Ask Me Help Desk - Why did she leave me? What now?

All right here's the scoup, I have been with a girl for about 6 months now...

Our relationship was great, we get along very well and have chemistry and attraction for each other. Great in the bedroom, could talk for hours, very honest, not jealous at all, we trusted each other completely, hardly ever fought.

Her only issue ever was getting "serious" because she is finishing up grad school this May and she doesn't know what she is going to do after that, her plan had always been to leave the city we lived in. At one point this reason almost ended us but we decided to live in the present and let go and not worry about that stuff because it has not happened yet. She was always back and forth whether she did, in fact, 'love me" or not. i love her but i think our view of it are different, she was always worrying about things in the future that have not happened yet, and her worrying about those things affected the way she would act and feel.

So she went on vacation with her family that she goes on every year and was going to be gone a week on vacation and 3 weeks on a student teaching session in new orleans. When she left she said that she was in love with me and was sure about it now.

So I find out that I have 6 days in a row at work off, i tell her. And she tells me to buy a plane ticket and fly down there to visit her. So i did, because she just seemed so excited at the fact that I was going to come down and see her.

So I get down to florida and i get along with her family great, everyone liked me there and we all hung out and had a lot of fun.

THe day that I leave she tells me that just since me coming to Florida, she had felt differently about me, and she almost felt that we shouldnt be together anymore, because she says she does not see a future with me, which she came to this conclusion because she is graduating this year, and doesnt know whats gonna happen and shes gonna be really busy all semester with school and she supposedly said she "doesn't see a future with me and its time to realize it"

We have only been together 6 months, and I was not trying to make things any more serious then they were quite yet. So these worries and this breakup was COMPLTELEY out of left field. All of our friends are shocked, my parents are shocked, its just crazy.

Now she is going to be gone for 3 weeks in New Orleans and I don't know what I should do! It shounds like she has made it right in her head somehow but I have no idea why. Things are still great between us. I just know that things could have definitely been different, I know that she just worries and lets her worries affect her life. She is just like that, but I always have been able to talk to her about it and after we would talk everything would be fine...

SO I still want to be with her...

So what am I suppose to do, I don't want to lose her.

If it were me I'd give her some space in them 3 weeks she's away, give her a chance to miss you and feel what it would be like if you weren't together. Then she can be better prepared to make her mind up.

It seems like she made her mind up so the only thing you can do is respect it. She seems confuse because one minute she is unsure if she loves and then she loves you the next, then she's unsure whether if she wants to be with you. This is unhealty and unstable situation to be in.

It' mess up on how she ended things, especially since you flew out there to be with her. I know that was heart breaking for you.

The only thing you can do is try to move past her. This isn't love and you don't need someone who is unsure about things in your life. Life is a learning process and you should've learn from this.

Be glad that this happen now instead of later when your deeper involve with her. You can't change her mind and why do you want too. You deserve to be with someone that wants to be with you.

Life goes on and what don't kill you only makes you stronger. This happens to the best of us.

You say that you can both talk very honest with one another this is great, because you really need to have a long honest talk with her regards where the two of you are going, and be honest about the way you feel about her and what you would like from the two of you.

I understand from what you have written that she has called the relationship off. You need to really have the honest talk and give her space.

Depending on the outcome of the honest talk with her, it maybe time to go No Contact.

It is hard but you can not make someone love you or want to be with you if they do not feel the same.

Hello,

Seems we are all in the same situation.

I would suggest if she is so uncertain at such a small time since together, to let it go, it won`t bring any happiness to you now, but in time you will see you did not suffered in the future about such issues with her.

It will always be something we will never understand at the female brain: One day they love you, they care for you, while the next day they do not love you anymore and do not give 2 dollars for you.

If you are still afraid to let her go, give her time, if she misses you she will come back to you. Again, my opinion :)

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Originally Posted by Jake12345

.... i dont want to lose her.

Sounds to me that you already have. Your only course of action is to man-up ad move past it. A 6 month relationship is not that long and maybe it meant more to you than it ever really did to her. Either way you can't make someone feel something that that isn't there.

This is a case of her mind being made up to pursue her own dreams, so I hope you enjoyed the time spent together, but life just got in the way. It happens, and you need to respect her decision.

She has been honest, and upfront, but that never stops those feelings from getting in the way of reality. You will heal, but it takes time.

Sorry it didn't work out.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

This is a case of her mind being made up to pursue her own dreams, so I hope you enjoyed the time spent together, but life just got in the way. It happens, and you need to respect her decision.

She has been honest, and upfront, but that never stops those feelings from getting in the way of reality. You will heal, but it takes time.

Sorry it didn't work out.

... yeah I'm pretty sure its over too. But I just really think I could have done things differnetly if I never went to Florida I think things would have had the opposite affects and she would have grown closer. But I guess I don't know, and you def can't make people feel something that they don't. I guess I just hope she realizes it.

So I've left her with just a couple last texts which I think summed it all up, and I am going to try my hardest not to contact her.

But what course of action should I use when she comes home later this month... should I just wait for her to call me, because I think she will when she gets back.

When we get together should I not say anything about being together with her or missing her, and how I really feel.

Its bad because I've seen other girls already, and that's what really made me realize she is not replaceable.

Don't think about what you did or didn't do. There's no point as you can't change the past. You will be just wasting your time and keeping yourself from moving on.

Do not contact her anymore. If she contacts you when she gets back I'd say don't see her. If her feelings haven't changed --and deep down you'll know-- there's no point. Only more pain. Nothing you will say to her will make her want to come back with you. Only she can decide that. And believe me, if she wants to come back, you will know and there won't be any doubts. But there is no sense seeing her if all she wants is to be your friend. You are not ready for that.. trust me. The wounds haven't healed yet. Let them heal first, and when you are ready --and think her friendship is worth it-- you can be friends again but not before you have healed. This could take a long though. So don't think of it much. Think about yourself now.

Replaceable? No, not yet. You are not over her, and until you are no girl will be able to measure up. Focus on healing for now. And when you can see a girl and not compare her to your ex you'll know you've moved on. For me, Alessandra Ambrosio herself could come to me and she still wouldn't be able to replace her. Eventually, I will be over her, and until then it's not fair to other girls knowing that my heart still belongs to someone else. Think about it. Heal. And move on. You will find someone that will fit so much better with you, that your ex will hardly be in your thoughts anymore.

You will find someone that will fit so much better with you, that your ex will hardly be in your thoughts anymore.[/QUOTE]

how bad is it that I slept with a random girl that I used to hook up last night and kind of messed around with my ex girlfriend today. But I still want her back.

Stay away from your ex girlfriend, stay away from any girl until you are emotionally ready. It's not fair for any girl to be a rebound.

Every female is a new an unique adventure, so get your head together, and forget the replacing her idea. That will only hold you back, but go forward ,and deal with the opportunities to enjoy while you learn.

Of course this is all very fresh, but that's where the accepting what life throws at you, and being able to deal with it, comes in. That's what its all about my friend, so mourn your loss, and get back into the job of enjoying your life without her.

There is plenty of time to deal with what to do when she comes home.

So heal now. See how you feel later.

There is plenty of time to deal with what to do when she comes home.

So heal now. See how you feel later.[/QUOTE]

Well I think your answers have been the definitely most knowledgeable, and what, exactly do I do when she comes home. Where she will definitely call me and want to get together to talk?

My bottom line is that I think we are suppose to be together, and that she is making a big mistake wout her realizing it or even being here to see how bad of a decision it was.

To me it sounds like she's preparing you. She may be trying to free herself to live while she's away. It's not a bad thing because she's in some way being honest about it. Maybe she really wants to be with you but is willing to let you live and be free just the same as her in her absence.
6 Monthes is way to early to be so serious anyway. In 6 monthes you only know about 10% of what she really is like. And best impressions are pushed forth for the first year. If she's so indecisive with you after only 6 monthes... what will life be like in a year?
Move on but keep it in good terms, if it was meant to be, she'll be back.

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my bottom line is that I think we are suppose to be together,

Unfortunately, that's what everyone thinks that falls in love. You may feel that way but she doesn't.

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that she is making a big mistake wout her realizing it or even being here to see how bad of a decision it was.

Again guy, you must recognize as the left behind partner, that's how YOU feel, NOT HER. Her decision is what's best for her, and more important than the relationship. That is something you must accept, and respect.

In doing so the healing will come, and you can see this reunion as a good thing between friends.

I know its still fresh, and your feelings are over riding good sense at this time, but the emotions, and shock, will be less in time, and you will be able to see the situation more realistically, and empathize, with her perspective of things.

What did you expect her to give up her dreams, for someone she only knew for 6 months? That's not realistic, on your part. Takes a lot more time than that, to know if someone is a long term plan, or just a fun date.

Your bottom line is more you feeling hurt, than sound logical thinking. When she comes back you can tell her you miss her, an are glad for the visit, and hope she is doing well. For your part, YOU should be doing well also.