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-   -   To be a step mother or not to be.. . (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=298299)

  • Jan 2, 2009, 05:49 PM
    MorganRae03
    To be a step mother or not to be.. .
    My boyfriend found out last September that a girl he slept with from a bar is now pregnant. She brought his father a letter claiming my boyfriend to be the father. I asked him to call her and find out what her intentions are as far as support or if she was going to go through the courts but he hasn't yet. Can anyone please clue me in on what she can do as far as proving he's the father? If the courts request a paternity test and he is the father what are the chances we can get 50/50 help I am SUPER stressed.:confused:
  • Jan 2, 2009, 06:01 PM
    cadillac59

    The mom has to file an action with the court to determine who the father is. She can name him as the potential father and seek an order for genetic testing provided she alleges something to suggest he might be the father (i.e, a past sexual relationship).

    If the genetic testing establishes your boyfriend as the biological father then he will be liable for child support, yes, but he will also have all the rights of any father- including the right to custody/visitation, etc. And of course he can seek a 50-50 shared parenting arrangement if he wishes.

    If he is otherwise a fit parent, I cannot see any reason he should not be able to have a 50-50 timeshare with the child.
  • Jan 2, 2009, 06:02 PM
    Nestorian

    I'm not sure, too much about that kind of thing, but if the Mother gets custody and wants child support, and your BF is working. He'll be paying. That is just how it is.

    If the mother is unfit, you may beable to get 100%, and he won't pay at all, but you'll have to take care of the child.

    If she agrees, or the courts decide it's best for the child to give 50/50 custody, I'm not sure what happens.

    Sorry that's very general, and you probably already know or have guessed this. I can't recall who it was but there is some one on here with a great idea of social work, and how the system works. If I find them I'll let you know.

    Peace be with you.
  • Jan 2, 2009, 06:28 PM
    cdad
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MorganRae03 View Post
    My boyfriend found out last September that a girl he slept with from a bar is now pregnant. She brought his father a letter claiming my boyfriend to be the father. I asked him to call her and find out what her intentions are as far as support or if she was going to go through the courts but he hasn't yet. Can anyone please clue me in on what she can do as far as proving he's the father? If the courts request a paternity test and he is the father what are the chances we can get 50/50 help I am SUPER stressed.:confused:
    The chances are very poor he could get 50/50 at this stage of the game. For one thing when it comes to babies courts are reluctant to allow visitation ( overnights ) until a child reaches 1 year old. Another thing is he may be getting supervised visitation or limited for that time. He can work up to 50 / 50 but right now I don't see it. If she breast feeds then he can't expect overnights. Just work with it and go with the flow. He needs to call her and find out what's really going on. If she confirms it then he needs to get a lawyer.
  • Jan 2, 2009, 07:13 PM
    cadillac59

    I've seem many cases of dads getting not only overnights with children under age 1 but 50-50 custody as well. Judges will normally grant overnights with children of any age and I can't see any reason for a court to deny a shared parenting (50-50) plan simply because of the age of the kids.

    Finally, supervised visitation is only appropriate if there are serious parental fitness issues present (DV, alcohol/drug abuse). It would be an abuse of discretion for a court to impose it on a fit parent.
  • Jan 2, 2009, 07:35 PM
    cdad
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by cadillac59 View Post
    I've seem many cases of dads getting not only overnights with children under age 1 but 50-50 custody as well. Judges will normally grant overnights with children of any age and I can't see any reason for a court to deny a shared parenting (50-50) plan simply because of the age of the kids.

    Finally, supervised visitation is only appropriate if there are serious parental fitness issues present (DV, alcohol/drug abuse). It would be an abuse of discretion for a court to impose it on a fit parent.
    The court system your involved with sounds very liberal and more of an exception then a rule. In the system I went through even when proven fit most dads were stuck to the 80/20 plan. And I don't see a judge denying a meal to a child by telling the dad its OK to not breast feed. The standard for dads when I went through was every other weekend and tues and thurs visits. Not overnights and mine were older. Maybe its changed but I haven't seen that yet.
  • Jan 2, 2009, 11:03 PM
    cadillac59
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by califdadof3 View Post
    The court system your involved with sounds very liberal and more of an exception then a rule. In the system I went through even when proven fit most dads were stuck to the 80/20 plan. And I dont see a judge denying a meal to a child by telling the dad its ok to not breast feed. The standard for dads when I went through was every other weekend and tues and thurs visits. Not overnights and mine were older. Maybe its changed but I havent seen that yet.
    I think it is difficult to generalize about the "court system" and what the "standard" is for parenting plans based upon one's own personal experience or what everyone's been saying in the break room at work. My experience has been that the outcome in a disputed parenting case is highly variable and very difficult to predict (the moms do not always get the kids with dads having alternating weekends, contrary to popular opinion). I've seen cases where moms lost custody of young children and weren't horribly unfit as parents. I've seen cases of infants having overnights with dads (breastfeeding is not a grand excuse to deny dads extended time with a newborn--there are ways to accommodate that).And yes, I've seen the stereotypical 80/20 timeshare with dads having the alternate weekends and mid-week dinner visit (don't assume this is to norm simply because DissoMaster and SupporTax default to a 20% timeshare with the adverse parent for child support purposes). But again, you cannot generalize about what anyone can expect in any given case simply because of a parent's gender and age of the children. Gender bias is not permitted in making custody decisions.

    This is an area of broad discretion with the judge so who is the judge may simply be enough to produce a different result in any case. There is no reason why two fit parents should not have 50-50 custody in any given case if one of them wants it. Have you ever been sitting at counsel table with a client and had the judge ask you why the dad (on the other side) should not be able to have week-on and week off (50-50) custody with the kids if he is able and willing? I have. And it's not easy to answer.

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