Ask Me Help Desk - I do not understand this.

Please help me, I really feel like crap. :(

OK, I met this guy at the mall about a month and a half ago. I'm 19, he's 20. We live like 15 miles away, and I go to college & live on the dorm and on the weekends I stay with my family at my house usually. Sometimes he comes to see me and sometimes I drive to see him but either way we spend a decent amount of time together, at least two times a week for now. And we've been getting along great!

Anyway, just yesterday we spent the entire day together... we hung out at his house then hung out at my house then we hung out at the mall and just had a lot of fun.. he even said out of his mouth, "I am having so much fun". Then later that night, he texts me...

Him: "I don't think I satisfied you sexually" (we had sex like a month after we met)... he thinks I was faking it or whatever.

So then we're texting back and forth, me trying to convince him that I was not faking, and I think he was doing this just to start a stupid argument or something for no reason. Then another text...

Him: "don't fall in love with me, it aint worth it".

Now I'm like ? Who even said anything about love? (this is what I'm thinking, I didn't text it to him)... I mean I could see myself falling in love with him, it's building into something... I thought at least... he's the one always looking at me adoringly while singing love songs lol.

Me: "OK whatever you say...why are you saying all of this stuff now? What is your point?"...

Me: "Nevermind I'm acting stupid, I know exactly what your point is...you don't even really like me like that."

Him: "I like you a lot! I just don't want to hurt you."

Me: Whatever.

Him: "I do like you but I'm scared that you will hurt me"

Me: OMG you're so full of it! You don't want to hurt me...you're scared that i will hurt you...stop this nonsense!

Him: "if i didn't like you i wouldn't kiss you".

Me: We need to talk and you need to say how you really feel.

Him: How do you feel?

Me: I just feel like you're stalling...every time you say this 'i don't want to hurt you/get hurt' stuff it's a bunch of BS. You're just trying to say something else so just say it'.

Me: "why are we texting? this conversation is too long to be texting...are you busy? you should call"...

Him: "I am busy actually i will call you later"

Me: "Ok sure you will just leave me all confused now."

Him: "Don't worry so much"

... I haven't heard from him since yesterday night, what the heck?

I mean, he looks into my eyes and nothing about it seems fake. I have to admit though, when we first met, he would tell me about his ex (they broke up like a year ago) and how he had been hurt by her. Then he told me once... "You seem nice but you could hurt me like my ex". Then one time we were on the phone and he said, "I don't know, I'm not really looking for a relationship right now"... so then I was like, "So that means you don't want to go out with me anymore?"... then he said, "No! That's not what I'm saying, I told you that before" (because I asked him if he even liked me before).

This is so frustrating... I've been through the wringer with guys before, and if this doesn't work, I'm done. I just don't give a sh** anymore if this one doesn't work. I'll be alone/single forever if that's how it has to be. I mean I REALLY like this guy, A LOT. We have so much in common, we just click. His mind is just somewhere else though. UGGHHH!!

I see you have 2 options here.

1) pull the relationship back a bit.. take it easy and see if he warms up over time. He might very well be nervous to get into something since his ex hurt him.

2) save yourself the drama and get the out of there.

Thanks so much a la king, that is actually really good advice... and anyone else who has an opinion/advice is greatly appreciated as well.

You'll get really good advice soon. There are some fantastic people that will set your straight :)

Are you looking for a relationship? When a guy (or girl for that matter) says that he isn't looking for a relationship, I don't even waste my time. If I were you I would save myself the trouble. Maybe he's not completely over his ex. I don't know but I wouldn't want to play mind games with him like you are now.

Sounds Like He is Very confused, It sounds like he really likes you but is scared. It's up to you to decide if you want to deal with his Wishy Washy ways or move on to someone who really knows what he wants. I wish you the best of luck with which ever way you decide to go. :)

He is a nut case, but you seem to enjoy him, but why are you just dating him? Seems to me that it would be a lot more fun to enjoy him, and others, and maybe you won't get so attached with him so easily.

Oh that's right, the sex thing after a month. I guess you know that sex makes those attachment feelings a lot more intense, and you actually think you like some one. Live and learn with that.

You have all your eggs in one basket though, and that narrows your options greatly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

He is a nut case, but you seem to enjoy him, but why are you just dating him?? Seems to me that it would be a lot more fun to enjoy him, and others, and maybe you wont get so attached with him so easily.

Oh thats right, the sex thing after a month. I guess you know that sex makes those attachment feelings a lot more intense, and you actually think you like some one. Live and learn with that.

You have all your eggs in one basket though, and that narrows your options greatly.

Thank you for responding...

Well actually I did like him a whoooole lot before we even had sex. I liked him so much that I didn't even want to have sex with him because I was so fascinated with his mind and how we clicked together that way. Then one day we were getting really... touchy and we almost went too far and I said that we should stop, so we did. I told him it was too soon (this was like two weeks after we met) and that we should wait a little while longer.

Having sex with him didn't make me feel any more or less for him, not sure if that's a good thing but yeah... he told me when we first met that he wanted to "take it slow" too... and I'm not dating anyone else right now because I genuinely like him and when other guys have flirted with me I've shown disinterest even if he's cute (lol)... because I'm thinking about this one guy. We both actually agreed to just date each other and no one else to see how it would work (no serial dating, just one at a time)... so yeahhhh I don't know... I guess he is insecure and maybe I am too? :/

Quote:

I don't know... I guess he is insecure and maybe I am too? :/

Or you both are scared of your own feelings.

You know what, that's probably true. I think he's starting to feel for me and he doesn't want to get into it so fast because of his past and being hurt... either that or he's not over his ex (or both!).

Wow, very confusing speak more clear to him. Ask him what is he trying to say or what does he wants with you; depending on his answers to decide what to do

Going slow will often give you a chance to get to know the small things about a person that matters greatly.

Lust blinds us to many things, and even though people are hooking up and having sex faster doesn't mean the mental, and emotional needs are met, but lust, and sex makes us feel so good ,we don't need to pay attention to anything else.

When the physical slows down, there is hell to pay for all those missed chances to learn, and grow together.

Well you don't need him if he doesn't want u. I think you are just wasting your time!!