).

Do they have reallllly high heels??? Spikey kinds??? Really?? OMG! I'm a fetishee!

excon

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No, I didn't give him my number. I'm listed and he must have looked it up. We were introduced so I'm sure he "caught" my last name. <snicker, snicker right back at you>

He may not have a bad idea here - I don't know how much you've spent on "wimmin" over the years but you could have just bought a nice pair of stilettos with possibly better (and 100% guaranteed) results.

Don't want to get you too excited here but, yes, they have really high heels, spikey heels - and gladiator straps! Sort of a high heel bondage type of shoe. The Attorney who held the party asked me if they came with a whip, as a matter of fact.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

I agree Judy. I wouldn't be so worried about the fetish, although I don't know if I'd be comfortable with it. Or maybe I would, who knows! But I really would be uncomfortable with the fact that he only met you once, at a party, and called you late at night and gave it up right away. That is strange. You would think most people would kind of ease into a subject like that. Maybe it's just me, but it gives me the creeps. Like I said, not necessarily because of the fetish, but because he really doesn't even know you!

On the other hand, how long would he let you keep the shoes and boots after he bought them for you? You could tell him that you really want to get your scent on them, so you would have to wear them several times before he bought you the next pair! Tell him you like Manola Blonaks, and tell him to keep em coming!! No pun intended!! LOL!

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Why didn't I think of that? How long do I get to keep them before he takes them away and does he bring them back? And are they still wearable?

No comment on the keep 'em coming line. No comment at all.

I just thought it was remarkably creepy. Maybe he was so straight forward because I'll never see him again so there would be no opportunity to ease into the conversation. For example, he couldn't suddenly fall to his knees and worship my shoes in a restaurant, at which point I would ask what's going on.

A picture of him doing goodness knows what to my shoes is burned into my brain.

I emailed my best friend who wrote back simply and clearly and nothing else: "Send photo of shoes." And I'm not kidding.

OH, God, I went out with a guy a couple of times who had a shoe fetish, stilettos. The last night I saw him he brought over the highest high heels I ever saw, all black and shiny, and asked if I would wear them.

Nope, end of it!

Anyway, I don't think that there are lots of people with fetishes... ritualized sex of sorts that involve an inanimate object such as shoes, diapers, blah blah blah.

I say don't cheapen yourself by having phone sex with a virtural stranger. No quality woman is that desperate!!

Best wishes, :)

Fetishes are waaaaaaaay more common than most people realize.

Don't any of you read Savage Love? ;)

Actually, according to Wiki (and yes, I know that Wiki is not necessarily the BEST source out there for good, exact research information), in a 20 year study only 48 cases of fetishism turned up.

Anyway--the problem here really wasn't his fetish: it was his etiquette. You don't call a stranger up (late at night or not!) and ask them to indulge your fetish.

A fetish, technically, is a form of paraphilia (love of objects) or form of partialism (liking the body part more than the person whose part it is). Foot and shoe fetishes are some of the more common versions.

The thing is: A person can have a preference for a particular look, body part, or type of clothing/shoe without it being a fetish. My husband is a boob man. He admits it. His favorite part of a woman's body just happens to be her chest. That's not a fetish--that's a preference. If it were a fetish, he would NEED the boobs to get off. He'd need them in specific outfits or bras. He'd need them to do all sorts of kinky things to (the term I want to use would edited out--use your imagination!).

I would think your gentleman caller (and I use the term gentleman loosely) DEFINITELY has a fetish if he's obsessed enough with your shoes to call you, a virtual stranger, and ask you to indulge his preference.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Choux

I say don't cheapen yourself by having phone sex with a virtural stranger. No quality woman is that desperate!!!

Best wishes, :)

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Whoa! I never said I was considering phone sex or was desperate! I think you've read something into this that I never intended.

Why do you think I need advice on how not to be/appear cheap or why I am desperate?

Hopefully you didn't mean it that way but I feel patronized.

I agree with the other posting above - this guys etiquette was well off -

I also think making the phone call in the way he did may also be another one of this guys fetishes.

Myself I would just tell him to go to Ebay if he called back, and knock his soxs off with what he could get on there.

Speaking of some men being "boob men," there is a difference between men that just have a preference for that body part, and someone who has a boob fettish. My ex had a boob fettish/obsession! It got to the point where it interfered in our so called relationship. His relationship was not with me! It WAS with my boobs. If I showed up without a lot of cleavage, he wouldn't even know that I was in the room. We would go to the supermarket, or out to dinner at a classy restaurant, or anywhere in public or private (didn't matter) and he would want me to flash him. He would also ask me to put strange things on them and do weird things with them. If I wouldn't do it, he would through tantrums. Which means he threw A lot of tantrums! I know there are A lot of boob men, but he went totally overboard with it and had no interest in sex if he didn't have boobs in his face.

Did I just say all of that outloud? Lol

Judy, let me guess. The gladiator shoes have now been relegated to the back of your closet probably never to see the light of day for a looong, loooong time. Gee, no wonder he called as he was obviously obsessing over these goodies for quite a while and just HAD to call you up to make sure they were still okay. (This is another reason I don't go to the doctors. Now you have given me one more reason not to go. Now I'll have to be absolutely dead before I go now instead of only half dead.)

Sell him the shoes Judy, you could make a bundle. ;)

This man has a fetish, that's fine, but calling up a virtual stranger in the middle of the night and expecting her to indulge his fetish, well, that's not okay. Block his number, do it now, I'll wait, go on, do it! ;)

My ex had a shoe fetish, wouldn't go out with me unless I was wearing patent leather high heels. I don't wear heels, I'm 5'11" tall, I don't need to be taller. That relationship didn't last long because I refused to indulge him, and he wouldn't, or couldn't, let it go.

Run Judy, don't walk, to your nearest exit and don't forget to block that number!

Most people have a fetish about something... few people discuss them with others however. And its bizarre for a guy to bring it up cold turkey with a woman he hardley knows.

But if you are fine with it... sell him you old shoes... for a good price and use that money to buy new shoes you might not have had money for otherwise... as long as you aren't physically involved then its basically harmless.

I'm not going to play down the "drunk card"... we all have done something, or seen someone do something that they wouldn't do "normally" after a few too many...

But I also don't discount the guy who will just swing to see if he makes contact. I understand Mr MD has a reputation to uphold, but perhaps the party, a bar, etc is just the perfect excuse to take a wild swing and see what happens.

Had a friend who, after meeting a guy in a bar, dancing, talking, exchanging numbers, got a phone pic of his penis suddenly just a few days into knowing him.

Now...

She was shocked. Surprised. Taken back.

He sent another.

When she talked to me I asked her why they were still in her phone and why his number wasn't blocked... she didn't want to admit it, but as much as it put her off, it also kept her wondering on some strange level.

My take was that he might have tried that before somewhere along the way and had great success. Or he might have had a lover who liked that and he thought he'd learned some secret little trick to engaging a woman. I don't know. How many "no's" does it take to make the one "yes" not worth it? I think some guys are more than willing to take a lot of rejection to find that one enthusiastic response.

Silly little personal snippet. My first big love was my first love. HS, college, first year med school. For some reason, when we lived hours apart, she loved to talk sex with me until I became hard and then shed beg me to smack the darn thing against the phone.

It was the silliest thing, I swear. Even sillier doing it than reading about it. But she liked it and it kept her talking naughty things to me. Mkay. Sold. Done.

Now... I never tried to use this to woo any other lover. Did I just say "woo"? Wow.

Anyway... if there's any personal fetish I've stated repeatedly it's the voyeur fetish and undressing fetish... meaning I absolutely love watching my lover undress. And when she's undressed in front of our back window, knowing id see her, or when she's showered but left the bathroom door open so I could see her, its powerful stuff.

Yes, I love being in the shower with her. Like being in the same room with her when she is changing. But id rather take one great picture of her, naked, wrapped around a pillow or in a clinging blanket in the early morning light than see a thousand xx pics.

As for shoes/boots/stilettos... I'm a fan of nice shoes, and I've loved it when a lover was responsive to foot play... which usually has two completely different camps... those who don't like any play (nibbles) at their feet at all and then those who are greatly responsive.

I think alty hates it (am I right) and I don't remember if synn does...

One lover just loved it, and I think it made me pay a lot more attention to a woman's legs through kissing and sensual touch... at least that wasn't a complete waste of a relationship, eh? (thus concludes the Bitter Moment of the day)