Ask Me Help Desk - My Sons Cruel Mother

The mother of our 3-year old son has anger and anxiety issues. When I speak to her she makes rude obscene comments to me. She says she hates me, etc. One night last year she punched me in the eye while I was sleeping next to our son. I jumped up stunned, and called 911. Cops came, arrested her etc, 3 days jail. It was all I could think of doing at the time, preventing me from beating her down. She will never forgive me for that.

Recently she left her job, and has been receiving welfare to help pay her rent. Her rent is too high though, so I have bailed her out twice with money. I am on SSI so I have no legal obligation to pay support money BUT I send her $250 a month from my check, been doing it since I got SSI, a year ago. I am staying with my relatives right now. She has now gotten a 3-day notice to pay rent in excess of $1000 in late rent. She demands that I pay this money or she will prevent me, or make it difficult to see our son. I have the money, problem is it's all the money I have. And I still have my own life with bills etc. I don't want our boy to be in a shelter either. I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel even if I send the money. The girl doesn't respect me at all. She doesn't acknowledge anything that I have done for her. She claims I am obligated to her because she takes care of our son. SO she expects/demands money from me, she says, "do you want your son to be homeless?". Guilt trip attempt.

What would you do?

You could always take the child into your home and let her go to a shelter.
Forgive me if I'm wrong but I thought if a parent was on ssi the children automatically received benefits as well.You may want to investigate that.
If she is on P.A. they should be able to help her with her rent,they will make her pay it back but there should be some help there.
You need to get a custody agreement and if she tries to blackmail you again about visitation you can have her arrested for contempt of court.
How do you know she really needs this money for rent?
If you are in a position to help her I would make her sign an agreement to pay it all back and by a certain date.
I would also make the check or money order payable to her landlord and not her.
In the future I would not send money to her but buy the child's food and clothing yourself if at all possible.Since you are not court ordered you can provide any way you see fit. I would not trust that she is using all of that money to care for your son.
Get that custody agreement and if you give her anything make her sign a contract of repayment!

Quote:

Originally Posted by pepsichallenge

The mother of our 3-year old son has anger and anxiety issues. When I speak to her she makes rude obscene comments to me. She says she hates me, etc. One night last year she punched me in the eye while I was sleeping next to our son. I jumped up stunned, and called 911. Cops came, arrested her etc, 3 days jail. It was all I could think of doing at the time, preventing me from beating her down. She will never forgive me for that.

Recently she left her job, and has been receiving welfare to help pay her rent. Her rent is too high though, so I have bailed her out twice with money. I am on SSI so I have no legal obligation to pay support money BUT I send her $250 a month from my check, been doing it since I got SSI, a year ago. I am staying with my relatives right now. She has now gotten a 3-day notice to pay rent in excess of $1000 in late rent. She demands that I pay this money or she will prevent me, or make it difficult to see our son. I have the money, problem is it's all the money I have. And I still have my own life with bills etc. I don't want our boy to be in a shelter either. I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel even if I send the money. The girl doesn't respect me at all. She doesn't acknowledge anything that I have done for her. She claims I am obligated to her because she takes care of our son. SO she expects/demands money from me, she says, "do you want your son to be homeless?". Guilt trip attempt.

What would you do?

I don't understand why you are under no legal obligation to pay support. Is there a support order or does your son receive SS benefits?

Go to Court and get visitation/custody set down in writing. If she cannot care for your son for any reason, ask for custody.

She can ask all she wants, threaten all she wants - but I would make sure of my legal rights.

How does your record for domestic violence/assault figure into all of this. You say she punched you but it would appear that somewhere, sometime, there was violence on your part.

In CA SSI entitlement exempts a person from support obligation. SSI is welfare for disabled people. I already have an order for visitation. She can't prevent me from him. The SSI for him hasn't kicked in yet, it takes time to process I am told by the SSA clerk. My DV case was with another person, it was a threat to someone else, not my sons mother. It's been a non-issue in this case. I know the legal rights, I wonder my moral responsibility here.

If you help her then do so. That's the right thing to do.

I already have been before the judge about this. The judge looked at my case, saw the SSI claim, and stated that my support obligation is $0. I also got a letter from the child support division and it also states that my support is $0. I know my support obligation is 0, I however pay 30% of my income from my SSI check to our sons mother. I set that up as soon as I got the first check. Therefore I don't have a problem with paying her money for support. It's just that I don't feel responsible to bail her out of her late rent situation, although my son is in the middle of it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pepsichallenge

I already have been before the judge about this. The judge looked at my case, saw the SSI claim, and stated that my support obligation is $0. I also got a letter from the child support division and it also states that my support is $0. I know my support obligation is 0, I however pay 30% of my income from my SSI check to our sons mother. I set that up as soon as I got the first check. Therefore I dont have a problem with paying her money for support. It's just that I dont feel responsible to bail her out of her late rent situation, although my son is in the middle of it.

Only you know what is morally right for you. What is morally right for someone else might not be the right thing for you to do.

Again, only you know - no one here knows all the facts and circumstances and can make the decision on your behalf.

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Therefore I don't have a problem with paying her money for support. It's just that I don't feel responsible to bail her out of her late rent situation, although my son is in the middle of it.

Only you can make that call, but if you where to help her out then at least you know that your child has a roof over their head.

Quote:

Again, only you know - no one here knows all the facts and circumstances and can make the decision on your behalf.

As above great answer.

She can not and should not use your visits against you to try and make you fix her problems.
Can you try and get primary custody?

Does she know you have that much money? If she does I would ask her what would she do if you didn't. If she doesn't know I wouldn't tell her and tell her she has to fix her own messes that she created.

Given the many programs in CA for her situation, I have decided not to send her any money. I feel it is for her to decide to take charge of the situation. I do not feel obligated to bail her out of this problem now. TY for the responses.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pepsichallenge

Given the many programs in CA for her situation, I have decided not to send her any money. I feel it is for her to decide to take charge of the situation. I do not feel obligated to bail her out of this problem now. TY for the responses.

So now that it's pretty apparent that your son will be living in a shelter are you going to move for custody?

Good question. Although I do not think so. I live in a different state with my relatives temporarily.