Ok gang, so it was NYE and my girlfriend came over upset about the tanning salon being closed and got more upset by the fact that my friends bailed to go to the bars instead of the party we were going to. My gf's best friend was also driving up for the party and my girlfriend says she either wanted to spend new years with just her boyfriend or just her best friend, and since her friend was coming in town she said I should go up to the bars. Well it sounded like she didn't want to spend NYE with me and it hurt and I got upset. She left to go be with her friend and left me at home. Today she texted me after I texted her this morning saying how I'm hurt and I don't know what to do , etc. Anyway she texted me saying she doesn't want to break up, but she doesn't know what she wants right now and that our relationship is not as fulfilling as it used to be and she doesn't know what to do to change it. She wants space and I said I will give her space to re-evaluate things. I haven't texted her all day until about a minute ago saying "hey baby, i hope your first day of the new year was good. Hope you are doing ok, I am here to talk when you are ready. Goodnight." and she texted back saying "Goodnight baby :)" I just need some advice on what to do, how to get her wanting me back, and if there is anything I can do to not smother her but show her that I care so she wants me more.

So far, I am just planning on giving her space, not texting or calling until tomorrow night and ill tell her goodnight again. Unless she texts or calls me. I am trying to stay positive cause she said she doesn't want to break up, but the whole relationship not being as fulfilling as it used to be is also not a good sign. Any advice?

Mr. Guy who wants this girl to be the one

Relax, and let her have her space, and do your thing until she contacts you. That's what you do.

Geez, its only been a day. Don't go crazy over a day, dude, just find something else to do.

Hey cyoung, you are basically me four weeks ago. Feel free to read my story and MANY others in this board that will help you on how to cope and what is the best way forward. Read the stickie posts at the top of the board also.
I have learnt a lot about myself and my relationship in the past 4 weeks --with the help of this site-- maybe even more than during my entire 2yr relationship.

First thing is, a "break" is just a nice way of breaking up with you. I don't know the depths of your situation but a "break" is only a "break" if you eventually get back together. So for now, you should treat this is a breakup, it will help you save you some hurt by keeping your hopes as low as you can.

Now, "how do I get her back?".. this is the last thing that should be in your mind, because there is NOTHING you can do to get her back, in fact, texting her will NOT help at all. All you can do is give her what she wants and go NO CONTACT. This means not even friendly good night text messages which contrary to what you may thing is not giving her space. Space means live her alone and do your own thing. Focus on yourself, and keep busy and her out of your mind so you can move on with your life. If one day she decides to come back to you, then you will have the choice. But don't count on it.

Good Luck, and you are not alone here as many of us are living the same thing.

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Originally Posted by cyoung86

Ok gang, so it was NYE and my gf came over upset about the tanning salon being closed and got more upset by the fact that my friends bailed to go to the bars instead of the party we were going to. My gf's best friend was also driving up for the party and my gf says she either wanted to spend new years with just her boyfriend or just her best friend, and since her friend was coming in town she said i should go up to the bars. Well it sounded like she didnt want to spend NYE with me and it hurt and i got upset. She left to go be with her friend and left me at home. Today she texted me after i texted her this morning saying how im hurt and I dont know what to do and etc. Anyways she texted me saying she doesnt want to break up, but she doesnt know what she wants right now and that our relationship is not as fulfilling as it used to be and she doesnt know what to do to change it. She wants space and I said I will give her space to re-evaluate things. I havent texted her all day until about a minute ago saying "hey baby, i hope your first day of the new year was good. Hope you are doing ok, I am here to talk when you are ready. Goodnight." and she texted back saying "Goodnight baby :)" I just need some advice on what to do, how to get her wanting me back, and if there is anything i can do to not smother her but show her that i care so she wants me more.

So far, I am just planning on giving her space, not texting or calling until tomorrow night and ill tell her goodnight again. Unless she texts or calls me. I am trying to stay positive cause she said she doesnt want to break up, but the whole realtionship not being as fulfilling as it used to be is also not a good sign. Any advice?

Mr. Guy who wants this girl to be the one

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Hi, I went through a similar situation, my ex was with me for 4 years and she decided she needed space. Not a bad thing, they just need to figure themselves out. My girlfriend decide to go with another guy. It was 3 weeks she kept telling me, "I don't want to break up, I just need space." However, she kept spending time with another guy while I sat at home cleaning our apartment, paying for our bills and so on. The point is that I'm still very hurt 2 years later, and I still love her 2 years after. But I sat at home waiting for her, when I should have started doing things to get me out and about.

I ended up moving a week later, with 2 guys. They understood my situation, and what happened? They took my out. No I didn't just start sleeping with any girl around, though I did fall for a nother girl within a month, but I needed more time. I went out and danced with girls, talked to friends, hung out with da boys playing pool or video games, what ever gets your mind up and out. Because that pain doesn't go away, it just gets kind of less important. If she wants you back great, you're aloud to go out and dance with girls, doesn't mean you're in bed with them. ;)

Mostly keep to your friends and hang out, try to avoid drinking, usually leads to unwanted out comes. Keep busy, and give yourself some time to feel like crap, because you do have to deal with it. Just don't let it be every day, or for more than a few hours. But do what you got to.

Take care of yourself, and don't forget; there is always another girl. Also things will get better, you just have to get through the hard parts.

Tal, had to spread the rep, but, as usual, I agree. :)

Give the girl some space, some time, go about your life and don't stress. If you start texting and calling you'll only push her away when all she may want right now is some time to think.

Good luck.

Sounds like the couple that spends every minute together and then fights about being insecure because they're sick of spending so much time together and then they break up. I have no idea if this is the case but I really believe that having a relationship should be a bonus to your life and should not be the only reason to be happy.

"having a relationship should be a bonus to your life, and should not be the only reason to be happy."

We were both guilty of clinging to each other I think, she was over all the time and things were going really great until nye night, but perhaps she has been thinking about it for awhile cause I could tell she was a little distant. I am taking your advice to do the no contact thing, but she really just said "I am confused and I dont know what to do about it" and I suggested maybe we need some time to re-evaluate things and figure out what we want, but I know what I want and its you, and I told her how I really cared for her. I know she doesn't want to break up with me, and there is no other guy in the picture, I know that for a fact. I guess all I can do is wait and see...

Us guys have to pay attention to our females, and know when they need their g/f's and not us.

Ok so now we are going to meet up tomorrow night to talk. I suggested a mutual place to meet for the talk. She texted me last night saying "I think ill call it a night. I just wanted to say goodnight :). If ur out, be safe" and I said "ok", then I got a blank text from her and I sent one back saying that her text was blank and to be honest this space thing is killing me and all I want to do is see her cause I miss her. I apologized for being cold about saying "ok" and then said that I think we need to talk. Since I brought up the space idea when she said she didn't know what to do to change things, I think I can ask for that. So in the text today she called me baby still, but I need some advice on how I should approach this talk and what I should say. Should I be honest about my feelings and see what she says or just listen to what she sys? I need some real help

Hello,

It is better to be honest with your feelings as if you keep them inside of you they will damage you even more. Communication is essential, but I doubt she will speak and admit what she really thinks. It doesn`t matter if she still calls you baby, she probably cannot move on that fast to not call you like that after the time together... My case she still calls me the funny name we used to call each other and I had the courage to ask why, she replied "I am used to this, I called you like that for the past 4 years, and never by your name".

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Things come and go, and as they do come and go we must bend our life and way to them, else we are left behind and leave in a place of regrettable dreams..

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I am curious what you will talk at this next meeting, but whatever will happen, whatever she will say try not to show her you are weak, and beg for her mercy to be with you. I did this mistake and it made all worse.. Try to be yourself and have a true chat with her about what you really want to do with your relationship.

I see you also tell "she has been thinking for this for a while". Of course she did think of it, but was afraid to tell, until she made up her mind and confrunted you with this " need space, don`t know what to do " problem. This will eventually and trust me since same thing happened to my 4 year old relationship some time ago (read thread here) , will turn into a time of depression with possible break up...

Try to get her out of your mind. It is sad but it is over. There is nothing you can do. Your hands are tied, and she is sailing away from you by her own will...

Good luck :(

First you listen, then you talk.

We have that meeting tomorrow night, and I'm really starting to get nervous. I want to make it a heart to heart to see where we are at and what we want out of the relationship and ways in which we can improve our relationship so that both parties are happy like we used to be. I could use some advice on how to start things off and if there is anything I can do to make sure she doesn't want a longer break or want to break it off completely. This is all scaring the living hell out of me.

My advice is to relax, and be ready for anything. Sorry guy, I just don't believe in worrying about things I cannot control, and its hard enough keeping control over what I have to do. I wouldn't even be in your position, because I would have done as she asked, and been long gone any way. But that's just me, and I hate someone that can't make up their frigging mind, or work with me through some honest communications. Ain't that much love in the world to make me sit twiddling my thumbs, while waiting for some one else to make a decision concerning my future. I sure wouldn't be tripping over anything she wanted to talk about either. I would be bowling with the buds. But that's just me, and how I handle things. Good Luck, what ever happens.