I've kind of been browsing around and have seen some fantastic advice so I thought I'd post my issue. My boyfriend and I have lived together for a year now. Although we have faced a ton of stress over the year we very rarely fight but instead to always manage to talk about our problems and face them together. (His ex inlaws lied in court and took custody of his daughter while she was visiting them out of state in Feb, I filed for bankruptcy in April, he has been out of a job since his company went out of business in August, so we know our share of stress)
4 days ago he decided to tell me that although he loves me our time is over and it's time to move on. After a bit of talking he finally told me he's not happy with himself and needs some time to work on him. He chose to not split up but instead he would go to his dads (an hour away) for a couple weeks to sort things out. To support him I offered to take him there (we only have one car) which I did 2 days ago. We talked once today and he sounds okay and says he loves me. Is this behavior normal? Other than letting him go and not hounding on him to come home, what else can I do to show support? I've read what to do when a guy dumps you and how to get his attention back but what about when you're still together and just taking a "break"?

I don't think he made the right choice, but there's nothing you can do about that. Just be supportive for him and let him know you're there for him. You guys are facing tough times and that means you have to be strong for each other. Try to become financially stable first, and then try to advance your possible relationship.

While I understand his feelings right now, his actions are not what I call coping well at this time. I think you should give him PLENTY of space, and actually let him contact you. Not easy, but you can stay busy by getting your own act together for yourself.

How old are you and how long was he separated from his female and child before you two got together?

He may be depressed, or grieving all his losses, which are substantial.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

While I understand his feelings right now, his actions are not what I call coping well at this time. I think you should give him PLENTY of space, and actually let him contact you. Not easy, but you can stay busy by getting your own act together for yourself.

How old are you and how long was he separated from his female and child before you two got together?

He may be depressed, or grieving all his losses, which are substantial.

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I am 32 he is 28. His last relationship was a year before we met and his divorce was 2 years before that. He has full custody of his daughter but last December he took her to see her grandparents and they played really dirty pool and got temp custody in another state. He has a lawyer down there who has been working on getting it overturned since there was legal custody already here (they lied and said he lived in their state and said he was still married, both are incorrect). And it's now been a little over a year since he saw his daughter.

He does have important business to tend to, so let him.

So it's okay to let him do his thing for a couple weeks, take a break as we have been calling it without splitting up? I invited him to come home for dinner Sunday night, he said he'd let me know but I have heard nothing from him since yesterday morning. Do I just ride it out? If I don't hear from him do I just let it go without making an issue and let him come around on his own time? Any tips or advice would help, I'm pretty lost as what to do to help him without pushing him.

You do what you need to for you and your own life, and leave his alone. This is not the time to try and bond, or help someone that has to help himself, and it truly is a big red flag that he hasn't reached out for your support. Leave him alone, that simple. As to the relationship, what relationship? Your waiting on what if, and maybe.

Just because there is no official break up, doesn't mean you aren't broken up. Be real, sure looks like your broken up to me. He is not there physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and does he call, and keep in touch??

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Just because their is no official break up, doesn't mean you aren't broken up. Be real, sure looks like your broken up to me. He is not there physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and does he call, and keep in touch???

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Maybe you're right and actually this is my big fear. I just thought since he said it was just temporary and just a break and was talking about when he comes home that there was hope. He's very blunt and straight forward I have a hard time believing that if he wasn't coming home he would have just said that.

Judge by fact, and reality, not by words, and presumptions, or assuming. Look out for yourself, not him.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Judge by fact, and reality, not by words, and presumptions, or assuming. Look out for yourself, not him.

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So while it looks like he is depressed (and has every reason to be) I'm suppose to turn my back on him?

Your not turning your back on him, your giving him time, and space to deal with his issues, while you deal with yours.

If you're the one who always initiates anything, that's a red flag. If his actions don't match his words that's a red flag.
Moving out, and not keeping in touch is a red flag.
Needing space, and not the support of your partner, is a red flag.

I understand your wanting to give him support, but why live in limbo, and not do what you need to do for you to succeed?

I agree with Tal, as much as it hurts move on. Let him contact you, sounds like he is going through a lot with his daughter, and it seems like he has to find himself. He does sound very depressed. Sometimes people push away the people they care so much about. But don't put your life on hold. Let him make the moves, you live your life, and just be supportive, and let him think.