First of all I would like to say thank you to the people on this board, I registered today but had been browsing the boards for about 2 weeks and the advice you offer to people is always helpful.
The Story
My name is Dan and I am 24, my ex girlfriend is 32 and we had been together for a year. Up unitl October we also worked together but on different floors. She was divorced when I met her but that wasn't something that put me off her. After a couple of weeks of us dating she told me that she used to have an affair for 2 years with someone in our office (who had since left when we first hooked up) in case someone at work told me - she wanted to tell me herself.
At first I was a bit put off by what she said, for a couple of days I would picture them together (as it turned it out I always thought the guy was a prick!). Anyway I was flattered by her interest and quickly moved past it as what she got up to before she met me was none of my business.
After 5 or 6 dates we both realized that we got on really well and just clicked. I then said how about we make this official, at first she wasn't sure and wanted to give us a bit more time together which I was OK with but I knew I wanted more. It turned out that she was seeing someone at the same time as me for four months before and she said she has finished with him and wanted us to be official. Looking back I should have twigged that if she can do that without me having a clue what else could she do without me knowing. Anyway we got together and things were great, we went on holiday, met each others family and started to get serious, we talked moving in, kids, marriage over our time together.
Looking back I knew I loved her from our first date, we just clicked.
Over the course of a year we broke up twice, once in June and then again in October. She wasn't sure if she wanted this to be 'it' for her.
We had gone on holiday in June - was probably the best week of my life. We split up about two weeks after we returned, she was being really offish with me and I could not think why after we had just had such a brilliant week on holiday. It had turned ou that 2 days before we were due to go away she had met the guy she had an affair with for dinner and it had confused her.
I left it and waited for her to get her head straight, she come back, and we got back to being really close and getting on well, however there was always a doubt in my mind now that she was seeing him or someone else, I but that voice to the back of mind and got on with things. However I was having doubts...
A few months past and our relationship was probably the nest it had been between us. She asked me if I though it was a good idea if she come off the pill - with me being a lot younger than her - I wasn't sure, but because I loved her so much and wanted to stay with her anyway I knew kids would happen at some point so why not now?
The Break Up
I had since started my new job (which was only going to be temporary). Which meant we only saw each other at weekends. So the time we spent together was quality rather than quantity. Eeveryday we would be on the phone to each other or texting and making plans for the weekend or whatever, then the week before we broke up she had been out almost every night we her friend drinking and I guess I just felt a little neglected. I was going to see her on the Friday after I had driven back from work (as we had plans in the morning for the weekend).
Instead she text me saying 'why not just come over Saturday morning instead'. I was thinking great I have harldy spoke to you all week and now now you don't want to see me either.
So the weekend wasn't great as I had the hump a little, anyway we got into a row on the Sunday with me asking why she had been funny all week, she couldn't give me an answer and didn't want to talk about it. After a bit of prodding by me she said that she wasn't sure we were right together and if the spark had gone. We were both in tears I accpeted that she wanted this to be over.
3 days went pass when I didn't talk to her (turned phone off. I turned it back on and she hadn't got in touch so I text her saying I missed her. I was a mess, for the next week or so I was texting her telling her how I felt - I was all over the place and didn't know what to do (after a month or so I knew what I had been doing just after the break up was not helping me or her.
I was going back to her work for a metting 2 weeks after the break up. I didn't inform her I was going (why should I?). She sees me in the office (I don't see her) and she sends me an abusive text saying I should have let her now I was coming into work.
So 3 weeks after the break up she tells we she is dating someone else. I call her and say there is no need for you to tell me that and you doing it just hurt me.
After a month of crying, not eating, boring friends for advice, I was slowly starting to feel a bit better and we were coming up to our company party which she might be at. She had been really ill with flu a few days before (I had gone over to hers to help her out for a few hours) She text me after saying I am glad we can friends. I realized I didn't want to be just friends so I went NC for 5 days.
I turned my phone back on and there was about 15+ messages from her asking why I had not been in touch and I was confusing her. I replied I can't do friends at the moment if I am to move on.
So after another job interview I met her for lunch. We got on really well and it was nice. She then sent me a text saying this has confused me us getting on so well. I said I don't know what you want from me.
So over Christmas we were in contact by phone and by text and she said she wanted to talk about us. I said lets arrange a day and we will go out. We both agreed that we would do today. So I went over to hers, we did a bit of shopping, had lunch and come back and watched a film.
I didn't want to bring up the subject of 'us' and she had finished with me and I thought it was down to her to make the first move if she wanted to get back together. So I left hers and she sent me a text saying 'sorry about today but you know I am no good at talking'.
So basically guys do I go NC, or what else?
