Hello everyone! My first post here.


Well you see, I know my ex-girlfriend since she was 14 and I was 16. It was during the time when AIM was pretty popular. I don't want to get too much detail into that but we talk and we ended up liking each other. Even when I had a girl I still liked her even though we've never met just talk online and on the phone. She liked me and I liked her. Well let skip into a couple years later. She is now 17 and I'm 19 and we decided to met at the mall. After a few days of seeing each other I ask her if she got anyone in mind and she say yes and I know it was me so I asked her if she wanted to be my girl. Ok let me skip another year. Well we've going out for 1 year and almost 4 months. During this 1 year and almost 4 month we constantly fought and stuff like that. But we love each other deeply though. She gave up her virginity for me. She is the type that would wait until she is marry. Let skip that too. So one day we had a fight again and this time I thought it was like the other time where we fight and a few days things get better. Well it didn't. There was this one guy who always go to the café place and one day he saw that she was sad so he started to talk to her and stuff like that. Sweet talk that make a girl feel better. So then they started to go out to movie and stuff. By the way we've broke up so it not like she is cheating on me and she is not that type of person. And you know he is nice and sweet to her and now she like him. But she also told me she is not focus into a relationship right now. But she told me this guy make her happy. Let just say that he is what she always wanted in me. Even though she like this guy she still call me. When she is at work, after a night out with him. We would talk like normal friend. She told me he is a close friend and I'm just a friend. She is still single. Well let me get to the point.

After we broke up I've changed a lot. Into a better person. After we broke up I finally realize I'm in love with this girl. She pretty much treated me like a king and I keep on mistreating her even though I love her. And now that she is gone I realize that all the I love you that I've said to the other girls wasn't really true but to this one girl I meant it with all my heart. Hell I've been crying for the past few weeks now. Breaking up with her made me realize what
real love truly is. Man I would do anything to be with her again. So what I'm trying to get here is that. She notice that I've change into a better person now but she still like the other guy. She is also not into a relationship right now. And if I ever get the chance to be with her again I would treat her with all the respect and love that I can possible give.

I'm planning on buying a car (350z) with black exterior since she like black color, she think it's fancy. Oh yeah she is the type that like classy stuff.
Well since the guy be picking her up at work and taking her out and stuff. I was wondering if I could take her out too. I want to show her who the real me is. I remember the time when it was like a triangle love affair situation we had. She would go out with the guy and then she would call me to ask me if I want to go out. But all I did was take her to my house and we didn't do anything and I always ask her what she want to do. I guess that my losing point right there. I know she is the type that want someone who know what they want and that is what is he capable of. Well the current me is no longer stress out with stuff since I've become a happier person and I would know where to take her and just have a fun time. She just want to have fun right now. I believe I can bring her happiness again. I hope that I can bring the feeling back a little. I hope that if I try to have fun with her I might become a close friend too just like him. I know I might be greedy right now but she is the first person I've ever cry for and the first whom I've truly fell in love with.

The guy told her he was going to quit smoking once he hit 21 (oh yeah I'm 20 now and she is 18) and she told me he hasn't smoke since (I still smoke). But I don't believe him though he just seem to tricky he is the pretty boy type. I just don't want to see her hurt or anything even if she isn't in a relationship right but she like the guy. I hope that I can take her out and have a good time like what he doing to her right now maybe I can become a close friend. I'm not expecting her to be my girlfriend but even so there might be a chance you know. A slim chance that I'm willing to give it my best shot I don't care how long I have to wait for her. She might not have any feeling for me but I hope in trying my best the feeling will come back again. Let just say that I'm secretly declaring war with the guy by myself. No one know it but me and you guys. I know I'm being crazy and thinking wacky but she is my first love and I was also her first. I am at fault for this. There is a lot more to the story and I know I might sound like an ***-hole but I'm not, sorry for not writing everything.

I don't know it 2:43 am and I'm sorry if I don't make any sense right now. But I hope you guys understand what I'm trying to write. I read a lot of post and ever reply seem so knowledgeable and extremely cool so I'm not asking any advice or anything but just write your thoughts. Thank you and good morning!




OH yeah oh her birthday I brought her a 400 dollar necklace at Zale and she wear it even though she is with the other guy hanging out.
That punk I would throw a thousand dollar down the toilet if I can hug her again heheheh sorry I been constantly thinking about her day and night so sdjfljsfjslflslflsf night night everyone and I'm not crazy =] :D

*sigh* my mind is happy but my heart is aching

What type of issues did you argue about? Were they materialistic or emotional. Were there such drastic differences or things that eventually could have been ironed out after talking things over?

You did write a lot, but the essentials are not there for me..

Right now, I can only home in on three details that need a little work on:
1. You're jealous.
2. Spending money - either to impress her, or others. - a "status symbol"
3. You're impatient to get her back at whatever cost... but are you really willing to give her space to find herself?

You state that you've changed, then you should know that she's probably changed also and have to be interested enough in finding out what those changes she went through are...

And, if you are really willing to be 'just friends'.. you'll have to get rid of the jealous feeling and the need to want her to live 'your way'.

You both are just starting to live your lives, and if this leads to different paths, then so be it - it's something we all have to accept at that age. Sometimes we have to give something up to gain appreciation for what we've learned from it.

Good luck dear, and I hope you reach your goals.



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Originally Posted by Chery

What type of issues did you argue about? Were they materialistic or emotional. Were there such drastic differences or things that eventually could have been ironed out after talking things over?

You did write a lot, but the essentials are not there for me..

Right now, I can only hone in on three details that need a little work on:
1. You're jealous.
2. Spending money - either to impress her, or others. - a "status symbol"
3. You're impatient to get her back at whatever cost... but are you really willing to give her space to find herself?

You state that you've changed, then you should know that she's probably changed also and have to be interested enough in finding out what those changes she went through are...

And, if you are really willing to be 'just friends'.. you'll have to get rid of the jealous feeling and the need to want her to live 'your way'.

You both are just starting to live your lives, and if this leads to different paths, then so be it - it's something we all have to accept at that age. Sometimes we have to give something up to gain appreciation for what we've learned from it.

Good luck dear, and I hope you reach your goals.



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It was just a normal typical argument that we always have once in a while but this time there was someone beside her girlfriend to comfort her. I know she just want to find someone who care and love her. I wasn't able to give her that but after this break up it just made a deep impact on my emotion and thoughts. I mean I'm not trying hard to change but it just did.


I'm not jealous as I don't mind having her spend time with the guy. I haven't talk to her about anything that is love related just casual talk. Spending money is what I always do even though I understand that a little gift card can make her happy. I just want to befriend with her in a way that she would think "wow his back to his normal self again" and maybe the feeling might start to develop once again. By that way I mean I want to just hang out like normal and if fate let us, her feeling might start to grow for me as much as it did for the guy.

Money can not and will not buy happiness, and if buying someone things, is what makes her "Yours" then she never really is or will be, since as soon or if someone else with more money comes around she would be gone again.

If you are rich and buying a fancy sports car or spending 400 on a gift is nothing, well fine but if you are not rich and 400 is 1 or 2 or 3 days pay, then it is just stupid.

Relationshsips are built on trust, understanding and talking. Love is built from those plus mutual interests.

At 20 you need to be looking ahead at our future, and growing and changing. She may or may not but I will tell you from a lot of experience, lossing someone is tough, admitting that you never really had them is tougher.

But you need to live your life on your terms and find people that will like you for who you are, not for being someone else or for spending money.

Hi,
I am 64 yrs old, and at 20 yrs old, going to college, met a lot of girls. Some were good relationships, others weren't.
If this girl likes another boy, then there isn't much you can do. You really want to be "just friends"? Sometimes that's works, but it doesn't work for everyone. Obviously, you like this girl more than just a "friend"; otherwise, you wouldn't be so concerned about her.
I'll give you another clue; buying things for others doesn't buy love or friendship. You are the only thing that can insure friendship; not what you buy.
If this girl doesn't want you in a relationship, then move on. Meet new girls, and Smile. It shows you like yourself, and others will like you, too. Some of us spend more time in chasing someone, than in meeting new people who would be more likely to want us in a relationship.
I do wish you the best, and hang in there.

I don't know if she'll come around to your way of thinking but I do know you spend far too much time on making her your friend and worrying about what she does with some other guy. I would walk away and start making new friends and doing the things that made my own life healthy and fun. At your age dating would be a nice thing to be doing as well as socializing with other people. Short of telling her how you feel then don't worry about being her friend ,she already knows that. Get out in the world.

Love bites dude.

Give her time and if she wants you she will come to you. In my opinion women are more attached to an emotional relationship than a physical one, so by talking to her you may fill a void that the other guy isn't. By taking that away she may realize that she is not getting EVERYTHING she needs from the relationship. Also a guy that is willing to do anything including changing his own lifestyle and catering to her every need may push her away. This does not mean that by any means that anything you do will bring her back. Live your own life and take her out of it. If friendship is what you will eventually get (as opposed to a relationship) that can happen at any time, months or years later. Try not to be there for her so much.

This is pure speculation, but talking to her regularly isn't going to make you feel better and probably won't make her want you more. Not sure if this is good advice, just a stab in the dark.

Listen to all the advce - and QUIT trying gto buy her - that's not love.

To top it all off, it's kind of hard to have and/or maintain a serious relationship when you primarily AIMs and emailed.

Meet 'real' people and get to know them, let them get to know you better in person, and don't expect too many 'mail order' relationships.

Just a suggestion.

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