I want to show my Ex that I am a fun and exciting person, just as I used to be before we got together. My question is this: should I ask him to go fishing with me? Shortly after starting our relationship, I never teased him or flirted with him. I realize that I should have been doing that all along. If I ask him out to the activity, I want to tease and flirt with him to see if there is anything there. By "anything there," I mean any vestiges of the feelings he once had for me, so that I could fan them into flames of desire/love again. Whenever I find a guy I like, I clam up. This is a problem of mine. I realize that whenever I like a guy, I become incredibly shy. So I want to tease and flirt with him to see what could happen.

Note: This activity will happen after the No Contact period as prescribed by the stickies and administrators.

As much as I hope that my situation is unique and hopeful, I know that it is ultimately not. We broke up, and I should move onto bettering myself. However, I'm not sure how many people somehow end up in a relationship if they've never flirted or teased the other person before. Also, we are young and this was our first relationship with anyone ever.

My boyfriend and I started dating soon after meeting each other. We didn't really get to know each other beforehand. We'd only talked over the phone. Later, we didn't get to see much of each other because of school and work. However, when we did go out, it was late on a Saturday evening. Suddenly, we had the same routine every time we met. We ate dinner and watched a movie. We were stuck in a rut, but this was our first relationship. Eventually, we broke up, but we never had any real fights. What happened? Could we have saved the relationship?

I wouldn't. I would move on if I were you. I understand how you feel, but clearly NC hasn't worked for you, as you have done it in a way to eventually get your ex back.

You can give it a shot, but my advice, learn from the past, and make a better future. Leave the past in the past, including your ex.

No. NC is not meant to "win back" an ex. NC is a method used to heal and move forward in life.

I would not recommend any activities with the ex for the foreseeable future. You need to be 100% over them before you can initiate any sort of friendship.

That may or may not ever happen...

If you still have feeling for this guy and you go out with him, all of the emotions and pain associated with the break-up will flood back in to your mind, pretty much putting you right back where you started when everything happened in the first place.

You have to ask yourself... Do I really want to bring all of that pain back? You will if you still have any feelings for him.

The thing is, that he said that we were better off being friends. I believe it too. After we started dating, things just went downhill. We just weren't doing anything together. I'm hoping that we can have fun and exciting times together as more than friends now that we've had a break.

What am I trying to say/ask here?

I guess what I want to know now, is... Is "no contact" actually a means of giving up hope? I understand that "no contact" is a very useful way of forgetting about the ex and moving on... and leaving him in the past. But... is it advisable to try what you didn't do before? What I mean to say, is that I seriously didn't flirt with him or tease him in any way and I want to know if flirting and teasing would have helped at all.

NO CONTACT = an emotional detox for those that are "addicted" to the feeling or emotion of having their now significant other around. A way of clearing your head so, rather than acting on emotions, you act with rational thought and regard.

If he said you are better off as friends, I would assume he did not love you, and your feelings were a bit stronger than his. Leave it alone, in my opinion.

The ex is a ex for a reason

After the no contact period and after you realize why he's your ex (being the problems that each of you had. For example He does... You do... We did... )

It takes two to tango and whenever a relationship goes bad it's because there were problems on both sides

It sounds like you kind of want to win him back but I think when people go back to there ex they open themselves up to a yo-yo relationship

It sounds like you might need more time before you look at being friends with him

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by teastalk

The thing is, that he said that we were better off being friends. I believe it too. After we started dating, things just went downhill. We just weren't doing anything together. I'm hoping that we can have fun and exciting times together as more than friends now that we've had a break.

What am I trying to say/ask here?

I guess what I want to know now, is... Is "no contact" actually a means of giving up hope? I understand that "no contact" is a very useful way of forgetting about the ex and moving on... and leaving him in the past. But... is it advisable to try what you didn't do before? What I mean to say, is that I seriously didn't flirt with him or tease him in any way and I want to know if flirting and teasing would have helped at all.

---

"No contact" doesn't mean no hope. It just gives you time to sort through your emotions and thoughts. If find the problems you had with him you avoid this with your next relationship and have a more successful one.

It's just everyone needs time. Break ups have a tendency to hurt both sides.

I feel by doing this is your own way of trying to reach out to your Ex still and scream at them Love me and look at what we could be, and we should be together.

In any relationship be yourself and never be someone different to try and fit in, there are lots of different people out there and you will know when you meet the right one, your soul mate because you can be you as yourself and they will be them as themselves.

Break ups are hard, but you need to move on and have some fun and meet new people.

I've been trying to find it on the internet, but alas, I cannot. Does anyone happen to know of any educational link describing the percentages of exes who get back together?

If this was your only issue - then yes, absolutely, if both partners were able to COMMUNICATE the issue and ACT to change the pattern of behaviour.

But perhaps more importantly is the fact that you're probably fairly young, and one person ultimately got a restless or "grass-is-greener" mentality.

So you're trying to rationalize your chance of success. Word of advice, stop doing it, because you can't. Truth is, the vast majority of breakups are not reconciled and of those that are, most ultimately break again.

You are grasping at straws here my friend... Reminds me so much of myself when I was in your position, I recall searching for something quite similar... You aren't going to find those kind of figures... But I can tell from life experience, from myself and the people around me that the chances are VERY LOW. And like wolfgang said, even when people get back together they usually ultimately split anyway.

The percentage means nothing because people are different. And chances are, it's better to just move on.

I just got off the phone with a good mate of mine and he told me the story of his last relationship (he is now happier than ever with his new love). Without going into too much detail--they were together for 3 years, she went overseas for a semester and still kept in touch everyday. He went to see her and even stayed with her for a few months and all was fine. He goes back home and things start to cool down right away. She asks for a break but we all know what that means--she had met a guy and decided to replace him. Now, my mate is a great guy --our other friends and I always thought she was not good enough for him. So when she broke it off he was torn inside--feeling what we are going through now. He even recognized what step I was in now in the recovery process. After maybe a year or a bit less she comes back home permanently and initiates contact with my mate again. Sadly for her, he had enough time to heal and get the chick off her pedestal. He now knew what we always knew and didn't want to say to him--so as not to risk the friendship. She was not good enough and in many ways was even bad for him. She was holding him back and was carrying way too much baggage and negativity. She wanted him back pretty badly but he had moved on and was seeing another girl --the one he's with now-- and happily rejected her and even told her a few things he had bottled up inside. Today, he thinks his current girl is the best he's had. Maybe she is maybe she is not. The important thing is that the pain was replaced with happiness and he is with someone that loves and appreciates him more than she ever did.

The point of my story is this. There is a very small chance of getting back together with your ex---not all cases are the same and people are different. If you want your slight chance of getting together again than you need a looong time away from each other. Your mindset has to be that you will NOT get back together anyway, so best to move on. Going with NC will help you heal and regroup. You will learn, improve, and eventually you will be your old self again--more like a better version. She might finally realise what she's lost or find that the grass wasn't as green on the other side. IF you have any chance whatsoever of getting her back... well I guess this would be it, now the problem is, most of the time they only want you back when you've moved on. Love is pretty complicated isn't it?

I got back together with my ex... then we broke up again 6 years later. Second breakup was much more heart wrenching than the first.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by a la king

i got back together with my ex... then we broke up again 6 years later. second breakup was much more heart wrenching than the first.

---

And that's why people discourage it :(. To answer your first question though, there isn't a accurate count of the people who got back with the ex in recent years. I know from experience only 10% of the time they work but the 10% is when the break up was forced by circumstance, like one had to move and the other couldn't come with.

U know the saying, leave me once fool on you, leave me twice fool on me. When a relationship is broken up, its hard to put it back together. Think of a glass, once you break it, you can glue it back together hoping water won't spill out. Those marks will always be there, we just have to move on and cope with it. So your better off not waiting, because sometime I, myself wait for someone that I know I shouldn't.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tictac16

u know the saying, leave me once fool on you, leave me twice fool on me. when a relationship is broken up, its hard to put it back together. think of a glass, once you break it, you can glue it back together hoping water wont spill out. those marks will always be there, we just have to move on and cope with it. so your better off not waiting, because sometime i, myself wait for someone that i know i shouldnt.

---

Yes but it's always tempting to glue the vase back together and hope nobody notices rather than being honest with yourself

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Starbucks21

Yes but it's always tempting to glue the vase back together and hope nobody notices rather than being honest with yourself

---

I told Oliver not to play ball in the house :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MarkwithaK

I told Oliver not to play ball in the house :D

---

I was stubborn and I didn't listen...

Then got into a painful yo-yo relationship that really didn't work out at all in the end. The vase didn't hold water at all...