I've been with my boyfriend for a yr and a half. The first months the sex was great. After that nothing much happened. He became very stressed at work, that's been going on for a year. I've had a lot of patience understanding his situation. We have a lot of fun together and communicate well about problems (or so I thought.. ). If something bothers me I tell him and we talk about it openly. In general he is very good to me and I to him. A week ago I found out he was getting very close to another girl, kissing her. I paid a surprise visit to his house and she was there. He says he was just telling her he wanted to stop seeing her, because he wants to work it out with me. He swears they did not sleep together, but did kiss her. They had been in touch for about two months. It hurts terribly because we've had sex once in the past 4 months. He never gives me a real (French) kiss. I feel taken for granted, rejected, frustrated. And told him. He says he loves me very much and finds me beautiful but admitted that he is not sexually attracted to me anymore. The way he acts does show me he wants to work it out. We do not live together, see each other 3-4 nights a week. He even wants to spend more time together instead of less. He says he regrets everything and I'm the best thing that's happened to him. We talk openly about it all. I'm not overweight, and look OK (don't like saying that about myself). He's OK with counseling but we live in Asia, so an English speaking counselor with our cultural background is hard to find. Any ideas how we can work it out, what he and/ or I can do to make him want me again? I do the whole 'talking dirty' thing, toys etc already. How can I get him to touch me and kiss me again? Thx...

To me it seems like it's a combination of stress and dpression. You mentioned living in Asia and needing an english speaking counselor. That tells me its not where you or he grew up and has family. That is stressful on its own as well. You are likely the lightning rod in this because you are the one constant he has.

He really needs to see a counselor but in your situation that's a difficult thing. He should talk with his employer, they may have the means to teleconference to a counselor that does speak fluent english. It won't bee as good as a face to face but beats roughing it out if that's the only alternative.

I think this is a universal... if a woman is too needy and eager to please, the man will not be stimulated. He will just use her and talk soothing talk to keep her on the line for his own purposes.

Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words, girl. A lot of touchy feely conversation is often a total waste of time.

Choux.. where do you get your info from... eager to please is not needy.. I am always eager to please... and sometimes I am needy... sometimes my partner is.. that can be a real turn on.. to know someone wants you desperatly.. I don't know your experience... but if that has been your experience.. then I don't think it was because of eagerness. To the girl who posted the question.. sounds like he has moved on in his head.. if he won't discuss it with you... then try and move on... Good Luck

OK, so now I'm confused... my problem is similar but not exact. My relationship is amazing minus the lack of sex. I am some what of a sex addict, I feel at times... there are times when I want it multiple times a day.. other than that I pretty much just want it every day... at least I could settle for a few times a week... now when we first got together it was exactly how I wanted it, he couldn't keep his hands off me and made me feel sexy regardless of physical flaws... now I feel like I have to damn near beg for sex and when we do have sex I feel like it's pity sex and/or he's treating it like a chore. What do I do? Is he just not attracted to me anymore or what? I know he's faithful as far as physical acts are concerned... other than that I am so confused...