Girlfriend of 15 Months is studying abroad, and wants a break
Ok here's my story, I know there are a lot like this but my situation is different, at least I think it is.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 15 months, but it all started to go sour from my behalf about 13 months into the relationship. I am 23 years old and my girlfriend is 20. I had one semester left at the school we both go to and I started to get scared and began distancing myself from her about 11-13 months into the relationship. I love this girl more than anyone on earth, I guess I started to push her away because I was scared of being with her forever, I was scared of never getting to be the person I was before (party animal/frat idiot), the person my friend grew up loving, and the person my best friends only new. So it all blew up homecoming weekend when all my old friends were back, I totally blew her off the entire weekend like a retard and was a jackass the entire time, pretty dumb knowing it was our 1 year anniversary. Anyway, because of that and the fact I was trying to blame my insecurities and actions on her friends, my girlfriend eventually broke up with me. But here is where the story gets interesting, the next night after she wouldn't answer my calls and cut me out of her life, I saw her at the place we met (a bar) and we started talking, we got emotional, left, went to her place, and have got back together instantly (she held off being intimate with me for like 2 weeks). Anyway, so we have been back together for exactly a month, and not counting the one day, have been dating for 15 months, but I still know in the back of her mind she resents how I treated her, but I never cheated on her or was a bad boyfriend. A lot of where our problems came from was also because I got a dog in the summer, and it caused me to not be able to sleepover at her place as much as I use to and I think it caused some jealousy within her, but she in the end loves the dog dearly!
So I forgot to mention that my girlfriend always planned on studying abroad, and her intent was to always study abroad first semester of this year when most kids at our school do so, including some of her really good friends. But because I was going to be here for one more semester, she opted to go to Europe second semester rather than first, a decision she made all on her own! The problem with that is her friend, who has gained weight since she has been in school and has been shunned by her high school sweet heart, also moved her plans of study abroad back as well. I know her best friend is against me, the day she broke up with me, she urged her to block my cell phone number, signed onto her e-mail account to delete my e-mails and messages on Facebook, and damn near did everything but throw a celebration party. Now, the day before my girlfriend goes to study abroad this semester, after we have made up and been together for a month, she tells me she is confused. This is after I visited her family for the holidays and hung out for two nights, and two days after she drove 4 hours to visit mine. Because my parents said they would buy me a plane ticket to Europe to visit her, she felt pressured and it all boiled at that she didn't want me to come. She told me she wants to have the experience all on her own to find herself. She wants to be alone, she said she is confused, she went from telling me she loves me, to she likes me a lot, to right before she left telling me she loves me again and will miss me. I am so confused, in my mind I know her best friend is against me and wants her to be single again so she can help her meet guys and be her "life partner" as she calls herself (weird I know).
A lot of these problems have come from me being so honest in this last month. I have been no emotional and so open with my feelings. I have told her I regret so much, I have bought her so many thoughtful gifts, and our passion was back like we just met. We had such a great time, but with me being 23 and her being 20 I think it scared her in some ways. I believe her when she has told me she has never cheated on me and she told me she is not looking at any other guys or even pursuing any guys while she is in Europe. I just don't understand why she wouldn't want to involved me in her life for this long period (4 months). She said she is going to send me postcards, e-mails, and contact me on Skype. Do I have any hope, what should I do. I love this girl to death, I pushed her away from me, and now I am getting it back. She said she was so confused because she was so sure she wanted to break up but I changed her mind so much with how I changed and treated her so well this past month. What should I do? I am lost, during this month I wrote her a poem and had it sent in the message in a bottle, it made her cry. I got her a pajama gram engraved with the funny nickname I use to call her when we first met, and bought her a great camera for Christmas for her trip since hers was broken. She said she wanted to give my gifts back because she felt so bad, but I refused.
All I did in our last phone conversation was have her promise she would have dinner with me right when she gets back and she gladly accepted. I chose to go to graduate school at a university 45 minutes away from her home so we are going to be close for the 4 months of summer. Do I have hope, is it just her being 20 and scared just as I was, we spent every last minute together for so long and she became disconnected from her friends and she is very close to her family, I guess that's all the info you need, please give me some advice! She turns 21 this summer and I turn 24, I just hope it is that she is young and will come back to me, I just really don't know... Did my being so open and honest about her being the only girl I ever want to be with backfire, should I accept her wanting to contact me? She still has me as her boyfriend on Facebook, but she told me she wants a break and is confused, please help! And what do I do if it is her not being able to stand on her own, and she is giving into pressure from her best friend, and as result is pushing me away to the extreme?