So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months now and everything is going great. We love each other and we have a lot of good times. I just don't understand why I can't fully trust him. He hasn't given me a reason not to trust him and he doesn't lie to me or anything like that. I know that I've had trust issues in the past but I mean eventually I would think that I would just let myself trust him. I feel like my heart and mind are fighting each other. I want to allow myself to trust him but at the same time I don't. We all know why... I don't want to get hurt. Sometimes when he goes out with he friends I just get so paranoid. Grant it he has gone to the stripclub a few times but he has stopped once I told him it really bothered me. When we first started dating he had a lot of friends that were girls. It was really hard for me to grasp because I am insecure at times. But now that we have been together he doesn't even talk to most of them anymore. I just know that before I came around he was a wild single guy if you know what I mean. I'm just driving myself crazy trying to solve this puzzle in my head. Just the other day he asked me to move in with him! I want to but how can I when I know in my heart that I don't fully trust him. Whatever the reason? Does anybody have any thoughts cause I could really use them?

:confused:

For me... trust is not just given.. it is earned...

So I guess for him to earn your trust, he has to show u he is worthy of it.

Its not as easy as just being cool with you and you having a good time and stuff... but he has to show u that he wants to be with you and that he is there for you when you need him, that you can trust him with your heart...

That's just my opinion, so I guess it just takes time...

Well you are probably having a hard time bc/ most likley someone in your past has ruined your trust and your scared that if you go back to trusting another man all the way that you will get hurt again.

You have to seriously think about this. You say your man is good to you and you want to trust him. Well maybe if you really think he is then trust him.

Its really hard to learn to trust somebody again or anyone in that fact. In my opinion once someone takes that trust away you can never fully trust anyone as much again because your mind won't allow it. You don't want to get hurt again and that's what your mind is telling you.



Sometimes in certain situations you have to follow either your head or your heart and sometimes both.

And if you are for certain that your man is good and you know he loves you and won't hurt you then follow your heart on this one. Because its your mind telling you not to trust him because of your past. But in this situation your heart knows what's best.


I hope this works.

Hi, verysexyblonde7!

Let's see... You've been together with him for eight months. He doesn't lie to you. He hasn't given you any reason not to trust him. He stopped going to the strip clubs once you told him that it bothered you. He doesn't even talk to most of the girls that he used to know. He's asked you to move in with him...

Sounds like he's really stuck on you, wants to be with you, and that you have no reason at all not to trust him. So, why not just do that?

If you're unable to do that, then some individual as well as group counseling may be something that you might want to try for yourself. Doing that could really open up some realizations about yourself for you! I was in individual as well as group counseling for a number of years. Doing that greatly improved my perspective on myself as well as others.

He's already given up some things for you. How about you giving up on not trusting him for him?

A big part of relationships is being trustful of the other person. Being trusting of someone else is a risk anybody takes when being in a relationship. He's already given up quite a bit for you. Is he distrustful of you at all? If so, how have you dealt with that?

Thanks!

Quote:

---

I've had trust issues in the past but I mean eventually I would think that I would just let myself trust him.

---

Actually it takes some work on your part to actively deal with your personal issues, and not act impulsively because of them. They will poison your life.

Maybe some education (google, or self help books ) and guidance, from a professional, or trusted older person can help.

Got to spread the rep Tal, but you are right on!

You have to understand this is YOUR problem not his. Then go to counseling to find out why you are like this and then work towards conquering this mountain.

I will warn you though, it is a struggle to say the least. Everyday is a ongoing battle that you will fight but eventually you learn that you can't prevent someone from cheating.

To be completely honest it sounds like you have a great guy and I'm surprised he isn't gone yet not many guys will give up there enjoyment with friends (stripclubs) and there friends whether they be men or women especially if they were friend before you came along...

If he isn't gone or cheating after all that then it sounds like you need to conquer your trusting issues or he will be gone because you not trusting him will in the end drive him away and it will drive you crazy... in reality you cannot expect him to give up friends and others things in his life because if you guys break up in the future you have left him with nothing... maybe getting to know his friends better will help you see there relationship and go to the stripclub with him what could it hurt I would go with my boyfriend what the hell...

Also I have a very very close guy friend that I have been friends with for years we did everything together we were more like girlfriends but we never kissed, held hands, nothing
He started dating a girl that wanted him to leave me hanging and he told her to get over it or get lost and she said it was fine but she continued to be a pain and I tried to be nice but I now have a great dislike for her she has here recently made up lies and said I called her and told her we had messed around and I gave up I have been fighting for my friendship for years and I told her she won that we were no longer friends it wasn't worth the pain I was feeling... and I did I moved on and she called me a few months later and invited me to his birthday party... me and my guy friend are still friends but were not as close as we used to be and it still hurts me because I lost someone I was so close with and I love greatly I lost my best friend moral of this you don't want your insecurity to be the cause of someone else's pain
If he is going to cheat he will do it whether you trust him or not if anything not trusting hijm will make him cheat faster... you have to meet him half way on this! Good luck

Honestly sweetheart I was in the same situation as you are right now.

Try putting yourself in his shoes, if you get jealous and insecure towards him; imagine if that was you somebody was doing that to and restricting to do certain things. I think anybody would agree with me that's not the most pleasant act in a relationship.

Let him talk to other people and have a little bit of fun, you should be able o sense in your heart that he's the right guy for you.

It might be an insecurity issue on your behalf but it does not really appear like that in your name. If it is though, it just makes you seem very immature.

If this helps you better think of it this way, would you rather I'm come home to you everyday and have nothing to talk about and nothing exciting happening?( this is when he is resricted to pursuing his favorite activities) or would you rather I'm come home to you all happy wanting to meka love to you and keep reassuring you how great and easygoing of a person you are.

Put on a bright smile on your face and make the best of it. I would hate to hear that you have had this going on for a long time because if you don't settle it right now, it is going to torment you in the future

Get yourself a hobby, take up another job fpr instance, have a girls night out and let him know that you are not a needy person. The happier you make him, the happier you become and sooner or later you start trusting them more and more and you won't have any energy for the bad things.

Be a strong individual women.

Remember this, don't make him your whole life, just make him a very happy part of your life.

My boyfriend helped me through my problem by getting very upset and agry with me. What he said to me was -----

" YOU ARE ACTING AS THOUGH I ALREADY HAVE CHEATED ON YOU "

Thing about that doll


♥

I say just accept the law of the land; men wiill most likely cheat. But if he loves you he will keep it secret. Don't try to force yourself to trust him. Just chill & keepo him as your main & keep your standbys just in case. Just do you and don't stress your mind about what you an't control anyway. Wait a longer time before you cut off everybody. I think that's the reality of relationships.

Just my opinion...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kia

i say just accept the law of the land; men wiill most likely cheat. But if he loves you he will keep it secret. Don't try to force yourself to trust him. Just chill & keepo him as your main & keep your standbys just in case. Just do you and don't stress your mind about what you an't control anyway. Wait a longer time before you cut off everybody. I think that's the reality of relationships.

Just my opinion...

---

The only way it is likely we would cheat is if in his past history he has been cheating on every women he has gone out with. If he hasn't, not to worry, most likely it will not happen. But if you keep doing what your doing, you will slowly push him away from you.