The girl I have been seeing for a year suddenly calls me up a few days before xmas to tell me she needed some time to herself. (we were supposed to spend time with her family). She explains she still loves me but she has some issues and may be bipolar and that she will call me as soon as she sorts it all out. She also says she does not like the city we are currently living in and wants to move back to her hometown.

This was not a surprise because she brought the topic up about 6 months ago but never acted on it and it was quickly swept under the rug. Anyway, I told her I would give her the time and went no contact on her. When I came home from xmas break I noticed she had been at my place while I was gone and left a xmas present she bought me before her 'break'. She also left a note saying she is sorry for hurting me and no man has ever treated her so well but she needed time to figure her problems out so she can be a better friend, girlfriend, human being. She again states she loves me deeply and I will see her again.

I also noticed she left all her possessions there and kept the key to my place. What should I make of all of this?

She has probably been thinking about this for a long time, and has finally reached her breaking point. She needs to go and sort herself out and do whatever it is that she thinks she needs to do. This puts you in a tough spot and it will be hard to understand what she is actually thinking so you are better off by just forgetting about her and going on with your life. You definitely don't want to be with someone who can just get up and walk out on you at any given time. If she is bi-polar then let her go and figure herself out. This type of erratic behaviour on her part is definitely something you don't want to deal with and will just stress you out. You just go on with your life and let her come to you.

I'm sorry this happened to you. It's something many of us are going through and you've come to the right place for advice.
Unfortunately, there are certain things we cannot change in others. It seems she is dealing with a few issues that you cannot help her with. Things that only she can deal with herself. Although she seems to love you still, there are things that have changed her and confused her to the point of not needing you there for the time being.

All you can do now is give her what she wants and prepare to move on. There is no way of knowing if she'll come back to you or what is on her mind at the moment so don't waste your time thinking about it. Take this time to do the same she is doing, figure out your own life, do the things you've missed doing for the past year. Find new activities to keep you occupied, make new friends, look up those you have neglected. Anything you can to regain that life you had before you were together. It's all about you now. She won't find the questions in a few days or weeks. So don't waste your time waiting by the phone as you will only hurt more and delay your healing.

The key here is to give her space and go no contact. She was clear in saying that's what she wanted and that she will contact you when the time comes. But when it happens, don't expect a happy reconciliation -as it may or not happen- do your own thing, clear your head, let the dust settle, and when the time comes you'll have a much clearer idea of what is best for you.

How old are you two by the way?

I've seen this happen before. Actually my brother's ex said she needed to be alone for a while to find herself and sort things out. Every situation is different, but they didn't get back together. Their break was permanent. Just be prepared for the worst. Wouldn't hurt to start moving on now, as hard as it is.

Sorry guy, but impulsive behavior, without honest communications, is a deal breaker to me. I pack her stuff and change the locks. Radical I know, but a gift, and a note doesn't cut it with me.

We can not make someone love us just as we can not make someone happy. These are two emotions that each of us have to find and initiate ourselves. Can we make someone happier and thus make the relationship flourish? Yes we can.

I agree with the above posters. With her actions she has broken the trust that is necessary in any serious relationship. Turn your back on this... for your own good and mental health.

Stringer

Quote:

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Originally Posted by expat2009

How old are you two by the way?

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Im 34 and she is 28. I am already trying to move on, I went out with another girl last night and it got my mind off the situation completely. But you guys are right, it's probably best to let some other guy deal with her erratic bs behavior because I doubt it will change anytime soon. Thanks for the advice.

Just an update, she emailed me the other day wanting to meet up. I think I will go just to see what she wants. I have had no contact with her up until the email she sent. Any ideas on how I should handle the meeting? I can't figure out if the meeting is for her to say goodbye or perhaps work things out.

May I suggest that you take charge of the situation?

Your experience with her has not been beneficial to you. Being a "pin cushion" is not my idea of a healthy relationship. She has a lot of baggage and you will be carrying it for her if you don't move on, and it will only get heavier my friend.

I know that your heart is telling you one thing and your mind another. Step back, take a good view of this, now am I right?

You are still young and there are a lot of great women waiting for a good man...

I give you this advice based upon the limited information given in this thread with the assumption that it is the total problem, so go forward. You already know the past.

Good luck,

Stringer

Stop letting her have control ove you. She broke up with you and now she wants to talk, talk about what? Maybe she should have talked to you before she left and if she needed support I am sure you would've been by her side. This is what mature people do when they love and care about one another, not leave. They work things out together and be each other rock and shoulder to lean on.

I would've pack he things and give it to her and changed my locks like Tal said. She didn't take her things or leave the key because she wants a reason to hold to you and what's better than you having her things and she has your keys. Don't fall for this and get yourself out of this trap because I've seen where this road leads to.

Leave her alone and stop communicating with her. Let her have her space like she wanted and don't allowed her to pop in and out of your life when she wants to. Do you really what to hear what she has to say, I wouldn't.

There is nothing to talk about. Delete her, or spam, those are your choices.