I really do love my ex and he told me that when we broke up he will always love me and will be ready for me when I want to get back together with him.

The reson we broke up is just because I needed some time to figure out what I truly wanted and to just be a little independent for a while.

He agreed with me and the break up was a joint decision but only about a week and a half after the split he was out drinking with his bestfriends which I have no problem with, and he hooked up with this girl.

I was a little upset and the breakup hadn't seemed real to me until this had happened and it hurt so much.

We talked about it the other day and I told him I loved him and needed him in my life, he initiated kissing me and we were intimate but then he told me he doesn't know what he wants and he needs to think about it, A little later he initiated it again and before anything serious happened this tiime I asked him if we are going to give the relationship a try, and he said yes. Afterwards he said he needs to think.
The next morning we were intimate again but afterwards this time he said he doesn't love me anymore.

I got rather upset and I told him I will always love him. Do you think he really meant what he said?

Also if I was to give him space and not start talking to him but wait for him to talk to me will that make him miss me a little more? I won't ignore him, I will just simply just not talk to him until he makes the effort to talk to me first. I don't want to come across as needy, but I really do wish he was back in my life.

Sorry its so long
Xxx

It's over, but he's a habit that's going to be hard to break, isn't he?

It's over, but sex feels good, so you two will keep using each for sex as long as both are willing.

It's over, and it's not your fault so don't beat yourself up about it. It was fizzling out and you knew it and thought you'd test the water on that and the reality of what was already happening simply blossomed. That's all.

But, in case you doubt it at all, set aside your doubt... it's over.

Your future is just up ahead though. I'm not suggesting boozing with friends and hooking up casually like he did, but I'm suggesting that it's OK that it's over. It really is.

There's no need to hate him or hate that it's over. It's OK. Relationships end. Let your memories be good ones and don't idolize them. Let them just be good memories.

It's over... with HIM. But it's far from over for your love life, and the next chapter is already on its way. Isn't that sort of exciting to think about... the mystery of it all!

Cross Post.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...re-299639.html

You break up with him to find yourself. He moves on. I think what really happened was, you thought you would move on first and when that didn't happen you got jealous. Then when you tried to get him back he decided he had enough of your games and played them back on you. Good for him.

Breaks seldom help. In fact, most of the breaks I've noticed here on this board end up with breakups 99% of the time. Next time, try not to take a break and discuss it through with your partner. Distancing yourself won't help your relationship (or former relationship).

You can say it was a mutual breakup, but there is no such thing. You dumped him. You asked for time for yourself and set him free because your feelings towards him had changed. The fact that he hooked up with another chick doesn't mean he's moved on. It's his way of coping with losing you and refilling that void you left in him. The fact that he says he wants to give it a try and the next morning he says he doesn't love you anymore leads me to think that either a) the hurt was deep enough to resent you and wanted to hurt you in return or b) his feelings for you were affected by your decision -- things can't be the same again.

Best you can do is back away. If he still has strong enough feelings for you in there somewhere, he will look for you. Let him sort his feelings out by himself but don't count on him returning to you. Use the space you asked for to work on yourself and find what you need to find.

An interesting turn of events, huh?

You needed the time to think and learned that you actually wanted to be with him. But now it's over..

Let that be a lesson to you. Breaks essentially mean 'breakup'... it just so happens that he moved on quicker and probably learned some things about himself.

Next time around talk through your problems... breaks are bullsh!t and self serving...

I may not be manly but I can say this...

History has a tendency to repeat it's self.

There is a reason you two broke up

Right now he may be idealizing everything.

You deserve a guy that will never hurt you in that way. A real gentleman will never hurt a lady.

expat2009: I wish I could move on quicker too! I'm not as butthurt as I was... I just can't build up the want to go and find someone else... it feels so tiring!

You broke up with him and when you wanted him back he rejected you. In my opinion you got what you deserved!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by a la king

expat2009: i wish i could move on quicker too!! I'm not as butthurt as I was... i just can't build up the want to go and find someone else... it feels so tiring!

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Then don't! Get yourself back first. Your confidence and happiness will bring them to you. When you least expect it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by expat2009

Then don't! Get yourself back first. Your confidence and happiness will bring them to you. When you least expect it.

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This is very true-- get myself back.. whatever 'back' is. I don't even know anymore.. I was in a relationship for so long and for so many crucial years that I've changed so much I'm not even sure who I am (that sounds more dramatic than it should). Sometimes I go out and look for it-- even though I don't want it. And if I catch someone looking my way-- I won't do anything to pursue it.

I think it's just an ego thing... I confuse myself sometimes... heh.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Starbucks21

I may not be manly but i can say this...

History has a tendency to repeat it's self.

There is a reason you two broke up

Right now he may be idealizing everything.

You deserve a guy that will never hurt you in that way. A real gentleman will never hurt a lady.

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In a perfect world a guy will never hurt a lady, but this world is FAR from perfect...

That's messed up what happened. I've been in that guys situation before, kind of. A couple years ago. I desperately regret not staying with her everyday though and I still am in love with her... Give him some time, maybe he'll come around, or maybe he's an idiot.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by a la king

This is very true-- get myself back.. whatever 'back' is. I don't even know anymore.. i was in a relationship for so long and for so many crucial years that i've changed so much i'm not even sure who i am (that sounds more dramatic than it should). Sometimes I go out and look for it-- even though i don't want it. And if I catch someone looking my way-- i wont do anything to pursue it.

I think it's just an ego thing... I confuse myself sometimes... heh.

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Having read your story, let me re-phrase. Find yourself. You've been in a relationship for a long time and it's very important for yourself that you learn to become independent again. Being single is underrated. It's a great time to gain confidence, do the stuff you like whenever you want to. No questions asked. Freedom is fantastic, but you have to see it as a positive. It's not about going out there looking for THE ONE. It's about being and enjoying yourself! Sooner or later, she will come into your life, and it will happen naturally. Not forced.

Sorry to change the subject of the thread here. Carry on.

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Please don't cross post the same issue.