My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time a few days ago. He was a virgin, but I am not. We are both 20. Here is the problem. No matter what I did.. He was not able to . I gave him a blow job and he wasn't even able to from sexual intercourse. He says that he feels like he is going to but he just cant. The only way is if he masturbates. He says that he has to close his eyes and pretend that I'm not there! He says it's something psychological..

I don't know what I can do to help.
We even got lube, but that didn't seem to help either.
Is there anything I can do?
Is this common?

No it is not common. This guy has a problem that will not be solved easily. That's the main point. It going to be a long, time-consuming fix. IF, deep down, he even wants to fix it. He was'nt kidding you; it IT IS pyscological. The only question is do you want to put in the time helping him to (hopefully) enjoy it the way it's supposed to be enjoyed? Just my opinion, but you should move on.

Probably nerves... keep trying...

Hey Miniie, like you said...
He was a virgin, 20, male. You can think of what he did to get an orgasm all these years.

It could take a while. Talk to him, he certainly can't close his eyes if he decides to be a dad someday. Id say get intimate often so he's completely comfortable when you're around. Because, think of it.. When you are with him in reality, why should he use imagination!

Give it time, be very supportive, stick to him and you both can achieve wonders :D

You know, there are lots of guys who like to take it slow, but can be pushed by an aggressive girlfriend into stuff they don't want to do. That is what it sounds like here. In his own words, he pretends you aren't there.

Many young(and some old)guys don't want to think of their girlfriend as a CSer...

Probably, you should back off on the sexual moves for now. Too much for him.

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Originally Posted by Britalian

The only question is do you want to put in the time helping him to (hopefully) enjoy it the way it's supposed to be enjoyed? Just my opinion, but you should move on.

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They way its supposed to be enjoyed? My pleasure from sex is much more than just feeling. It's much more of an emotional thing. I feel pleasure from being THAT much closer to him, and being able to make him feel good.
I do want to put in the time to help him.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Choux

You know, there are lots of guys who like to take it slow, but can be pushed by an aggressive girlfriend into stuff they don't want to do. That is what it sounds like here. In his own words, he pretends you aren't there.

Many young(and some old)guys don't want to think of their girlfriend as a CSer.....

Probably, you should back off on the sexual moves for now. Too much for him.

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Why would you assume that I pushed him into it?
I don't push him to do anything he doesn't want to do. In fact, he initiated the whole thing. I'm willing to do whatever it is that I can do to help him. The whole pretending that I'm not there could be that he feels more comfortable doing things like this when he's alone, which is understandable. He might even feel intimidated because I'm not a virgin and feel like he has to live up to some kind of standard?
I ask him about it, but he doesn't disclose much. Understandable.
He makes it seem like there is nothing that he/we can do. He keeps saying he is a "factory defect". I keep telling him that it's fine and we will figure it out. He wants to have children in the future, but I don't know how it will be possible if he cannot .

He said that it happened with him and his ex and he was not able to with her from oral sex, but as soon as she was gone he was fine.

I know it will take time, but I just don't know where to start. I guess I should just keep trying different things?

Min, You are not his therapist, you are not qualified to be a therapist for this young man.

Time to find a new boyfriend... you can't fix him.


Best wishes going forward, :)

Have a sit down heart to heart talk with him. Find out if he is really ready for sex. Some people really do not want to get involved with sex until they find the right person and get married. If he is fine about having sex outside of marriage and you are a willing partner then teaching him all about sex could be a great experience for you both. Contrary to what others have said, you do not have to be a expert to help him understand what is going on in his mind. Just being loving and understanding may be all he needs. If you are really interested in this guy, then maybe a sex therapist could help you both understand what is going on.

The guy has major issues... unless you have years to waste then see this as a sign to move on.