Please Please help me on this one.. its totally driving me crazy, also getting me really upset.
Im male, 25, she female 20. We have been together for about a year, engaged, due to marry in 2011.

We used to have a good sex life when we first met, but since we have moved in together, our sex life has some what disapered. From having it 3 times a week, now I'd be lucky for once a month. I know a relationship isn't based, and shouldn't be based on sex, and were still both young, no kids, so therefore surely we should be enjoying a happy and healthy sex life. I have tried talking to her about it, but all I get is the cold shoulder, and she says that's all blokes want, but she knows I'm a decent lad, otherwise I wouldn't have asked her to marry me. (she said yes of course) new yrs eve! I know you're probably thinking perhaps I shouldn't have really done it with this on my mind, but I truly do deeply love this girl, and wish to spend the rest of my life with her. But at the end of the day I had to follow my heart. But this is one problem I do want to solve as its stressing me out and making me feel unloved and unwanted..

When I even try it on with her in bed, she always refuses, leaving me sobbing in bed (which she doesn't know about).

I don't know how to solve this problem as I have tried talking to her, and its not became of anything, now I have things playing on my mind, maybe she is getting it elsewhere, or maybe she doesn't fancy me anymore... yet I'm a good looking bloke with a fit body and have many people comment on that.

Now I'm contimplating the facts, she is rejecting it when I want it, yet the only time we have sex is when she wants it... so maybe, I should forget trying it on with her, when she wants it, refuse it to her...
I know this is going to lead to a non sexual relationship, but can anyone else come up with another idea??
And even though I love her so much, cheating with someone else to get what I am missing might sound like a good idea, but my heart tells me not to do it as I have been out since and had the offers but not been able to carry them out.. maybe a bit of harsh thinking I could probably do this...

I just need some advice.. I love my girlfriend so much, the last thing I want is to cheat on her, and for us to split up.

J xx

What in the hek is wrong with you? You bring up cheating on your Fiancé because you can't be man enough to have your own girlfriend want to have sex with you? Did you ever think it may have something to do with you?

She won't "give" you sex, as if it is some kind of pill you whip out of a bottle... good luck on your marriage man! Look deep within yourself. I know that whenever I complained about not "getting any" I pretty much turned my girlfriend off... so, acting like a calm, rationale gentlemen usually does the trick. Flowers, romantic stuff... ya know? Or, have you already lost that luster, and just expect to get laid whenever you want?

I realize this may come off as offensive, and by all means, that isn't what I intended. I just think a lot of people could solve their relationship issues without ever coming onto this website, if they would just have a true and loving conversation with their partner.

Have you asked how's her work or her health? How long have this been going on?

I agree with KC above up until he says, "flowers, romantic stuff." I don't believe you should reward her for distant and you should not try to buy her love.

That being said, KC is right, you need to man up. You are in a sexual relationship and for reasons that your refuse to find out, she is no participating. My guess is she is not attracted to you anymore, but she's afraid of losing you and being alone so she stays in the relationship for the "status" that the relationship brings her. If you love her as you claim then you need to think back to what she used to like about you that has changed. You say that she doesn't know your sobbing, but you do sound like you being the emotional one in the relationship, and that is going to be one thing that turns a woman off. You need to be strong, and bring the focus back to you. Instead of asking her for sex, tease her and tell her that if she doesn't behave you are not giving her sex. Act the way you used to when you first met. If this doesn't change her, then do not get married. If you are this unhappy now then why get married? There's nothing to continue, because she's not involved.

Instead of crying, ask her what's wrong. If you can't resolve this while your living together, forget marriage. For that matter, forget living together.

If you cannot work together thru honest communications, to resolve your issues to the benefit of you both, forget the whole relationship.

I had this type of relationship too.
The problem is that maybe she doesn't enjoy sex as much as you do, but at the mean time, she still loves u.
Please do not force her as she will end up thinking that you only want her for lust and not love.
Take into account that maybe she feels contaminated after sex(no offense, but some girls do think that way).
Try to have a special night and try to lure her with a romantic way you can think off.
Erm, I hope I helped..

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Originally Posted by chuff

I agree with KC above up until he says, "flowers, romantic stuff." I don't believe you should reward her for distant and you should not try to buy her love.
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This is not about buying love, it is about being a gentlemen. Too often do we guys act like cavemen, and expect to get laid whenever we feel the need. Romance is a huge part of a relationship, and no relationship is a game. So acting like doing these things is buying love is absolutely absurd. You can't just walk into the bedroom, drop your pants, and expect your girl to be there with open legs. Perhaps my advice was taken out of context...

My whole point is communication. Crying yourself to sleep while your girl isn't giving you any doesn't help anything at all.

Lack of sex, is but a symptom of a greater problem, that you both must discover, and resolve.

Be careful man... when the sex goes away, that means problems. I know your confused as to what is going on. It could possibly be her feelings for you are changing, not for the better in your case.

Have you been overly pushy about the sex thing? STOP

Have you been suspicious of her possibly seeing someone else? STOP

Have you been getting jealous? STOP

You seem to be getting overly emotional about this as well. Not good, she will see that as emotional weakness and neediness and retreat further away.

You can try and think back to the way you were when you first met and become that guy again. Right now I think she may be hanging on to you as a security blanket. She doesn't want to loose and hurt you.

Either way, like Tal, Chuff, and KC say... there are problems that you need to find out and address with her.

A sexless relationship is a damaged relationship. I know from experience that once sex goes, the relationship follows. Next thing you know you will start hearing rumblings of "breaks" and "space".

Take it from me, someone who went through the same thing. I stuck it out with my ex for over a year with hardly and sex and it was stressful for both of us. She eventually broke it off with me because her feelings for me changed and our lack of sex.

I met my ex when I was 22 and she was 18. Then over the course of the next 3 years we both changed. I changed in to someone totally different from the person she fell in love with. She changed in to a person that was totally different from the one I fell in love with. Sometimes people change and fall out of love. The emotional connections that were once there are not anymore. Usually one of the symptoms of that is a sexless relationship.

Seriously consider all of this before getting married. 2011 is pretty far away. So you have you 2 have you work cut out to try and figure this out. Remember she is still young, and you are too. She will be going through A LOT of changes in the next 5 years, where as you are mostly through all of that already.

Whatever you do...DON'T CHEAT. Be a man and work it out if you can.

I would like to thank those who have posted on this subjetc, but I would welcome more input / advice ono this one.. J

The title of your post rather irks me. You make sex sound like something she owes you instead of an intimacy you share.

If you are pressuring her or constantly on her about it you could be working against yourself.

Do you show her affection outside of sex? You need to show her that you care about her and that sex is a natural progression of your affection for her.

Thanks to those who have replied to my question... things have been sorted out now, she as ended the relationship, probably for the best, kicked me out, and gave me no reason in doing so.. I think that she was just using me for a easy life...